well the truth is if i havent been mean yet, i wont be. That's part of my problem. I continue to do stuff like i always have. So i feel guilty that this may come out of left field. then again almost a year of therapy she has to know things arent right. It's just my therapist told me to be straight with her so i tried telling her directly that her smoking is killing me (plus the cat ) and she told me 'what is the solution? I'm trying and when you tell me to quit you make me not want to". This has gone on for over a year that she uses me as an excuse.

My guy has told me to get a life outside the home so that's how i'm going to proceed. He said tell you are you going X and what can she do? So that's what i'm going to start doing. And as stated above, she can process that how she wishes. I just have guilt doing stuff and not being with her so i was and continue to be her entire life. she refuses to use the laptop i got her and even despises calls from family back home. Sees called ID and ignores them.

So i guess i have to do short term what i need to do to be happy and go from there. Ill still get her meds, feed her, take her to the doctor, do all the housework etc. At least she cant say i abandoned her in that way. And i guess i dont know why i even care what she thinks anymore. Thats part of my problem, i wish i was uncaring sometimes and just ran away to hawaii lol.