Now that I'm working back in my hometown, I've been seeing a lot of people that i knew back in the days before I met my wife...people I used to hang out with, talk to, etc.

I met an old friend by chance, and she said it would be great if we could meet up for lunch or something, so I accepted. We talked for awhile, hugged and exchanged pleasantries as would be expected of two old friends that havent seen each other in a long time.

Well, I quickly figured out she is also divorced. Her husband walked out on her for another woman. I explained MY situation to her. She said "You and me, see...we understand each other. We were such good friends back then...and I had a bit of a "crush" on you, but was always too scared to say anything."

I skirted around the topic for as long as I could until she finally just said "What do you think the possibility of you and I seeing each other is?"

I felt an almost immediate rush of panic. I didnt know what to say or do. All I know is that the thought of actually DATING someone before the divorce is final (hell, the stbx still hasnt even FILED) feels inherently wrong to me somehow. I felt awkward, like I was doing something I shouldn't be doing...like I was cheating on my wife.

I regained my composure, and calmly explained to her that I did not think I was ready for any kind of relationship, but that I was EXTREMELY flattered that a girl like her would be interested in me as far as an actual relationship goes. She said she completely understood as she had also been through this, and she appologized in case she made me feel awkward or uncomfortable. I told her I was fine, and that I was excited to FINALLY reconnect with some of my old friends again.

The rest of lunch was just small-talk and such.

Fact is, the girl is absolutely stunningly beautiful, but I honestly don't know her anymore...its been 13 years since I saw her last. Still, I felt SO awkward.....

I guess being with the same woman for almost 14 years now, all of my warning meters are still attuned to being married...and being in a situation like that with another woman definately made the "you're crossing the line" meter go ape.

Just when I thought I was making progress, I get a slap in the face back to the reality that I am NOT ready for anything at all...and I'm evidently not as over my stbx as I thought I was, or as much as I would LIKE to be.

YES, I realize she's done with me and has probably moved on to another relationship that she is merely keeping quiet from me for now. I just wish I could do the same.