| mrpat |
| (Platinum) |
| 06/27/08 10:29 AM |
| 68.40.174.9 |
Got myself in a mess again (sh!t)
|
I am wondering what the purpose is in life I will find someday.
Wednesday turned out to be the day from hell.
Started out great. Got my morning court requirements in. Had my kids. Went fishing. Checked to make sure nobody went into the "tank" here.
Then the snowball started rolling. Ex-wife wanted the kids for some non-important bbq's on my Sunday, so I told her no.(This did not go over well) Got a call from my mortgage co. She is 120 days late on Monday ..........court action against me pending. Forgot to call my hotline for court app breathalyzers. My very seldom called color was Wednesday..........I missed going. They can now lock me back up from not at all to 1 yr.
I have tried to fly the straight and narrow but somehow find myself in trouble once again for nothing more than getting caught up in life and forgetting to make a phone call.
I really don't want to be locked up again. I'm not a bad person that needs to be locked up. I'm not violent, I care for others, I try to take care of my kids the best I can. I work when I can, I help when I can. What is to be gained by putting me back in jail? I know I have a purpose in life...........I just wish I could find it. I'm by no means in the dumps, just confused and in need of prayers.
| Jada |
| (Platinum) |
| 06/27/08 10:31 AM |
| 69.115.64.195 |
|
Re: Got myself in a mess again (sh!t)
|
Can you call them now and get an appointment?
Crossing my fingers that it is not at all to jail.
| mrpat |
| (Platinum) |
| 06/27/08 10:37 AM |
| 68.40.174.9 |
|
Re: Got myself in a mess again (sh!t)
|
No a miss can't be changed and is treated as a positive test.
| jststartinova |
| (Platinum) |
| 06/27/08 10:38 AM |
| 66.55.200.98 |
|
Re: Got myself in a mess again (sh!t)
|
I'm with Jada - can you call now? It's worth a try rather than to wait and see what might happen next. I'm not sure what your situation is but my daughter (albeit only 16) has been in some trouble - and we are working with the court, juvenile officer, state appointed counselor and anger management counselor to get some charges dropped against her. I find when she messes up or misses something, if she calls to explain we are most always given the benefit of doubt. It's worth a try! Just call!!!
| HardKnox |
| (Platinum) |
| 06/27/08 10:41 AM |
| 65.165.5.70 |
|
Re: Got myself in a mess again (sh!t)
|
JFC Mr. Pat, am I going to have to start baking you ANOTHER French bread with a file in it? I sure hope not.
I'd pray for you but my condemned prayers would probably result in you being incinerated by a bolt from the blue.
There's gotta be a way out of this......
| PainedPatty |
| (Platinum) |
| 06/27/08 10:43 AM |
| 71.110.191.123 |
Re: Got myself in a mess again (sh!t)
|
OK Pat, this is official...You're the best and life is unfair!! I hope that the first thing you did is call your lawyer. I can't believe they would lock you up again. Let us know if you need any character references or anything else that we can do to help you. Also, have you called the mortgage company? Maybe if they understand your situation they will make some sort of deal with you.
Hang in there little brother, we're all in your corner holding you up.
Patty
| mrpat |
| (Platinum) |
| 06/27/08 10:53 AM |
| 68.40.174.9 |
|
Re: Got myself in a mess again (sh!t)
|
I try not to let my anger and self-pitty turn to RAGE, but I don't understand what is going on with my life. I try to do right by others thinking that would be enough to carry me through. Sometimes I wonder if my kids wouldn't be better off with someone other than my ex and me. Our mistakes and misfortunes effect them. I don't so much care about myself but damn if my kids don't take the hit all the time. I'm doing the best I can and I still fuk up!
| germangirl631 |
| (Platinum) |
| 06/27/08 10:57 AM |
| 63.127.202.141 |
|
Re: Got myself in a mess again (sh!t)
|
Every parent fuks up. You think you're the only ones? Hello! The world is full of fuked up people. Trust me. You're not a failure and your kids will pull through. Your kids need to see you persevering, not giving up. It's a valuable lesson for kids to see their parents survive through tough times. It teaches them they can do it, too.
