| calfree |
| (New) |
| 11/03/07 08:18 AM |
| 72.207.124.73 |
spousal support request after long separation
|
I hope someone has some advice on this. I am the wife and was married 15 years, then we separated. The separation has been for six years. Four years after separating, husband became "disabled" due to a motorcycle wreck. Now he is filing for divorce and seeking spousal support.
During our marriage he made more money than I. Now I make $50K a year and he claims income of only $1600 monthly from disability.
Does anybody think the court will award spousal support to him, or perhaps had a similiar experience? Thank-you.
| Samsung |
| (Platinum) |
| 11/03/07 08:48 AM |
| 75.163.20.247 |
|
Re: spousal support request after long separation
|
In CA, you are eligible for lifetime alimony if you are married just 10 years. This usually does not occur, unless there are some special circumstances, and I regret to say, your husband has just the type of circumstances needed. I would be highly surprised if alimony were not awarded, unless he has a very large amount of assets that can support him for the rest of his life. The sad part is this didn't need to occur. You could have been divorced long before the accident. What made you not finish the divorce years ago? What does your attorney say?
| theanswerguy |
| (Platinum) |
| 11/03/07 09:03 AM |
| 205.188.117.143 |
|
Re: spousal support request after long separation
|
Was this a legal separation or informal ?
| calfree |
| (New) |
| 11/03/07 09:13 AM |
| 72.207.124.73 |
|
Re: spousal support request after long separation
|
The sbtx is an extremely difficult person to deal with. Frankly, he scares me. I have no attorney yet, but am meeting w/one next week.
I added up the monies I have given him during the separation and it is over $10,000. Plus I paid his health insurance and it covered over $83,000 in medical bills.
Although when we split he was making more money than me, he job-hopped afterwards and acted irresponsibly. He cashed in $27,000 from a pension plan that was community property four years into the separation, and, instead of paying bills, etc, he bought the sportbike and wrecked it, which led to his disability.
Someone obviously told him now would be a good time to file for divorce and push for spousal support.
I just can't see where my leaving him has any connection with his current situation. As I understand it, spousal support protects a spouse from being left in financial distress as the result of divorce. When we separated he was employed and making good money.
How am I responsible for his reckless behaviour four years after we split?
| calfree |
| (New) |
| 11/03/07 09:25 AM |
| 72.207.124.73 |
|
Re: spousal support request after long separation
|
informal separation.
| theanswerguy |
| (Platinum) |
| 11/03/07 09:35 AM |
| 205.188.117.143 |
|
Re: spousal support request after long separation
|
Unless you're divorced or legally separated ( and both parties specifically waive the right to alimony ) each spouse still has the duty to financially provide for the other . Sorry , but there is a good chance of him being awarded spousal support due to the length of the marriage , his disability & the disparity in your incomes .
| Samsung |
| (Platinum) |
| 11/03/07 09:36 AM |
| 75.163.20.247 |
|
Re: spousal support request after long separation
|
"How am I responsible for his reckless behaviour four years after we split?"
Because you were still married, and only had an informal separation. Had you been legally separated, you might not have to pay alimony. Had you been divorced, he would have no claim whatsoever.
| calfree |
| (New) |
| 11/03/07 09:55 AM |
| 72.207.124.73 |
|
Re: spousal support request after long separation
|
Well, that's not good news, but thanks for your replies. I'll repost after I talk w/ the lawyer and let everybody know what he says.
| Samsung |
| (Platinum) |
| 11/03/07 09:58 AM |
| 75.163.20.247 |
|
Re: spousal support request after long separation
|
Good luck. Hope everything goes well.
| calfree |
| (New) |
| 11/16/07 05:37 PM |
| 72.207.124.73 |
|
Re: spousal support request after long separation
|
Just a quick update; I haven't forgotten to keep everyone informed.
I have seen two lawyers. The first one cost $300.00 and came highly recommended. He gave some practical advice, but wasn't interested in the case since, basically, there was no real estate involved or other high dollar assests involved. He recommended another lawyer, a woman, and this one seems very good.
