He probably won't get custody, the 12 yr old could probably decide, but kids generally choose mom if its a girl. Your friend isn't going to just wake up one day and be happy, he has to decide if leaving is worth the time he loses with the children, this is true. Lots of people stay in unhappy marriages like that, (I didn't). If he decides to leave, he should make sure he is prepared, does it on his terms and takes care of the kids during the seperation dispite no order for support is in place. The judge would look at this as a good faith effort, and besides, you could get stuck with retro-child support and that can stick you when your not ready for it. Take what is his before he leaves, he may not see another thing. Make sure his direct deposits are stopped before leaving. Live someplace cheap, and don't worry about alledged abuse, I think it may be common and without police reports, it could be obviouse that its not true. It's a long, hard battle, but just have him decide if its worth it. He will see his children.