Did you try calling about your test? I wouldn't just resign myself to the fact that I failed that test when I never took it - I just forgot to call!! I would call anyway. At least it shows you're trying to be responsible. You never know when someone will give you a break. by not calling, it appears you don't care. Seriously. Call. It can't hurt the situation, can it?
| mrpat |
| (Platinum) |
| 06/27/08 11:06 AM |
| 68.40.174.9 |
|
Re: Got myself in a mess again (sh!t)
|
I was told ahead of time that a miss is still not going to be considered anything more than probation violation. No amount of calls or money is going to change that. I do have till the 14th to get my mind set around this and enjoy the time I have with the kids till then.
| jststartinova |
| (Platinum) |
| 06/27/08 11:07 AM |
| 66.55.200.98 |
|
Re: Got myself in a mess again (sh!t)
|
I mentioned above that my daughter has been in some trouble - basically, her ex-boyfriend poured chocolate milk and rice over her head in the lunch room and she assaulted the safety officer trying to get to him. Anger and embarrassment. Assault is assault but it wasn't a punch or anyting, it was flailing arms that got her. Anyway...that was the start of many, many more bad days for her. My husband and I were fighting, he was in and out due to his affair and our terrible way of handling things. Lots of drinking.
My daughter grew to despair and mentioned killing herself. I called in my family for help and we all agreed we needed counseling. My dr. refused to go and broke a bunch of things in my house saying I hated her and wanted her to leave. I called 911 and had her taken in for evaluation.
IMAGINE, my SURPRISE, when after 4 hours in the ER with a psychiatrist I was called in to her room and told this:
"Your daughter is a fine young woman. I believe if you and your husband could get your shit together, she will be just fine....."
Talk about a dose of bad parenting reality. Been there.
Your kids need you - don't think they don't - pull yourself together :) From the sounds of the other posts, your a great person - remember that!
| Shaun |
| (Platinum) |
| 06/27/08 11:30 AM |
| 24.230.101.247 |
|
Re: Got myself in a mess again (sh!t)
|
Sorry Pat, damn I think you have earned about 7 lifetimes worth of good luck after all you have been through.
| emsgirl |
| (Platinum) |
| 06/27/08 11:35 AM |
| 64.73.68.130 |
|
Re: Got myself in a mess again (sh!t)
|
oh Pat... you are in my thoughts and prayers.
I will be praying that you do not have to go back for this minor violation.
hugs to you.
| mrpat |
| (Platinum) |
| 06/27/08 11:38 AM |
| 68.40.174.9 |
|
Re: Got myself in a mess again (sh!t)
|
Another thing if I keep them on Sunday and don't let them go with their mother to the bbq's. Am I just being selfish and putting myself above my children? Would it kill me to give up a day? I'm sure they'd have fun and enjoy the bbq's. It's hard for me to understand when I'm being a parent and when I'm just being selfish. Do I dislike my ex so much that I can't see I'm just being controlling? Or is it I just want my time with my kids? So many questions today and not enough answers in my head.
| Shaun |
| (Platinum) |
| 06/27/08 11:40 AM |
| 24.230.101.247 |
|
Re: Got myself in a mess again (sh!t)
|
errr I meant GOOD luck, DOH!
| ATVILLAS |
| (Platinum) |
| 06/27/08 11:57 AM |
| 89.243.33.21 |
|
Re: Got myself in a mess again (sh!t)
|
[quote]Another thing if I keep them on Sunday and don't let them go with their mother to the bbq's. Am I just being selfish and putting myself above my children? Would it kill me to give up a day? I'm sure they'd have fun and enjoy the bbq's. It's hard for me to understand when I'm being a parent and when I'm just being selfish. Do I dislike my ex so much that I can't see I'm just being controlling? Or is it I just want my time with my kids? So many questions today and not enough answers in my head. [/quote]
Have you talked to your children to see hat thier feelings are? Perhaps there could be a compromise where they could go to the BBQ and still visit after or before.