Both lawyers keyed in immediately on the community property issue. In my case, the x had seized everything and had kept it under his control. The approximately value is about $70,000
Half of this is, of course, mine, and I was deprived of it. This may be a huge issue in whether or not my x can demand spousal support. Both lawyers felt I may have some "credits" coming, as they put it.
I kept excellent records of all the money I have given him over the last six years, and this is a big help also. It amounts to over $12,000 in cash support I have given him. This may also help.
My income is $51,000 per year, while his disability is $1700.00 monthly. The Dissomaster estimates my spousal support could be about $500.00 a month.
What the judge has to do is weigh all the factors, suchas the value of the community property he has seized, and all the previous support I have given.
My X put down 2 years as the date of separation. The actual time is six years, which I can extensively document. By waiting so long to ask for support, my X has weakened his case. When we separated he was actually making much more money than me.
And finally, my x did not serve me with his income and expense paper with the original summons, and he did not file it with the court. In San Diego, that is a no-no, and he has to re-file now. So I have time to work on a strategy.
My lawyer knows his lawyer, and she feels this case will be settled quickly. There just isn't enough real money, such as a house, expensive cars, etc., and the long separation with neither party demanding immediate support indicates a lessened need for it.
As my lawyer explained, spousal support protects Suzy home maker when the 6-figure earning husband gets a mid-life crise and suddenly decides to leave, taking his income with him and leaving her in the ditch wondering what happened.
Anyway, I will update later.
| gigi |
| (Platinum) |
| 11/16/07 06:07 PM |
| 68.110.73.61 |
|
Re: spousal support request after long separation
|
That's interesting. Your lawyer is right about what spousal support is for, but that's kind of a sexist way of putting it... it's really about protecting the one who agrees to stay home & take care of things there, allowing the other partner to be free to pursue more significant work responsibilities.
And in some instances, if one party of the otehr becomes disabled during the course of a marriage, then the other party does end up responsible for the support of the disabled one (making it inappropriate for someone to ditch a spouse just because they become sick... basically enforcing the "in sickness" part of the traditional vows). Which is where you might get caught.
In my state, it's required that the person prove, before getting support, that they NEED it, meaning that if you are separated for 6 years without receiving support, then you won't get any... in which case, your having made so many contributions to him over the past 6 years would prove that part of his case for him, that he NEEDED it... to the tune of about $2,000 per year... and the other problem you'd have in my state would be that he only can get by with only $2,000 a year support from him ONLY if he also gets the equity in the community property as part of the property settlement.
In MY state, you might very well lose that equity as well as have to pay $2,000 per year in spousal support... the theory would be that you can go ahead & earn enough to replace what you lose, but you stayed married to him long enough that he became incapable of earning enough to support himself, and in fact you supported him while he was doing the things that caused him to be unable to support himself.
What was your fault in all this that might have put you at a disadvantage? Well, they'd say that it was in allowing your stbx and the rest fo the world to believe that you still chose to remain his partner financially by not following through with the paperwork to divorce him once you left him. It's a matter of taking care of business, allowing yourself to remain in a union with a person whose activities, earnings, spending you disapprove of... allowing him and the world to believe you approve of it and are willing to support it. It's a matter of taking care of your business & not allowing it to languish. The thing that would save you here would be if you did NOT support him in the meantime... & required him to figure out his own support issues. See how it kind of all fits together as a plan?
I'm sure California has similar principles, but depending upon how their applied, they may end up with different ultimate results in your specific case, which is a kind of unusual case.
