| disgustedinla |
| (New) |
| 04/01/08 01:21 AM |
| 72.161.157.62 |
Living With the Enemy
|
I may just be venting here because I just had to call the sherrif's dept on my soon to be ex, but I just can't take it anymore. I filed for divorce in February for several reasons including emotional, verbal, mental and occasional physical abuse as well as infidelities (most attempts of which were unsuccessful because they included my younger sister and my best friend).
In any case I am just writing to say that my living situation has become absolutely unbearable! Tonight as I was eating supper I had a plate of food dumped down the back of my scrub top and then jambalaya smeared into my hair in front of my 3 and 5 year old boys. Exactly how much more degrading can one person be to another? The reason we are still in the same house is because both of our lawyers have told us not to leave the house or the children as the other could claim some form of abandonment. This is getting so ridiculous though. My children did not need to see that! We are scheduled for our hearing on Thursday of this week and after tonight I can't wait. You know after all that, he says I am sorry I lost it but "you deserved it!" Then in the next breath he is telling me "I love you."
Is anyone else going through this? I have never called the sherrif's department before because most of his abuse was emotional calling me a bad mother, throwing my keys in the grass so I couldn't find them to go to work, throwing freshly baked cakes into the grass because he thought I was making them for work, or calling my work during Christmas time and threatening other employees with the verbal threat of a loaded shot gun because I had to work and would not be home until 7 am on Christmas morning. Anyway, occasionally he would push or shove or grab me by the arm, but the physical abuse was all inconspicuous. Tonight, however, he just took it too far.
Yes, I want and need this divorce. 7 years of marriage, 3 children, one girl deceased at 12 days and 2 living, beautiful boys is not enough for me to put up with this bull. He keeps saying "when you get a day job, things will be different." I honestly don't think people can change just like that. Look I love the man, but I can't be in love wiht someone who treats me like that. Well, not much else for me to say, just kind of wondering if anyone else has been going through anything similar and how they are coping with it?
| WolRon |
| (Platinum) |
| 04/01/08 02:35 AM |
| 66.242.81.47 |
|
Re: Living With the Enemy
|
Stories like yours make me very sad that at least you have a valid reason for wanting to leave (abusive husband) but that my wife left me for much less.
| Jada |
| (Platinum) |
| 04/01/08 03:57 AM |
| 69.115.64.195 |
|
Re: Living With the Enemy
|
Did you get a restraining order when the sheriff came out? If not, go to court first thing in the morning and file for a domestic violence restraining order and ask for exclusive possession of the house and include the kids in it. And ask that it's a long-term one. And ask that he attend an anger management course. The fact that he assaulted you (and what he did is an assault) in front of the kids is not going to go well for him at all.
I am sorry that you are going through this.
| Sarah1014 |
| (Platinum) |
| 04/01/08 08:24 AM |
| 24.1.90.49 |
|
Re: Living With the Enemy
|
You are making the right decision to end it. His spots aren't going to change just because you change your hours. Don't let him fool you.
| WolRon |
| (Platinum) |
| 04/01/08 09:20 AM |
| 66.242.81.47 |
|
Re: Living With the Enemy
|
It's not ASSAULT Jada. Stop overdramatizing everything.
| mistake#2 |
| (Platinum) |
| 04/01/08 11:42 AM |
| 71.100.165.23 |
|
Re: Living With the Enemy
|
Wolron, dumping food on someone is considered assault...call your local police department or local public school and just ask.
| disgustedinla |
| (New) |
| 04/01/08 06:36 PM |
| 75.121.118.193 |
|
Re: Living With the Enemy
|
I know I am, but some days it just seems that staying would be easier. Not that I am going to stay, it just is getting so ugly!
| disgustedinla |
| (New) |
| 04/01/08 06:39 PM |
| 75.121.118.193 |
|
Re: Living With the Enemy
|
To All,
Assault or not...and I do have a bump on my head where the plate of food abrased it before it was dumped down my back...it should not have happened. No one deserves to be treated like that and two young, impressionable, male childeren especially do not need to be exposed to such vile behavior!
| disgustedinla |
| (New) |
| 04/01/08 06:51 PM |
| 75.121.118.193 |
|
Re: Living With the Enemy
|
WolRon,
People get divorced for all sorts of reasons including abusive relationships like mine, but that doesn't make it any easier on either party. In my case i am the one who filed for the divorce, but I do love my husband and hate to see him in so much pain. However, I am not putting myself through a life full of torment just to appease him.