Hang in ther bud,one slip does not make you a criminal, you are NOT going back to jail!
| mrpat |
| (Platinum) |
| 06/27/08 12:08 PM |
| 68.40.174.9 |
|
Re: Got myself in a mess again (sh!t)
|
I know that the answer is yes they'd like to go. I'm just pissed because she "Disney landed" me on my last scheduled holiday with the kids. Better to go to the big fair than hang out at your dads. So I let them go and spent the day alone again. Why doesn't she understand not to mention the things you might miss when you stay with dad. She seems to spend her money on "Disney" rather than reality and I am forced to spend in reality.
| chatter box |
| (Platinum) |
| 06/27/08 12:27 PM |
| 66.180.116.13 |
|
Re: Got myself in a mess again (sh!t)
|
How long ago were you supposed to call? I would call your doctor and see about getting a blood sample dated. You could at least show there was nothing in your system that way.
| lairdude |
| (Platinum) |
| 06/27/08 12:35 PM |
| 99.142.33.73 |
|
Re: Got myself in a mess again (sh!t)
|
Why not offer a trade? My ex and I do that all the time. I never hold the kids back from things that they will enjoy but I never short myself or them on time with me.
| NHTom |
| (Platinum) |
| 06/27/08 12:38 PM |
| 74.94.132.66 |
|
Re: Got myself in a mess again (sh!t)
|
I could be wrong, but I BELIEVE that a judge has to be involved with sentencing. Perhaps laying it out in front of the judge like this would help:
"I messed up and didn't do what I was supposed to. It was my fault and I take responsibility. I'm sorry. I will do my best not to let it slip again.
"Life with my X and kids has been all but unmanagable and overwhelming. I know that's not an excuse, but please take it into consideration."
Judges are human, too.
Good luck.
| tookway2much |
| (Platinum) |
| 06/27/08 12:40 PM |
| 71.164.49.119 |
|
Re: Got myself in a mess again (sh!t)
|
Oh MrPat,
I'm sorry to hear of your new troubles. Life can be so unfair. You've always been there for us, I wish there was something more we could do. Rest assured, you will be going on the prayer line. Everything is going to be okay, Sweetie.
As far as your children goes let them go to the BBQ. Be the better parent. And remember no matter how well your parenting skills are we have all felt guilty, way to many times. It's being a normal good parent.
Do keep us posted. You know we are all here, for you.
| abbysfv |
| (Platinum) |
| 06/27/08 12:40 PM |
| 209.36.244.253 |
|
Re: Got myself in a mess again (sh!t)
|
I'll say a prayer for you.
| happytobdivorced |
| (Platinum) |
| 06/27/08 12:40 PM |
| 65.114.61.218 |
|
Re: Got myself in a mess again (sh!t)
|
Damn! Sorry-maybe you can set an alarm on your cell phone to remind you to make your phone call. Don't you have a probation officer that you can call and try to get some help from. Hell give them a piss test, blood test, hair follicle test-something to show that you are not hiding anything-you just forgot.
I'm with lairdude-let the kids go, but next sunday you get them on her sunday.
Good luck, I will be praying for you. You don't deserve to go to jail.
| malone |
| (Platinum) |
| 06/27/08 03:04 PM |
| 122.57.190.165 |
|
Re: Got myself in a mess again (sh!t)
|
[quote]I was told ahead of time that a miss is still not going to be considered anything more than probation violation. No amount of calls or money is going to change that. I do have till the 14th to get my mind set around this and enjoy the time I have with the kids till then. [/quote]
That may be, and I'm sure you are right. But you are not a bad person. You're a good person. You are a good person who forgot to do something. Hell, if I went to jail for every time I forgot to do something, I'd be in jail for more years than I've been put on this earth for. I am the original forgetful person.
Back to you. Yes, life does seem to have a plan for each of us and there are times when that plan seems so bad, you wonder why you're here. But damn Pat, you've got to go with that plan, but you don't just roll over on it. You at least try to influence it and get a slightly better outcome.