In the USUAL case, if you give a person years of a livelihood & expectation that they'll be able to not work in the workplace to earn a living to support themselves, or if you stay with them long enough that they're not capable of supporting themselves, through age or disability, then you'll probably have to support them in some way, either through property settlement or alimony/spousal support... but yours is unusual, so the general principles at work will be picked apart & the results aren't as easy to predict.
| calfree |
| (New) |
| 11/16/07 06:30 PM |
| 72.207.124.73 |
|
Re: spousal support request after long separation
|
What's interesting in San Diego is that there are NO adopted guidelines in deciding spousal support. The judge is free to make any decision he feels is just. So, you never know.
However, my lawyer did say my case goes against the grain in terms of typical spousal support awards. In my case, the x was making great money when we separated, and I wasn't. It was only after three years of separation that he became disabled (motorcycle accident).
My lawyer doubts very much a judge will now penalize me for the bad luck on his part.
As for me helping him out financially, the theory is that I was trying to do the right thing, paying bills, etc., while he, on the other hand, cashed in community property ($27,000 worth), bought a motorcycle (instead of taking care of bills), wrecked it in six months, and is now trying to use the court to take advantage of what he believes is a loophole to gain support.
My lawyer, in her experience, has seen this before and rarely has it worked. In her opinion, he has waited too long to suddenly claim he can't get by.
The other issue is why didn't I divorce right away. Well, as many women will say, fear of what the other spouse will do when it comes to an end is a major reason why many women wait/delay to file. Both lawyers recognized this right away, and neither thought it would be used against me. Family courts see this all the time.
But, it's the total details that will decide this case. I'll keep everyone posted, and when it is over I'll come back with the results and maybe lessons learned.
| ronis108 |
| (Bronze) |
| 12/13/07 03:08 PM |
| 70.143.82.253 |
|
Re: spousal support request after long separation
|
[quote]As my lawyer explained, spousal support protects Suzy home maker when the 6-figure earning husband gets a mid-life crise and suddenly decides to leave, taking his income with him and leaving her in the ditch wondering what happened.
Anyway, I will update later. [/quote]
Some of the above does not sound like "no fault" The Suzie homemaker part is true, and the midlife crisis part is probably truer than it is supposed to me.
ron
| calfree |
| (New) |
| 01/18/08 04:20 PM |
| 72.207.124.73 |
|
Re: spousal support request after long separation
|
Hey, I just wanted to update and not let this story die out. THere has been one court appearance, where a continuance was granted since the ex did not file a income/expense declaration. My lawyer is conducting discovery as of now. I'll let everyone know what happens next.
It appears the ex is going to do his best to drag things out and try to drive up lawyers costs and force me to settle. I am able to borrow money and can fight, but what a shame this is going on.
My lawyer filed an outstanding response to his petition; very aggressive and challenged everything. I kept excellent records of everything over the last six years of separation and it really helped my lawyer. My ex claimed on his petition only 2 years of separation, when it was actually six. I documented the six years with rent leases agreements, rent payments at another address than the one we shared, statements with other people who knew me the last six years, utility bills, etc.. Tis weakens his case considerably as far as getting support. After six years of separation it is far less likely a judge will see a compelling need for support. As far as the disability he claims, he has not provided any hard documentation on that yet. I have pictures of him climbing a tree and using a chain saw, this after he was supposedly disabled, and my lawyer submitted this to the court.
I'll let everyone know what happens next.
| allthumbs |
| (Platinum) |
| 01/20/08 02:21 PM |
| 76.21.84.87 |
|
Re: spousal support request after long separation
|
I have been in a prolonged divorce and spousal support situation myself. I have been researching the findings of the courts and the appeal courts decisions re: spousal support. Here are some facts:
Spousal support prior to a dissolution is pendente lite and the Dissomaster can be used to calculate the amount. In CA, the is no such thing as "legal separation". By law, a couple are legally separated when one leaves. Any monies you give a spouse are considered gifts unless they are ordered by the court. In your case, the money you gave your ex credits you with nothing and shows your ability to pay. So it works against you; not in your favor. The fact that he became injured and cannot work will be enough to qualify him for spousal support, unless you can prove he has adequate resources to provide for him "in the lifestyle that was enjoyed during the marriage." There is a distinction between temporary spousal support and permanent spousal support. Temp. support is prior to trial and calculators can be used. Permanent support is a settlement issue and the court is to consider all the factors in CA. Family Code 4320. Unless your marriage was of a short duration, he will get temp. spousal support and possibly permanent spousal support. The best thing you can do is attempt to have the court force him into rehabilitation for his injury. Is he permanently disabled? Will he need retraining to acquire new job skills? The court will consider these issues as well. This is not a slam dunk, as your attorney is attempting to say. IMO, attorneys give their clients a much more "rosy" picture of the reality of divorce and settlement. It rarely turns out as the attorneys try to portray.
