Well, i may not have been tactful but after all i've been thru i feel it's not that big a deal. I left her a note this morning pretty much saying we have to talk to night, i dont think i can do this anymore.

she called me at work..i'll try to summarize as best i can:

first started off all sweet, asked me how i was doing and stuff like that. Then in no particular order:

1. I'm sentencing her a life of doom, her mom doesnt like me but her mom doesnt want her and she cant live on her own! She'd rather be dead than life of doom

2. threatened to kill herself..but then said she wouldnt ever do it when i wasnt home, she didnt want me to worry about her, said she'd do it while i was home...then said dont worry, she wont do it anyway (she's tried at least 3x the past 12 years)

3. said when i met her i knew she was screwed up but i told her if she was half as bad i would still love her. She told me today she is half as bad and i'm supposed to still love her.

4. brought up her smoking and i told her how it killed me and every time i bring it up to tell her i hate it, she uses it as an excuse to keep on smoking..she said with all the bad stuff happening, she has to keep smoking...i said ok well you cant yell at me for saying what's on my mind when you told me it was bad i didnt say all these years

5 ADMITTED until last year when i said i might leave, she DID NOT try as hard as she could to get better prior to that time, but now that she knows i will leave she said PLEASE give her one more chance. I asked for confirmation. She said yes she didnt try as hard because she never thought id leave her.

6. i said as much as it pains you to go to all your doctors, it's me that has to take off work, drive you there, then sit there and watch them prod you and after all that, not a single one has helped you...so this is painful for me too

7. when you were told you plauteued in phys therapy and had to leave, you did NOTHING at home but sit there and complain that no one else ever helped you. I've seen people worse off that you including your dad and they got better or at least tried. her dad had a stroke and was near death but got to drive and function for 5 more years! Talk about an example of determination.

8. i took the blame for A coddling her B not encouraging her in the proper way obviuosly C not telling her all this before last year and now

9 I never doubted her love for me. But now she said she wants to be miserable with me rather than miserable without me. I told her if i stay it wont be fun for either of us and she said she doesnt care, she is better off with me. I did not have the heart to say i wont be miserable without her.

10.said one day i will have another woman leave me and it will hurt me bad and she will feel sorry for me

11. said her mom doesnt like me and wont take her in so she has nowhere to go

12 says i wont try to be romantic with her anymore and she is right..but she thinks if we just start hugging and kissing it will all come back again...i said unless your attitude and all else changes, i dont think it ever could come back

13 i summarized and said how can you want me even if i am not willing to try..ive obviously failed as a hubby because i cant make you better, didnt encourage you right, and havent been treating you well for the past year...why do you want to even stay with a guy like that? she said if i tried it would get better.

so it was a long telephone conversation. I never outright said i want divorced so i guess i have to do that tonight but parts of what she said got under my skin and i wonder if i should give her another chance. But then i think that when you blow up and seek marriage counseling that was putting her on notice that things werent right. And in theory she has had a chance with every doctor we went to see. Plus what really really pissses me off is that she SAID she never tried because she didnt think i'd leave her

what the blank is that about???????????????