A miss is probably always going to be a positive. Like you say. But you owe it to yourself and your kids and to the people on the forum to make a call to the probation service and go and see them face to face - NOW. Not next week. Right now. Go and face them. That counts for a lot. Don't sit at home waiting to be locked up.
The next thing to do is ring your lawyer and tell him/her you stuffed up.
The worse thing you can do, is do nothing. I have had major issues to sort over the last 8 months which at times, I stuck my head in the sand on. Some have had a better outcome for me trying to do something about it. Others haven't changed at all but influencing half of the bad things positively made my life more bearable.
It's every little bit that counts. Confronting this now and making the calls now might be the differnece between 2 months in jail or 12 months in jail if indeed this means jail. Now that you owe it to yourself to do something about.
Please call both parties today Pat. You are a good guy. You deserve to create better outcomes for yourself.
| Mr.Revenge |
| (Platinum) |
| 06/27/08 03:56 PM |
| 206.193.235.2 |
|
Re: Got myself in a mess again (sh!t)
|
mrpat,
Sorry man.
Please listen to the EXTREMELY SOUND ADVICE that the wonderful people on this forum just continue to provide.
Be PROACTIVE!!!
Positive vibes and prayers comin' at ya!!!
Ron
| ssrachel |
| (Platinum) |
| 06/27/08 04:09 PM |
| 72.82.173.226 |
|
Re: Got myself in a mess again (sh!t)
|
i hope you made some phone calls today and figured something out.
because if i have to wait several weeks or even months to talk to you again, i'm going to be really, really pissed.
see, you think your post was about you, well you are wrong, it was about me and the others here who would miss you if you were able to put a stop to doing more time. now maybe you can't stop the system and you'll be back in, but at least go down fighting. fight for yourself, fight for your children. your children deserve the parent that you are.
| malone |
| (Platinum) |
| 06/27/08 04:27 PM |
| 122.57.190.165 |
|
Re: Got myself in a mess again (sh!t)
|
[quote]i hope you made some phone calls today and figured something out.
because if i have to wait several weeks or even months to talk to you again, i'm going to be really, really pissed.[/quote]
Yup! Same here.
HOPE YOU MADE THE CALLS PAT. MAKE THEM NOW.
| cheeps |
| (Bronze) |
| 06/27/08 07:11 PM |
| 66.207.251.186 |
|
Re: Got myself in a mess again (sh!t)
|
Pat....please keep your kids on the days you are supposed to have them. Just because there is a bigger/so called better activity...it can wait. Or it can be rescheduled...or it should be.
Your time is your time. Their time with you is their time with you. Your EX is a twat.
| Bloor |
| (Platinum) |
| 06/27/08 11:10 PM |
| 65.103.120.144 |
|
Re: Got myself in a mess again (sh!t)
|
You're in my prayers, Pat.
| mrpat |
| (Platinum) |
| 06/28/08 08:30 AM |
| 68.40.174.9 |
|
Re: Got myself in a mess again (sh!t)
|
Your all very wonderful people and I'm lucky to know you all. I don't get down about this stuff just confused. I face each day with a smile since getting my head around this divorce stuff. I believe all things in life happen for a reason, even if I don't see the meaning. I have what I consider to be a wonderful life and I enjoy being in it. Divorce and rebuilding a life after it has taught me that giving up or rolling over are not options for me or anyone else. Any form of life is meant to be lived, the good makes us happy. The bad can make us sad...... but we learn from it. If there were no questions in life, I bet it would be pretty dull. I have found that I don't need much to live life. Things I thought I needed like money orr a woman at my side was just wall dressing. Good or bad, I wake everyday happy to be a part of life, taking the good with the bad and understanding things change. How I manage them is what brings me to my place in life, I find myself grateful just for the opportunity to be a part of it as it moves forward. Meaning of life ………………I don’t want to know, but I like the search for knowledge, understanding and love. I have come a long way since my divorce……………would be a shame to give up now. I will handle this no different than I would handle anything else that happens. The best I can understand whatever happens.......I've been there, done that and have the t-shirt to prove it. Wishing you all happiness and clarity in life, with the understanding life is meant to be lived, not feared.