I don't know what your situation is, but I will tell you it took an awful lot for me to finally make this decision and it was one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life. Actually, it was the second hardest thing...burying our first born child was the hardest. Just know that whatever is going on in your wife's mind, she is struggling with this just as much as you are.
| Jada |
| (Platinum) |
| 04/01/08 09:55 PM |
| 69.115.64.195 |
|
Re: Living With the Enemy
|
[quote]It's not ASSAULT Jada. Stop overdramatizing everything. [/quote]
You really are clueless. Go and ask your local DA if throwing food on someone is an assault.
Don't be surprised if s/he tells that not only is it assault, it could be considered assault with a weapon.
I am very familiar with what constitutes an assault. And it is rather obvious that you are not.
| Samsung |
| (Platinum) |
| 04/01/08 10:14 PM |
| 71.214.159.236 |
|
Re: Living With the Enemy
|
It may be assault, but they would never get a conviction (although they might with the bump on the head). It's also a felony to have a rummage sale without a sales tax permit. Ever heard of someone getting convicted? Of course not. Some things are not convictible.
To the original poster, I'm not downplaying your situation. It sounds like you've lived in an abusive situation. Good luck to you.
| WolRon |
| (Platinum) |
| 04/02/08 12:45 AM |
| 66.242.81.47 |
|
Re: Living With the Enemy
|
Dictionary Definition
-----------------------
"as·sault
n.
1. A violent physical or verbal attack.
2.
-a. A military attack, such as one launched against a fortified area or place.
-b. The concluding stage of an attack in which close combat occurs with the enemy.
-c. An unlawful threat or attempt to do bodily injury to another.
-d. The act or an instance of unlawfully threatening or attempting to injure another.
-e. Law Sexual assault.
-f. The crime of rape.
3. Law
-a. An unlawful threat or attempt to do bodily injury to another.
-b. The act or an instance of unlawfully threatening or attempting to injure another.
-c. Law Sexual assault.
-d. The crime of rape.
4.
-a. Law Sexual assault.
-b. The crime of rape.
"
Actual Statute definition
-----------------------------
609.224 ASSAULT IN THE FIFTH DEGREE.
Subdivision 1. Misdemeanor. Whoever does any of the following commits an assault and is
guilty of a misdemeanor:
(1) commits an act with intent to cause fear in another of immediate bodily harm or death; or
(2) intentionally inflicts or attempts to inflict bodily harm upon another.
Now, Nowhere in either of those definitions does it say anything about dumping food on anybody. It's not bodily injury. No physical harm is done (unless maybe the food was scolding hot...)
I'd say that dumping a plate of food on someone would be harassment or disorderly conduct, but definitely not assault. Assault is a much more violent crime that can even carry a higher status (Gross misdemeanor or Felony).
Job Interview: "Yes sir, I checked the felony box on the application because I once dumped Spaghetti-O's on my wife. It was a very violent plate of Spaghetti-O's..."
Dumping food on your spouse is abusive. I did not contest that. I just said that it wasn't assault. If he beat her over the head with the dinner plate, then that would be assault.
By the way, just what kind of FOOD would qualify as a 'weapon'? A wet noodle?
"...and thats when he bitchslapped me with a slice of buttered bread..."
| theanswerguy |
| (Platinum) |
| 04/02/08 01:05 AM |
| 205.188.117.143 |
|
Re: Living With the Enemy
|
The dictionary definition of assault and the legal grounds for evidence of domestic abuse ( per Louisiana statutes ) are not similar .
§1775. Evidence of domestic abuse; prohibited disclosure; reporting requirement
A. An individual shall demonstrate that the individual is a victim of domestic abuse by providing one of the following:
(1) A protective order, injunction, temporary restraining order, or any other court order issued by a court of competent jurisdiction against the perpetrator for the purpose of protecting the individual or the individual's family from domestic abuse by the perpetrator.
(2) A law enforcement record documenting the domestic abuse of the individual or a member of the individual's family.
(3) Documentation that the abuser has been convicted of a criminal offense perpetrated against the individual or a member of the individual's family.
(4) Medical documentation of the domestic abuse by a licensed physician, nurse, or nurse practitioner who has examined the individual or a member of the individual's family who has been abused.
(5) An affidavit from one of the following persons who is currently providing treatment or services for the abuse to the individual or the individual's family: the director of a designated domestic violence agency; a counselor or advocate employed by a domestic abuse shelter or battered women's program; a member of the clergy; a licensed professional counselor; a licensed social worker; a licensed psychologist; or a licensed psychiatrist. The individual shall obtain the affidavit from one of these listed persons and provide it to the Department of Labor for review.
