summary for those not following my case (GREATLY simplified but you'll get the idea): disabled wife since 2000 and she has barely lifted a finger to help herself, i did it 'all' for all these years and wont even take simple doctor advice that her body will not heal until she quits smoking. As i cant sit her and watch her slowly die, I'm leaving. She also doesnt want me to have any life outside the house and i just cannot be her total world anymore since 2 depressed people in a house is not a good thing.

So last night she asked me yet again if there is anything she can do to save the marriage. She has a strong hint i'll be filing soon since she told me the other day she wont hire an atty until i do file. I started telling her again why i'm leaving. She makes no effort, it's 100% me in the marriage, and she tosses the vow in my face and i brought up she isnt living up to her end too.

Of course she tosses out the disability card and says i'm just tired of taking care of her and am throwing her out. She said the reason the past few months she has been helping more around the house is she is taking more pain pills and is still in a lot of pain. I never asked her this but i dont understand why she even is doing 'more' than she ever has? I guess to save the marriage maybe? Well she recently started only smoking in the kitchen, away from me. This is unheard of and unprecedented but i guess since i told her i think its rude she smoked in there while her mom stayed with us but wont give me, her husband, the same respect, that i was quite unhappy about it.

So of course now i'm feeling bad..not bad enough to cancel my atty appointment on thursday but she sure is a master of playing the disability card on me. It took me a year to even get to this point yet somehow i think she thinks i thought of this overnight. I'm a very indecisive person most of the time so i guess she forgot that part. I did think about it long and hard and what it comes down to is the weeks she was away with family, i was at peace in my house and was more than happy to be alone. So my answer to myself is, yes i want out. But i still do NOT have the heart to tell her it was so nice not having her around. I also cant tell her i dont find her the least bit attractive anymore and i think it's nuts she only showers every 2 weeks and never gets dressed and just lounges around in a nightgown 24/7. I just cannot be that mean.

But is that what she wants? me to tell her all that stuff? I'm asking you ladies if you would want to hear that 'cold hard truth' because, as our therapist told her, I dont think any answer i give her will ever make her prepared for the D. And i dont see any point in telling her more. Oh and by the way she says she's filing a consumer complaint against the therapist but didnt elaborate. She does blame her and my therapist for our divorce. Said that to her face.

and oh she did ask me if i will be mad that she is going to want alimony and i said no i expected that. But i hope you will work with me on it because i cant pay a lot today unless i get the house refied and get money out. Amazing how she can turn off the tears and tell me 'what am i supposed to do, tell my atty that you cant pay so i want less alimony now and more later?" See when she says stuff like that, it reinforced my belief that she is a calculating person and just turns on the tears to jerk at my heart. A sad person wouldnt bring up alimony in the middle of all this emotional stuff.

so what do you think? cold hard truth to drive a further big wedge between us or just let things as they are?