How long does it take to get it thru one's head. I've been taking care of this man for almost 15 years now, and I filed for divorce even the default, but now i"m feeling regretful and alone, why do we want to continue in the same abusive cycle, even when we know that it is bad for us? I can't seem to remember all the bad abusive behavior right now. And I can't get him out of my head. I'm so confused. I know that I deserve better, but I can't seem to get to the otherside. what do I do, I have 2 little ones that I am responsible for and sometimes I feel like I just want to crawl in bed and never get out.. "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results"