| aspect |
| (Platinum) |
| 05/16/08 11:21 AM |
| 66.160.216.207 |
Can't get this thought out of my head
|
As most of you know, I have a friendly relationship with the STBX. Not a FWB relationship, but we get along very well.
Last night, I went to her house to help her setup her wireless internet connection. I was coming back from jujitsu, so it was around 10 pm. She was laying in the bed with the boys in their room, asleep. I go to use her restroom and spot a birth control container on the counter.
Ok, here's the part that's confusing me...
I'm not upset about it. In fact, I kind of had a feeling she was having sex with someone else by now. She checked out of the relationship well before me. So, she's likely ready to have that kind of intimacy, whereas I'm not yet.
But, for some reason, I can't stop thinking about it. I don't even care if she's having sex. I'm not sad about it. I'm completely indifferent. But I can't help but see that pill case in my head.
Maybe I just need to write about it. I don't want to tell anyone about it, because that might put her in a bad light.
Thoughts? Am I really more upset about this than I'm allowing myself to feel?
Or am I cured? :)
| mrpat |
| (Platinum) |
| 05/16/08 11:29 AM |
| 68.41.4.141 |
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Re: Can't get this thought out of my head
|
No man, it's hard to be cast aside and it's hard to think we have possibly been replaced altogether. I remember days like this and it's just "odd".
| HardKnox |
| (Platinum) |
| 05/16/08 11:40 AM |
| 65.165.5.70 |
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Re: Can't get this thought out of my head
|
I almost kind of wish my X wife WOULD get involved with somebody else. That would kind of "take the problem off my hands" and be the final release for ME to get on with my life.
Five plus months past divorce.
One date.
No real "action" yet.
:-(
| tookway2much |
| (Platinum) |
| 05/16/08 11:46 AM |
| 71.182.22.165 |
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Re: Can't get this thought out of my head
|
It's great that your dealing with the aspect of your wife having sex with someone else. Perhaps she is taking them to regulate a female problem. Perhaps she could be a little more discreet and put them away. Is there a reason why she may want you in particular to see it?
| movingon2 |
| (Platinum) |
| 05/16/08 11:47 AM |
| 72.218.63.100 |
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Re: Can't get this thought out of my head
|
I guess people are different but birth control pills aren’t something I would leave lying on the counter especially when there are kids about. Perhaps she forgot to put them away? Or if you are a regular user of her restroom maybe she wanted you to see them for whatever reasons????
If I were you I’d start using the hallway restroom from now on…it will help better with the recovery period 'just in case' you are not yet completely cured ;)
| movingon2 |
| (Platinum) |
| 05/16/08 11:49 AM |
| 72.218.63.100 |
|
Re: Can't get this thought out of my head
|
tookway2much..you took the words right out of my mouth:)
| tookway2much |
| (Platinum) |
| 05/16/08 11:49 AM |
| 71.182.22.165 |
|
Re: Can't get this thought out of my head
|
Did she want the divorce? Why are you allowing her to still be your problem? At what point are you going to say "enough is enough". You deserve happiness to. Search harder for it/
| aspect |
| (Platinum) |
| 05/16/08 12:31 PM |
| 66.160.216.207 |
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Re: Can't get this thought out of my head
|
I don't think it was necessarily put there for me to see. She's not spiteful or vindictive. I think it was more of an oversight on her part. She put the kids to bed, and laid down with them and fell asleep.
I would of used the hall bathroom, but it's right next to the kid's room and I didn't want to wake anyone up. Also, I was already in her room, since that's where her wireless router was. Not making excuses, this is just the way things are setup. I honestly don't go looking for stuff.
And yes, she wanted the divorce. I didn't. But, that's not stopped me from wanting to remain friends with her. I can't help that, she's been my best friend for 15 years, and I don't want to throw that away simply because I can't remain married. I truly want her to be happy. I'm still adjusting to the not being married part. I don't feel like she's my problem. I'm not feeling like I need to be the hero on the white horse either. She needed some help, so I helped her out.
| Motor-Head |
| (Platinum) |
| 05/16/08 01:51 PM |
| 75.149.88.225 |
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Re: Can't get this thought out of my head
|
Looks like the consperisest Are out in full force on the planning of the pills.
As far as the thought in the head Of course it should make you think/kind of buther you a bit but as HK said it will help give closure. Kind of seals the deal that she is gone.
| malone |
| (Platinum) |
| 05/16/08 02:03 PM |
| 125.239.48.83 |
|
Re: Can't get this thought out of my head
|
I would be surprised if you DID'NT think about it.
Birth control pills are a symbol of everything in your marriage - a relationship, sex and children.
So I would guess that they gave you a big reminder of your lost future together. Especially as now they are a symbol of something else - and that's someone else.
I think you will be okay - it's kind of a last adjustment to make. Adjusting to someone else sleeping with you ex is still a big thing.
| tiredofnagging |
| (Gold) |
| 05/16/08 05:24 PM |
| 68.108.57.232 |
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Re: Can't get this thought out of my head
|
[quote]I almost kind of wish my X wife WOULD get involved with somebody else. [/quote]
I know that feeling! I'm in the "I don't love my wife anymore" stage and I wish she'd find someone else to torture. The only thing is she would end up with our daughter and I'm crazy about that kid! Unless I can prove she's unfit.... ;-)
| juliacinaz |
| (Platinum) |
| 05/16/08 05:46 PM |
| 68.2.56.129 |
Re: Can't get this thought out of my head
|
[quote][quote]I almost kind of wish my X wife WOULD get involved with somebody else. [/quote]
I know that feeling! I'm in the "I don't love my wife anymore" stage and I wish she'd find someone else to torture. The only thing is she would end up with our daughter and I'm crazy about that kid! Unless I can prove she's unfit.... ;-) [/quote]
I am really offended by these posts about proving a mother unfit who obviously is not. Just because you want custody does not give you the right to slander her. It is not about what you want or need but about what is best for the children. You my friend have alot to learn.