| allthumbs |
| (Platinum) |
| 01/20/08 02:32 PM |
| 76.21.84.87 |
|
Re: spousal support request after long separation
|
[quote]"How am I responsible for his reckless behaviour four years after we split?"
Because you were still married, and only had an informal separation. Had you been legally separated, you might not have to pay alimony. Had you been divorced, he would have no claim whatsoever. [/quote]
This is not true in CA. In a marriage of long term (10+ yrs.) the court maintains jurisdiction over support issues unless it is stipulated out in the settlement agreement. In Ca. here is what the courts have ruled. A person can commit a crime, be sentenced to prison and still be eligible for spousal support. Why? Because they have not met the requirements to impute income to them. Welcome to the whacked-out legal morass of Ca. Family Courts and divorce law. This is where responsibility, morality and ethics are penalized and lies, criminal behavior and immorality are rewarded.
| calfree |
| (New) |
| 02/06/08 02:10 PM |
| 72.207.124.73 |
|
Re: spousal support request after long separation
|
Just an update: a second continuance was granted after ex is slow answering discovery questions. Everything delayed now till March.
| gigi |
| (Platinum) |
| 02/06/08 02:37 PM |
| 68.110.69.37 |
|
Re: spousal support request after long separation
|
The longer this drags on, the better it is for you... I'm assuming he does not have temporary support from you in the meantime? It's proving that he is not desparate for the support and can manage on his own.
| calfree |
| (New) |
| 02/06/08 05:38 PM |
| 72.207.124.73 |
|
Re: spousal support request after long separation
|
You are correct; there is no temp support going on.
The system sucks, though. I had to respond with my income and expense reports, assests, etc.., and he now has complete knowlege of what I make, where I work, assests, all of that stuff. He files an incomplete (ludicrous) statement about his supposed expenses and income, hiding everything. My lawyer now has to drag it all out of him.
The thing is, as i pointed out before, he took ALL the community property and has hid it from me for 6 years. I have no idea what's left or where it is, if any. My ex is a control freak, and I was glad just to get out. Now it seems the court system works in his favor. But we'll see. I'll keep things posted as they happen. Thanks for the support.
| calfree |
| (New) |
| 02/06/08 05:50 PM |
| 72.207.124.73 |
|
Re: spousal support request after long separation
|
Funny story about the last court appearance:
After the continuance was granted (the two lawyers huddled up front and then left), I remained in my seat in the courtroom viewing area. I did not want to leave because I would have to walk by my ex. I figured I would wait until he left before I did. I did not want any confrontations.
After an hour, the judge noticed me still in the court. He said "You don't need to remain. Your case has been continued."
I said, "I know."
The judge said, "Then why are you still here?"
I said,"Because I don't want to leave and walk past my ex."
The judge said, "Is he still here?"
I said, "Yes."
The judge said, "Where?"
I pointed him out. My ex had stayed also. He knew he had me trapped and I would have to walk right by him to leave the court.
The judge looked at him and said, "Why are YOU here?"
My ex said, "I'm just observing."
The judge said, "Oh, really?"
Next thing I knew I had a armed marshall escort me out of the courtroom and all the way to my car in the parking lot. The marshall said they see this type of intimidation by ex-husbands all the time.
| Sarah1014 |
| (Platinum) |
| 02/07/08 06:37 PM |
| 24.1.90.49 |
|
Re: spousal support request after long separation
|
That's amazing. I truly didn't know where your story was going and what you were going to say to the judge. Thank God for honesty!