This rant brought to you by Pat. Now go out and get YOUR t-shirt.
| Mr.Revenge |
| (Platinum) |
| 06/28/08 08:37 AM |
| 206.193.235.2 |
|
Re: Got myself in a mess again (sh!t)
|
mrpat,
Already have my t-shirt, have for months...I thought I actually "wrote it"!!!
Good luck with everything. You have a fantastic attitude. That and a sense of humor are like life vests in this sea of bewilderment.
| cwag |
| (Platinum) |
| 06/28/08 02:22 PM |
| 75.65.115.37 |
|
Re: Got myself in a mess again (sh!t)
|
aw, pat. damn. i can so understand how the day to day busy-ness of life can leave you with something hanging inpsite of the best intentions. it happens to all of us, even without the stress of divorce and its aftermath.
all i can think is that hopefully they will look at your track record and have some mercy. you certainly have earned it.
and you are a total inspiration. as soon as i get my ink cartridge changed i'm going to print out that last post.
awesome/
thank you for sharing.
| scbeck |
| (Platinum) |
| 06/28/08 04:31 PM |
| 99.252.97.150 |
|
Re: Got myself in a mess again (sh!t)
|
Pat I'm with Malone and Kat and pretty much everyone else here when I say get pro-active. It can't hurt any worse than it already has to make few phone calls and make the effort to admit the mistake but also to minimize the damage. I expect they tell every one in the beginning the same thing about the consequences of a miss but I also suspect that despite that there is some flexibility for every situation.
I'm hoping that the system has some degree of common sense and that your punishment for forgetting won't be too excessive.
As for the BBQ all I can say is What do the kids want? If they really want to go then I guess maybe you let them go but with concessions, but if they really don't care and it is not important then stick to the schedule.
You have my prayers for sure Pat.
Christine
| taryn |
| (Platinum) |
| 06/28/08 06:02 PM |
| 75.185.130.182 |
|
Re: Got myself in a mess again (sh!t)
|
i am SO sorry, Pat.
ditto all the words of encouragement.
(((hugs))) from here in Hell.
maybe someday in michigan.
| mrpat |
| (Platinum) |
| 06/28/08 07:55 PM |
| 68.40.174.9 |
|
Re: Got myself in a mess again (sh!t)
|
Gave the kids the option to go to the bbq's. My daughter is gonna go for sure. My son wants to wait and see if we are going water skiing tomorrow. No concessions, no strings attached, just whatever the kids want to do. Maybe my ex-wife will catch on to this line of thinking if I keep doing it.
| HD Guy |
| (Platinum) |
| 06/28/08 08:03 PM |
| 166.128.146.11 |
|
Re: Got myself in a mess again (sh!t)
|
Hey Pat,
Just dropping in to say hello and all of us are thinking and praying for you. No advice, you are manning up and will handle the situation to the best of your abilities.
Bud
| jststartinova |
| (Platinum) |
| 06/28/08 08:05 PM |
| 66.30.82.188 |
|
Re: Got myself in a mess again (sh!t)
|
Keeping the kids in mind, and allowing them to make some of these decisions will only make them respect you more as they grow older. Your ex should also be willing as another poster said to swap the time if they decide to use your time to attend an event with her. When my stepson was younger we did that a lot - sometimes it stunk because swapping weekends meant we might see him 2 in a row, but not see him 2 in a row - which is a lot when he is not living in your house.
Anyway - I've been thinking about you - hope you made some calls and are on top of your game again :)
| PinkRose |
| (Platinum) |
| 06/28/08 10:41 PM |
| 24.181.101.222 |
|
Re: Got myself in a mess again (sh!t)
|
Sorry Pat that this has happened to you. I am with Kat
in saying that I would be extremely mad if I did not
see you around for awhile. Your contributions are priceless.