My ex tried to say I was unfit because he wanted to keep our daughter and have his HO GF too. It was absolutely horrific the things he said about me. None of which btw had any truth to them. To this day I can not look at him without seeing those malicious names he called me. Do you have any idea how much unnecessary pain that has caused me and my family and our daughter? How much our child is affected by it? Obviously you have not given any thought to the affects of your game to get custody.
This makes me sick!!!!!
If you don't love her then leave and face the consequences of the divorce. Losing your child 50% of the time or more. Maybe that will make you rethink your plan?
| tiredofnagging |
| (Gold) |
| 05/16/08 11:01 PM |
| 68.108.57.232 |
|
Re: Can't get this thought out of my head
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[quote][quote][quote]I almost kind of wish my X wife WOULD get involved with somebody else. [/quote]
I know that feeling! I'm in the "I don't love my wife anymore" stage and I wish she'd find someone else to torture. The only thing is she would end up with our daughter and I'm crazy about that kid! Unless I can prove she's unfit.... ;-) [/quote]
I am really offended by these posts about proving a mother unfit who obviously is not. Just because you want custody does not give you the right to slander her. It is not about what you want or need but about what is best for the children. You my friend have alot to learn.
My ex tried to say I was unfit because he wanted to keep our daughter and have his HO GF too. It was absolutely horrific the things he said about me. None of which btw had any truth to them. To this day I can not look at him without seeing those malicious names he called me. Do you have any idea how much unnecessary pain that has caused me and my family and our daughter? How much our child is affected by it? Obviously you have not given any thought to the affects of your game to get custody.
This makes me sick!!!!!
If you don't love her then leave and face the consequences of the divorce. Losing your child 50% of the time or more. Maybe that will make you rethink your plan? [/quote]
I'm sorry that my post has obviously offended you. However since you have no intimate knowledge of my particular situation perhaps you could get off your high horse and keep your "judgements" to yourself.
People come to forums like this to vent and share experiences, not to be harassed. Stop being part of the problem and try to be part of the solution. In other words if you can't say anything nice or even nonjudgemental, don't say anything at all. We're all here because of lifechanging events in our own individual lives.
WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE??
| Robfrommichigan |
| (Platinum) |
| 05/17/08 01:19 AM |
| 69.214.130.238 |
|
Re: Can't get this thought out of my head
|
That's it.
You guys both go to your rooms and don't come out till you can learn to play nicely together.
And no snacks before dinner.
My mother tells me I ate a bunch of birth control pills as a child..I vaguely remember thinking, 'Ew, piece of candy'!!!
The Dr said don't worry about it, he just won't ovulate for a while...
=)
| tiredofnagging |
| (Gold) |
| 05/17/08 01:25 AM |
| 68.108.57.232 |
|
Re: Can't get this thought out of my head
|
[quote]That's it.
You guys both go to your rooms and don't come out till you can learn to play nicely together.
And no snacks before dinner.
My mother tells me I ate a bunch of birth control pills as a child..I vaguely remember thinking, 'Ew, piece of candy'!!!
The Dr said don't worry about it, he just won't ovulate for a while...
=) [/quote]
I just love busybody, cacklers who open their yap without any basis. But you're a funny guy.
| Robfrommichigan |
| (Platinum) |
| 05/17/08 01:39 AM |
| 69.214.130.238 |
|
Re: Can't get this thought out of my head
|
Tired of nagging,...
You're a dick.
Welcome to my ignore list.
| germangirl631 |
| (Platinum) |
| 05/17/08 06:26 AM |
| 76.116.235.34 |
|
Re: Can't get this thought out of my head
|
From a woman's perspective, I take birth control pills regularly, and not for birth control. They are prescribed to help manage a painful disease called endometriosis which can be debilitating to women. They can also be prescribed to help with fibroid turmors. I don't have sex. But I've been on the pill for years. It basically keeps me functioning.
| aspect |
| (Platinum) |
| 05/17/08 10:22 AM |
| 66.160.216.207 |
|
Re: Can't get this thought out of my head
|
While I'm sure there's other reasons why she's taking them (acne, monthly stuff, etc), I'm going to stick with thinking it's because she's having sex. Those thoughts will help me move on. Which is something I need.
| tiredofnagging |
| (Gold) |
| 05/17/08 11:30 AM |
| 68.108.57.232 |
|
Re: Can't get this thought out of my head
|
[quote]Tired of nagging,...
You're a dick.
Welcome to my ignore list. [/quote]
And you're an asshalf, takes 2 of you to make an ...... well figure it out. Guess experimenting with women's hormones ruined you.
Welcome to my couldn't care less list.
| phyzguy |
| (Platinum) |
| 05/17/08 12:55 PM |
| 207.177.243.254 |
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Re: Can't get this thought out of my head
|
My STBX, who still lives with me, just had an IUD put in. That really really hurt me. First I got slammed with the idea that she's leaving me. And then she has that put in. I thought, jeez, moving on already? The bed isn't even cold. Anyway, I'm glad it doesn't really bother you. I wish I was there. It sure bothers me when I think of somebody else with what used to be my wife.