B. Evidence of domestic violence experienced by an individual, including the individual's statement and corroborating evidence, is subject to the provisions of R.S. 23:1625 and 1660(C), and may not be disclosed by the Department of Labor without the individual's consent or sufficient evidence of the employer's legitimate need.
C. The Department of Labor shall submit a report annually to the Governor's Office on Women's Policy and the House and Senate committees on labor and industrial relations. The report shall document the number, duration, total cost, and geographic distribution and other related statistics of all lost wage benefit claims made under any provision of this Part.
D.(1) The Department of Labor shall conduct a follow-up study, and report its findings to the House and Senate committees on labor and industrial relations by January 1, 2010, of all recipients of the lost wage benefits and whether the benefits helped the recipient.
(2) The department shall also include in its report whether the recipient claimed the benefits more than once, how much time elapsed before the recipient became employed, and if the recipient exhausted the benefit before finding work.
Acts 2007, No. 421, §1.
| Jada |
| (Platinum) |
| 04/02/08 06:27 AM |
| 69.115.64.195 |
|
Re: Living With the Enemy
|
[quote]Dictionary Definition
-----------------------
"as·sault
n.
1. A violent physical or verbal attack.
2.
-a. A military attack, such as one launched against a fortified area or place.
-b. The concluding stage of an attack in which close combat occurs with the enemy.
-c. An unlawful threat or attempt to do bodily injury to another.
-d. The act or an instance of unlawfully threatening or attempting to injure another.
-e. Law Sexual assault.
-f. The crime of rape.
3. Law
-a. An unlawful threat or attempt to do bodily injury to another.
-b. The act or an instance of unlawfully threatening or attempting to injure another.
-c. Law Sexual assault.
-d. The crime of rape.
4.
-a. Law Sexual assault.
-b. The crime of rape.
"
Actual Statute definition
-----------------------------
609.224 ASSAULT IN THE FIFTH DEGREE.
Subdivision 1. Misdemeanor. Whoever does any of the following commits an assault and is
guilty of a misdemeanor:
(1) commits an act with intent to cause fear in another of immediate bodily harm or death; or
(2) intentionally inflicts or attempts to inflict bodily harm upon another.
Now, Nowhere in either of those definitions does it say anything about dumping food on anybody. It's not bodily injury. No physical harm is done (unless maybe the food was scolding hot...)
I'd say that dumping a plate of food on someone would be harassment or disorderly conduct, but definitely not assault. Assault is a much more violent crime that can even carry a higher status (Gross misdemeanor or Felony).
Job Interview: "Yes sir, I checked the felony box on the application because I once dumped Spaghetti-O's on my wife. It was a very violent plate of Spaghetti-O's..."
Dumping food on your spouse is abusive. I did not contest that. I just said that it wasn't assault. If he beat her over the head with the dinner plate, then that would be assault.
By the way, just what kind of FOOD would qualify as a 'weapon'? A wet noodle?
"...and thats when he bitchslapped me with a slice of buttered bread..." [/quote]
Your definition proved my assertion of the stbx physically attacking her by throwing food on her.
Seriously, go and ask your local DA or even a cop.
| WolRon |
| (Platinum) |
| 04/02/08 03:12 PM |
| 72.164.214.98 |
|
Re: Living With the Enemy
|
"Your definition proved my assertion of the stbx physically attacking her by throwing food on her."
My definitions proved that it's NOT assault. There was NO bodily injuring involved. Do you read what you WANT it to say or what it ACTUALLY says?
I suppose that the next thing I hear from you will be that spitting on someone is ASSAULT.
| mistake#2 |
| (Platinum) |
| 04/02/08 03:54 PM |
| 71.100.165.23 |
|
Re: Living With the Enemy
|
[quote]"Your definition proved my assertion of the stbx physically attacking her by throwing food on her."
My definitions proved that it's NOT assault. There was NO bodily injuring involved. Do you read what you WANT it to say or what it ACTUALLY says?
I suppose that the next thing I hear from you will be that spitting on someone is ASSAULT. [/quote]
Again, ask your local police...cause spitting on someone is assault. Haven't you ever heard of people being prosecuted for spitting on a police officer?
Do you realize how many nasty germs can be in someones saliva?
Did you realize that it's also against most city ordinances to spit on the sidewalks?
So this makes me wonder...how many times have you dumped food or spit on someone?
| Jada |
| (Platinum) |
| 04/02/08 06:44 PM |
| 69.115.64.195 |
|
Re: Living With the Enemy
|
[quote]"Your definition proved my assertion of the stbx physically attacking her by throwing food on her."
My definitions proved that it's NOT assault. There was NO bodily injuring involved. Do you read what you WANT it to say or what it ACTUALLY says?
