Are you filing (NJ) or is he filing as a resident of NC? I live in NC and Alimony is not awarded in issues of (provable) abuse, infidelity, and I think abandonment. Your hardest problem will be to explain why you went so long willingly without income from him. Is he fishing our of Morehead/Beaufort, Harker's Island, or Swansboro? I am familliar with the fishing communities down there. It may be in your best intrest to get a PI to gather info your husband may not be telling you.
Is NJ a "no fault" state? NC is and all his actions wouldn't effect anything other than ED and Alimony. The laws of the stat you file in could make a difference. IF you can get out with 2/3 of the debt and no alimony, that is probably the best you can do. Like I said I only know NC laws.