I'm following your case.
| calfree |
| (New) |
| 03/20/08 10:21 AM |
| 72.207.124.73 |
|
Re: spousal support request after long separation
|
Update: THere have been a couple of continuances. The ex is very slow responding to discovery requests. At one point he was 6 weeks late providing requested bank statements. There is another hearing in a month. I am making headway proving his reported income is much lower than his actual income; but I need more financial info from him and he is delaying, of course.
| gigi |
| (Platinum) |
| 03/20/08 03:20 PM |
| 68.110.66.68 |
|
Re: spousal support request after long separation
|
Grrr. Stbxs who drag their feet like this are really making certain it's quite profitable to be a divorce lawyer.
Oh, I'd missed your story on the marshall escorting you out of court last time... thought I'd mention that I've been to court many times as an advocate for criminal victims and have also seen my share of court hearings in divorce cases where one party or the other was potentially in danger, and whenever we have a potential victim present, we ALWAYS wait (lawyers, advocates, friends, everyone) till the ex is gone out of the whole courthouse before we leave, and then we watch and wait till the potential victim is out of the parkign area. ONE time when a potential victim said she was fine and walked out, it turned out her ex was waiting around the corner. She had gotten a new car so he wouldn't be able to follow her in thier town, but she didn't know he was falling her down the street to her car. Once she got into the car, she saw him run behind it to get her license plate number, and next thing you know, she was feeling like she was being followed again, every place she looked.
Since then, my friends & I not ONLY wait in the courtroom and ask the judge or clerks for an armed escort out if we feel the need, but we ALSO ask for an armed escort all the way to the car, which sometimes means walking a block away. There is never a perfect way to protect you, but at least an armed escort can make it LESS likely that the pathetic, whimpy, girl-intimidating type guys will stalk at least on THAT occasion.
| calfree |
| (New) |
| 04/10/08 10:57 PM |
| 72.207.124.73 |
|
Re: spousal support request after long separation
|
Another update: a hearing was scheduled for this monday; looks like another continuance. The other lawyer is talking settlement now, no support demands. Looks like we scared him pretty good with all the discovery we came up with. My ex is "disabled" but we subpoenaed all his bank records for the last three years and it looks as though he has been working quite a bit on the side. This puts him in a difficult position; now it looks as though his whole claim about being "disabled" is B.S. We might have him on the ropes now; we'll see.
| gigi |
| (Platinum) |
| 04/11/08 12:37 AM |
| 68.110.66.68 |
|
Re: spousal support request after long separation
|
Lawyers don't like it when they find out that their clients have lied to them. I'll bet your stbx told his lawyer that he was unable to work and you were a witch who abandoned him after he became disabled... and it probably came as a surprise that he's obviously lying in his disclosures, keeping stuff from you (probably not providing it to his lawyer) and proof that you were really separated for six years and that he can climb trees & such. I'll bet his lawyer is furious at his game playing and may have not been paid on top of that.
| calfree |
| (New) |
| 04/11/08 07:06 PM |
| 72.207.124.73 |
|
Re: spousal support request after long separation
|
Interesting you say that, because it looks as though this is true. We have been separated since 2001, yet in his original filing he put 2005. His lawyer had to be surprised when my lawyer deluged him with the true facts. I had tons of documentation that proves I have been on my own since 2001: signed apartment leases, solo checking accounts, dozens of witness statements, etc.
From there on it has just been a matter of gathering as much documentation and proving that he is lying about everything. My advice for anybody who separates is to document everything that happens between the date of separation and the final dissolution. Throw NOTHING away. Document all phone calls, save receipts, write down notes on conversations, including any promises the other party is making, keep all bank statements and copies of checks, take pictures of your community property-furniture, cars, jewelry, everything; make copies of car registrations, insurance papers; in short, remeember that most likely there will be some serious disagreements coming up and if you can document your side you can win.