I suppose that the next thing I hear from you will be that spitting on someone is ASSAULT. [/quote]
Physically attacking someone with saliva IS an assault.
Do you think physical attacks have to involve hands hitting the body?
Seriously, talk to your local police station.
They will tell you that not only is physically attacking someone with a plate of food is assault, so is spitting on them.
You really do have blinders on when it comes to assault.
Edited to add:
The last time my ex assaulted me, all he did was try to force me up the stairs. He grabbed my hand and held it at a funny angle. It hurt while he was doing it. But it wasn't sore afterwards. There was no bruise, nothing.
The cops called it a simple assault. And it was enough to get a restraining order. And given what he has done in the past (which was worse than the last one), I would have gotten a permanent restraining order.
There doesn't have to be injury to the body for it to be an assault.
| Jada |
| (Platinum) |
| 04/02/08 06:44 PM |
| 69.115.64.195 |
|
Re: Living With the Enemy
|
[quote][quote]"Your definition proved my assertion of the stbx physically attacking her by throwing food on her."
My definitions proved that it's NOT assault. There was NO bodily injuring involved. Do you read what you WANT it to say or what it ACTUALLY says?
I suppose that the next thing I hear from you will be that spitting on someone is ASSAULT. [/quote]
Again, ask your local police...cause spitting on someone is assault. Haven't you ever heard of people being prosecuted for spitting on a police officer?
Do you realize how many nasty germs can be in someones saliva?
Did you realize that it's also against most city ordinances to spit on the sidewalks?
So this makes me wonder...how many times have you dumped food or spit on someone? [/quote]
Very good question. And I wonder if the someone was his ex?
| theanswerguy |
| (Platinum) |
| 04/02/08 08:34 PM |
| 205.188.117.143 |
|
Re: Living With the Enemy
|
I suppose that the next thing I hear from you will be that spitting on someone is ASSAULT.
>>>>>>>>> In 2007 the U.S. 9th Circuit Court of Appeals ruled " "intentionally spitting on another person is an offensive touching that rises to the level of simple assault" . It can also be considered battery if the spittle hits the target .
| Ariel |
| (New) |
| 04/17/08 08:03 AM |
| 66.202.111.93 |
|
Re: Living With the Enemy
|
I always find the comments interesting by all the people that are trying to help you. Bottom line, help yourself. Everyone deserves to wake up in the morning and look forward to a new day. Everyone deserves to go to sleep at night without fear. I hope you decide for yourself and /or your children to move forward. After your rather short term marriage, you should be able to do so. Don't wait like I did and find out when it is too late that there are so many bad days behind you that you can't forget. I wish you the best of luck. Please, do something for yourself.
| boyzmom |
| (Bronze) |
| 04/17/08 11:48 PM |
| 75.169.53.24 |
|
Re: Living With the Enemy
|
In my state, yes, it is an assault. Throwing food at someone that could burn really is. Point is, it escalates from there - from degradation and humiliation to bruises and worse. Get out while you can. Contact your local domestic violence hotline and find out what your options are.
| tookway2much |
| (Platinum) |
| 04/29/08 09:09 PM |
| 71.164.45.23 |
|
Re: Living With the Enemy
|
You need to call the police with every abusive situation. Don't allow this jerk to degrade you in front of your sons without suffering any repercussions.
| KShawver |
| (New) |
| 05/07/08 11:07 PM |
| 98.20.142.108 |
|
Re: Living With the Enemy
|
You are making the right decision in getting divorced. I was in the same situation. He will not change. You will always be to blame for everything. He will also try to turn everyone against you, including your kids. This is how he tries to retain his control over you.
I was married for 24 years. My nasty divorce was finalized in April of 2007, so it's been a little over a year since "officially" divorced. My ex husband still gives me grief as often as he can in regards to the kids, but hey - he's just a lonely "little" man that has to deal with things his way. I'm free from him and he's very angry that he has lost his control over me.
I had a very hard time with my decision to get out of this marriage - just like you. But things are much different now that I'm out. I have a fresh perspective of what I was in and how wrong it was.
I have since written a book about the disastrous marriage, the steps I took to get out and getting back on my feet again. You can find it posted here:
http://www.bookhabit.com/competition/book_details.php?book_id=562
Yes, I've entered it in a competition and it's entered under a pen name to protect my children. I'm hoping to get my story out there to help strengthen as many women as I can. Please read and rate my story to help me get the message out.
You will see many similarities between your husband and my ex. My book contains excellent counseling as I went through the divorce as well - you should benefit greatly from it.
I will be here to help you in any way I can. Regards, k