I'm in the throes of my divorce, and it seems that since I've always made 2/3 of the household income, I should be responsible for 2/3 of the debt, as well as provide my stbx alimony. Give me a moment to vent. this is my first post, and I'm looking for input.

I live in NJ. Was married to stbx for 15 years when he decided he needed to quit his GOOD job and move to NC to get his charter fishing business to work. When it got going, I was going to move to NC also. He has 3 older children who I helped raise, and we have a 6 year old son together. He left for NC, expected me to contribute cash to his floundering business, had racked up over $17,000 in debt himself before he quit his job which he couldn't pay since he was no longer earning any income. I was paying his car insurance, car payment, boat payment, mortgage payments on 3 homes we own, as well as joint back taxes (to a tune of $3200 a month in joint debt, payed solely by me). So, I'm making all these payments (as well as caring for our son with zero breaks), and tell him 7 months later than we can't keep doing this because we're running out of $$ (we had taken a 2nd loan on our home to keep us afloat). So, I told him he needed to pay just his truck and boat payments himself. At that point, he asked for a divorce.

I file for divorce 2 months later in an attempt to stop the financial bleeding. I have creditors calling me on a regular basis because HIS debts are in collections. Two of these are his truck and boat which unfortunately, I also signed on. He has not contributed a dime to our joint monthly debts for 16 months now.

I have a lawyer telling me that since I made 2/3 of the household income, I might have to pay him alimony to "equalize" our lifestyles? My stbx finally got himself a real job and is making more income than he was when we were married. Yet, he still is not paying his debts and says he's always broke so he can't take our son for a week here and there. Might I have to pay alimony? Is he entitled to 1/2 MY 401K even though he had an opportunity to contribute to his own and never did? Should he owe child support for all the months he's been gone? There's so much more I can't even write it all.

I feel like I'm falling into a deep, deep well and can barely see the light of day. I've done everything I can to pay all my bills and keep my credit straight and I'll be penalized for it. What on earth is our legal system coming to? I have a child to care for, and they want to "equalize" our lifestyles? Does that mean I should be entitled to a nanny so I can come and go as I please the way he does? To me, that's lifestyle. Not just the money. Can I bring up issues like that in our distribution agreement? Please provide me some insight. You people seem to have been through it all!!