I'mma stepmomma too. We have primary custody of all the kids. It is a delicate balance trying to keep everybody happy. You cannot "make" your DH stand up and not get walked over. IF the new stepfather is controlling... that is up to your DH to say ahem... I am the FATHER. For the momma to cite verse out of the divorce agreement, then twist your DH's responses, the agreement may be vague or your DH is putting emotion into emails to her instead of clearly laying out his position. The new husband should be called out on his actions... but youyr DH is the one to do this... not you. My advise.... let DH handle things as he sees fit... give him your opinion and back his position.