It's such an easy mistake to make... it's not a person you really love being with, which is why you're splitting up, and you mgiht not trust him with the child because he's not spent a lot fo time at it before, but unless he's a drug addict, please trust that he will not kill the child so there is no need for you to tell him what to do... unless he asks for suggestions, or unless it's new news, like you just found out that the child is allergic to strawberries, it's not necessary to instruct him like you would instruct a babysitter. He's not your sitter and not intending to interfere when he comes to see the child, he's simply trying to be a parent on his own, separately, this time without you interfering or intervening like you may have gottne used to during the marriage (and I'm not judging here, I'm simply saying that this is a division of labor that lots of husbands & wives fall into... the wives handle certain things and the husbands handle others and they may nag or interfere if either tries to do the other's job for a moment... and you probably think of the children as your job, so it's jus ttoo easy to fall into that habit of directing him on how to HELP you with the job).

When you are separated, the parent who previously took a back seat in the partnership needs to step up and be a whole parent, just like you need to step up and pull your own weight financially. You have to find a way to make ends meet without his income (except the child support and kid stuff) and he needs to find a way to spend time with the child without your help/interference. You will have more time to build your career if he takes more time with the child, and he will have a better relationship with the child if he does it, so it's really worth it to try to work this out.

SO many fathers become much better parents after a separation when they start to manage parenting on thier own. if your lucky, you ex will start to step up & do well at it also.

THe money issues are separate. Frustrating, but separate.

Once the parenting issues are worked out and he's more comfortable with the time you're letting him have with the child, then issues of whether he agrees with the daycare arrangements can be discussed with a whole lot less anger and resentment attached. And though he might always not want to pay, he'll find (if you let him research the options on his own) that you cant' get a daycare provider to charge you for just a day at a time... you can't take them otu early and not pay for their time... it's a matter of paying for the time they have booked than for the time they have spent. When he figures it out, he may come to the same conclusions tha tyou have, that your arrangements are the best available for the price... but LET HIM figure this out. Don't get frustrated because he doesnt' understand yet... it's clearly not stuff he's dealt with yet. Let him get a rhythm to the parenting thing and over time it will start to work out... but be very careful... paranoid, even... about connecting HIS TIME with the kids and MONEY you want for them.

You'll hear that you get more money from him if you get more time with them, and that's true (not as much money as you spend on them, though...)... but you never want to be suggesting that if he gives you more money, you'll give him more time...

I was pretty curt before and I was hoping you'd get the point... and I think you did... but I also wanted you to have an explanation so you'll know WHY.