You are not having an affair .....yet. This seems to be the way most women start though. Just a friend that makes them feel better, then they want to spend more time, then etc etc. Be very carefull of the slippery slope you are on at this time, you are in a very vulnerable state and may do something you will later regret and otherwise would never even think about doing.

Concerning your questions though: Divorce is pure hell and should be avoided at all costs, unless there is abuse invovled. That is just my belief but from someone that went through it (signed finals in May) I can see the effects on my children already. It may be the correct decision but I never sugar coat the problems that you will incounter. Just read some of the posts in life after forum and you will get a glimpse of what you will be dealing with. Divorce is ugly, nasty, and filled with anger; such a thing could only be created by man or the devil himself (I'm not sure which is capable of more evil these days).