Like everyone else said - be proactive. What do you have
to lose?
As far as the kids, I would let them decide. My son's
dad and I work around things usually with no conflict.
We are suppose to have 50/50 custody but it is more like 75/25 (with me being the 75 percent). I often let my son
go to things with his dad on my time because I know that
my son loves his dad. I know how hard it is to give up
time with your children.
Good luck to you.
BE PROACTIVE PLEASE!!!
| lairdude |
| (Platinum) |
| 06/29/08 02:04 AM |
| 99.142.33.73 |
|
Re: Got myself in a mess again (sh!t)
|
[quote]No concessions, no strings attached, just whatever the kids want to do. Maybe my ex-wife will catch on to this line of thinking if I keep doing it. [/quote]
Early on I decided that the only person whose actions I can control are mine and that I would behave the way I wanted her to behave and see what happened in return. Sometimes it went my way, sometimes not, but I was always happy with my choices and in the end that is what it is all about.
| chatter box |
| (Platinum) |
| 06/30/08 08:08 AM |
| 76.185.29.10 |
|
Re: Got myself in a mess again (sh!t)
|
Pat I was just wondering if you got your missed phone call worked out.
| mrpat |
| (Platinum) |
| 06/30/08 09:58 AM |
| 68.40.174.9 |
|
Re: Got myself in a mess again (sh!t)
|
No. However I was able to tweak my parenting skills this weekend, so I got the important one done. There is a chance of not going to jail but if I do I at least fit in and never have a problem with the people in there. They seem to be more than happy not to bother me.
| malone |
| (Platinum) |
| 06/30/08 10:43 AM |
| 122.57.190.165 |
|
Re: Got myself in a mess again (sh!t)
|
Hey doofus!
You don't have a problem with the people out here either! And you know us. We're more than happy to bother you until you get that phone call sorted, stay out of jail and keep on hanging out with all of us.
:)
| mrpat |
| (Platinum) |
| 06/30/08 10:57 AM |
| 68.40.174.9 |
|
Re: Got myself in a mess again (sh!t)
|
Damn Mo, your so sweet and all with the pet names(Doofus). If you lived closer I'd take you to jail with me.........LOL.
| PainedPatty |
| (Platinum) |
| 06/30/08 11:48 AM |
| 71.110.191.123 |
|
Re: Got myself in a mess again (sh!t)
|
Pat, I am so pleased that you somehow have kept your sense of humor thru all this sh!t!! I have a very strong feeling that this is going to turn out ok for you (and for us too!) as long as you do stay PROACTIVE. And if you do have to go back, we'll just bombard the place with so much mail for you that they will have to release you immediately to keep their system from clogging up.
Keep the ole chin up,
Patty
| mrpat |
| (Platinum) |
| 06/30/08 05:32 PM |
| 68.40.174.9 |
|
Re: Got myself in a mess again (sh!t)
|
Need some more parenting help. Received this email about an hour ago and still trying to get my head around it.
*****
I have a bbq on fri @ 2 @ one of my customers house can the kids come for fireworks,fishing w/ me on bogie lake and I'll bring them back after?
We are going up north w/ my aunt pat and uncle paul to go canoeing and fishing on wed the 9th in the afternoon and coming back on monday late afternoon sometime.*****
Friday is my holiday as I let her "Disney" my last holiday with my kids and being a good dad I let them go.
The canoeing and fishing!!!!!!!!!!!!! She scheduled for my weekend with the kids. Not to mention she didn't ask...........just DEMANDED! We are full 50/50 custody and I find my time to be with my kids to be very important.
ALSO, why would you take the kids away somewhere that is going to cost money when you haven't paid MY mortgage in 4 months.
I gave her the divorce she wanted so she could be with the other man. When does she start to leave me alone? I have moved on in life and just want what is mine from this ..........my time with my kids not being interrupted and not telling my kids what they're gonna miss by being with me because she can't seem to schedule sh!t on her time not mine.
