I know what you are going through is scary. I was only married 2 and a half years so for me it was the death of a dream. I did go through a mediator. I didn't want the divorce but I also don't want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with me. I also understand the verbal abuse. I was called "half-a**" "miserable" and "I suck the life out of people". Nice, Huh. Anyway, please get yourself a counselor. A good counselor will help put things into perspective. Plus they get paid to listen to you cry and then help you get back on your feet. I do recommend a mediator IF you and your ex can manage it they won't make things quite so nasty. You are at then end of one chapter and the beginning of another. Try to stay positive. You are in control of your destiny.