I wanted to add one more thing: An affair is often the REASON for a divorce. It's the MOTIVE for the victim spouse choosing to make it a miserable, nasty divorce. But that's pretty much all it is. From time to time, there are states (and Ga may be one of them if I recall) where you are allowed to claim that he had "fault", being that he committed adultry, and as a result, you deserve more than half of the accumulated property. So if the two of you have accumulated a lot of STUFF... been building a good retirement fund or getting a lot of equity in the house, for example, while having those three babies... well, you may be able to get more than half of the stuff. But if you don't have so much stuff, starting world war three JUST for that is not helpful. It just ends up hurting the kids in the long run becasue you've got to find a way to stay a co-parent with this guy for the next 18 years EVEN IF you divorce him... so getting this angry, starting a war over it... it's useless and even harmful.

The only other thing an affair sometimes does is expose the children to an inappropriate morality. This is very rare because kids don't really understand what sex is (and SHOULD not understand it), and so the issue is whether the presence of this other woman in their lives makes mommy angry, and they get distressed over the anger... and confused at the fact that a new friend (they SHOULD have no understanding of sex and infidelity, so this is JUST a friend, to them)... is making mommy so angry. It's generally not a good thing to let yourself get crazy over it during a divorce unless your kids are being exposed to sleepovers with the new lover ... especially if the sleepovers take place before the divorce. Or if teens (who are just LEARNING the issues of what sex is and the morality of it) are being exposed to improper sexual relationships... overnights are OBVIOUS to them where they are NOT so obvious to pre-teens ... to the little children, an overnight is no different than their own sleepovers with friends in their own back yards, but to a kid who is old enough to ahve had the "sex talk"... a sleepover should be clear, and the parents' choices in what kind of morality to teach the kids will be worth thinking through.

Generally, the ONLY thing an affair does is provide the motive for the marriage to split, the motive for anger, the motive for starting world war three during your divorce. It's not usually a way to get a really good settlement, more money, or any o the things tha tpeople think it'll get them... and even if you DO get more money during the divorce because of the infidelity, the amount of money is NEVER enough to make up for the anger and fighting, the aftermath of world war three... and is SELDOM enough to compensate for the extra lawyer's fees needed to FIGHT world war three during the divorce.

If you choose not to stay with him. Consider going to counseling to figure out how to get past this so that you can find a way to a good relationship as a co-parent, rather than using the affair as an excuse ot start world war three... JUSt understadn that it's your reason for the divorce... and does not need to be a reason to totally trash your lives.