Some of you folks know me. I’m not a bad man that deserves this. When does she start acting like a divorced parent and not a child ? I want my kids to have a fun and fulfilling life ……..but damn when will she stop this sh!t! Everything I schedule with my kids I do on my time and never bother her on her time. WTF!!!!!!!!!!!
| PainedPatty |
| (Platinum) |
| 06/30/08 05:39 PM |
| 71.110.191.123 |
|
Re: Got myself in a mess again (sh!t)
|
Pat, it's time for another phone call to your divorce attorney. I'm sure that she is violating some of the custody and visitation orders. Also, she really needs a good verbal slap upside the head if she thinks that she can just forget to pay the mortgage, but then take the kids on trips that she does pay for. I agree with your description of her as a child, worse, she is a seriously spoiled brat!!! Stand up for your rights, man. She is seriously violating them!
Patty
| mrpat |
| (Platinum) |
| 06/30/08 06:54 PM |
| 68.40.174.9 |
|
Re: Got myself in a mess again (sh!t)
|
Patty unfortunately if I involve lawyers and courts I will only be hurting her financially and the children 1/2 the time. So............I think it's better for me to take the hit and grin and bare it. I didn't ask for this but neither did my kids. I just wish she would grow up. I can't help her get there because I'm the DEVIL
| CityGirl |
| (Platinum) |
| 06/30/08 06:59 PM |
| 75.111.165.176 |
|
Re: Got myself in a mess again (sh!t)
|
Unfortunately, some people don't ever seem to grow up. But, just keep doing the right thing, encourage her to only schedule things on her time, and you be the bigger better person. Your kids will appreciate it later on, believe me. And you're NOT the devil. I was married before, a long time ago, and that title is already taken!
| Hurley |
| (New) |
| 06/30/08 10:19 PM |
| 24.214.14.139 |
|
Re: Got myself in a mess again (sh!t)
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Mr. Pat:
I don't know you, but read your thread....I hope you won't mind if I tell you what I think.... :-)
I too, have kids with an ex....and over the years we went through stuff like him not paying child support (at all!)
At first he was all about his parents taking the kids, and then taking them to movies and etc...really made me feel like an idiot, because I could not afford to do that. I was lucky to afford shoes for them at the time....my son was treated like the golden child...then one day my kids grew up and realized that he actually other than a few movies and action figures (don't ask)(LOL) never spent any time with them....one day my son told me thank you for always being there for him. I know that you are hurting right now...and I gather some other not so nice things are happening...but if you have done all that you can....just be there for your kids when they need you...let them know every second you can that you love them...that is the really important stuff. The rest won't even matter one day when they are grown up...they WILL remember the love that you gave them. My kids do not have have a relationship with that side of their family...I didn't do do anything...they finally figured it out for themselves. I know sort of how you feel as I am going through another divorce....it is hard to have faith in anyone, or believe that there is good in the world...but there are a few of us people out here that still consider ourselves remarkably strong, unique, smart and hopeful. Hope....that is the one thing that I have to remind myself of too. I hope so much that your heart is eased.
Look after yourself!
| Jada |
| (Platinum) |
| 06/30/08 10:34 PM |
| 69.115.64.195 |
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Re: Got myself in a mess again (sh!t)
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[quote]Patty unfortunately if I involve lawyers and courts I will only be hurting her financially and the children 1/2 the time. So............I think it's better for me to take the hit and grin and bare it. I didn't ask for this but neither did my kids. I just wish she would grow up. I can't help her get there because I'm the DEVIL [/quote]
Are you paying alimony? If so, I would go back to court and ask that rather than pay her directly, you pay the money directly to the mortgage company. This way, you may be able to salvage something. Of course, there is no guarantee that a court will order that.
| KGrow |
| (Platinum) |
| 06/30/08 11:43 PM |
| 24.8.144.220 |
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Re: Got myself in a mess again (sh!t)
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Dude, you need some boundaries. If you really think it is in the kids best interests for her to trump your parenting time, at least insist it include a like exchange for some of her parenting time.