IMHO first step, move out. Then have the divorce papers served. You've communicated fairly clearly and by continuing to "talk" you're going to make the process harder on both of you - you'll feel awful, you'll have regrets, she'll believe you'll change your mind. Talk to an attorney about the money issue. My ex was very controlling and I finally learned to hang up on him if the call had nothing to do with arranging visitation with the children. Yes, having attorneys involved can be scary, but it also means that you don't have to deal directly with the other person and it helps considerably to keep the emotion to a manageable level. Keep seeing your counselor - you're going to need it. Good luck to you.