argh, i had long response typed up but forum got closed...so trying again

[quote]You have done everything for her for a very long time, including being her only social network.

[yes and i fault myself for not doing stuff much outside the marriage...now here i am making friends and leaving her behind...i just hate she will be out in the cold and i already have a leg up on moving on]

Hey, from what I gather, she does not get out on her own, so I suggest you simply stop BUYING the cigarettes that are killing you & her and the cat

[i cant be so mean to stop taking her to get them but i will not get them by myself anymore..she will have to go in and get them..i feel so dirty getting them]

YOu start going out and seeing friends

find a smoky dirty tavern and drink yourself into oblivion (drinking makes the emotional stuff harder to deal with, so it's better to cut back if you're a drinker, while you're going through divorce) and the only thing you need to do is to make certain she is not left in a physically dangerous situation (if she needs 24 hour care, find a relief nurse for you to get away until you can get her into a nursing home).

[well she'd dropped 1 cig in the chair that i saw and got one burn on her hand..other than that not too dangerous...unless you count the bashing on her head that she didnt tell me about last week....as far as the booze, i've been nursing a case of beer for 2 years so maybe time to go wild and finish it lol..i actually thought about taking up drinking but i forget to drink and when i do remember i drink one and get full and stop...i'm definitely going out and seeing friends..that part of it i'm doing to keep sanity]

well, frankly, a person saying they want to get divorced, who is focused on trying to HELP the person they're divorcing, is really no help at all. The more you stick around, the more contact, the worse it gets.

.......to remain her main social outlet during this time... actually hurts her more than it helps.

[i guess i'm not helping then..i just want to protect her and help her along....i guess i need to let her alone a bit so she figures out what to do and who to talk to...but like a parent, i worry about her]

Read some of the threads on "no contact" to find out why.
I know "no contact" is an impossibility for you for a while, for whatever reasons you've decided that it is impossible

[i believe when i say things, it will be better here short term because i'm knowing i'll be getting out and then can stop giving her hope]

You might be surprised at how quickly she'll find family and friends to help her out. Heck, you might want to warn them,

[ well i cant warn them, dont talk to them as it is lol....i do hope she quickly gets adapted though...i just feel like crap]