[quote]in regards to the mother....my concern is that in the early stages of divorce which is where i am at my stbx constantly threatens to take our son whenever he wants and there is nothing i can do about it. i have agreed to 1 night a week and every other weekend. but currently i can't stop him from picking up our son at daycare whenever he wants. currently my attorney is scheduling a default hearing b/c he did not respond to the divorce papers in time. if i am requesting every other weekend and 1 night a week in the divorce, and the stbx is seeing the child more then that against my wishes, how does that effect my chances of getting the standard visitation that i requested in the divorce papers?

a little background, stbx has no place to live on his own (he is with his parents) been unemployed for over 2 months and is helping with nothing financially. i personally think the visitation that i suggested is appropriate. [/quote]

"but currently i can't stop him from picking up our son at daycare whenever he wants."

---> ??? You know.....how is that a bad thing? Your obviously unavailable to watch the child; hence being in daycare. Why?...is that a problem?

"if i am requesting every other weekend and 1 night a week in the divorce, and the stbx is seeing the child more then that against my wishes"

----> Do your wishes....benefit the child more? Or does spending more time with one of the available parents?

"stbx has no place to live on his own (he is with his parents) been unemployed for over 2 months and is helping with nothing financially. i personally think the visitation that i suggested is appropriate."

----> Ok...so no place to live but lives with parents. I would say that is a place to live and his grandparents arent druggies, alcholics, or anything else like that I assume. I may be wrong. Not exactly brag rights, but its a place to stay.

--->I do not agree with a parent not financially helping out, but I dont feel its right to use amount of visitation time in comparison with how much the father pays. Standard visitation is the basic guideline and will usually be given, but why restrict it to JUST the supposed ordered times when the opportunities are there outside of them? Who's being hurt here?

--->Is there a valid reason you want to keep it to just standard visitation times?

--->Im sure this will be taken harsh...and well it is...do you REALIZE what some of us would do...FOR OUR KIDS...for the other parent to even ACT LIKE THEY GIVE A D*MN and WANT...to spend time with them?

--->I understand that in the beginning that things are clouded and there is usually alot of hurt and resentment, but please KEEP IT between you and your stbx. Dont start dragging your child into the middle of this as a tool.