Don't get caught up in the "she said, he said" thing. THe judges have no patience. They want proof. So keep records on EVERYTHING! I cannot stress this enough.
| calfree |
| (New) |
| 04/24/08 10:23 PM |
| 72.207.124.73 |
|
Re: spousal support request after long separation
|
Another update: last hearing was continued; next one is June 4. So far have run up over 3 grand in lawyer bills, and nothing has been settled. The other side always replies late to everything, and then delays. Since they are asking that I pay for his lawyer's bills, we think they have trying to finanacially pressure me into a quick settlement.
I won't do this, of course, since he is asking for support. It has now been nearly 8 years since we separated. My lawyer cannot believe this case, which involves no children and no house, is taking so long. My stbx is only trying to "punish" me for leaving him, and he wants one last shot at control. I told my lawyer this is how he is months ago, and I don't think she believed me. Now she does.
We have offered a settlement proposal, but have heard nothing. We probably will not. In the meantime I am still collecting his financial records with subpoena's to his bank. So far I have been able to show he makes much more than what he claims. I think he is furious I was able to dig uo so much information on him. This kills his support claim, but he still wants to make things difficult.
I will update as things happen.
| allthumbs |
| (Platinum) |
| 04/27/08 05:47 PM |
| 76.21.84.87 |
|
Re: spousal support request after long separation
|
This will eventually end in a settlement. This is how it works. The attorneys will delay and keep telling their clients how bad of a deal they're getting from the other spouse. They'll file motion after motion, all the while the clock is clicking and the meter is running. Both attorneys will blame the other attorney of not negotiating in good faith and causing delays. Eventually, you'll have a settlement hearing. The judge will meet in chambers with the attorneys only ( off the record of course ) and tell them to get this sucker settled, there will be NO TRIAL. They'll hash out some sticking points and get an idea on how the court would rule in a trial. This is to avoid a trial and get the parties to settle. In the end, only the attorneys win. Both parties usually end up broke and in debt for exhausting all their funds to pay for legal costs.
| calfree |
| (New) |
| 06/04/08 03:51 PM |
| 72.207.124.73 |
|
Re: spousal support request after long separation
|
Just another update: my attorney offered a settlement to the other side, along with more discovery requests. There was no response to the settlement offer, and no production of the records I have been seeking for several months now. The other side seems to have a strategy of just ignoring things. However, I have subpoened his bank records and those are coming in. The records show his income is far above what he gets for disability, so he is obviously working under the table and not reporting his income.
Once again, because of the other side's failure to respond to anything, I had to get another continuance to late July. This is ridiculous, I know, but I have no choice. Once I have all the records he refuses to produce on his own, then I'll be ready to nail him in court. I'll keep updating as things happen.
| movingon2 |
| (Platinum) |
| 06/14/08 05:08 PM |
| 72.218.33.84 |
|
Re: spousal support request after long separation
|
Calfree,
I've been reading your posts this afternoon. Thanks for sharing your experience and please continue with the updates.
| calfree |
| (New) |
| 06/14/08 08:24 PM |
| 72.207.124.73 |
|
Re: spousal support request after long separation
|
Thanks. I had no idea this process could take so long. I fear my ex is pursueing a "scorched earth" policy. He doesn't seem to mind running up the lawyer bills and delaying everything as long it hurts me. Can you imagine this? We have no kids, no house, and this thing is far from being settled. He seems to have latched onto an idea that now that he is "disabled" I should support him the rest of his life. Even though this "disablement" occurred three years after our separation and had nothing to do with our separation. My most important piece of advice is this: if you separate-make it a legal separation!!!! And keep records of everything!!!
THere is much more happening now, but I will wait until the next hearing to share.
| allthumbs |
| (Platinum) |
| 06/16/08 06:31 PM |
| 76.21.84.87 |
|
Re: spousal support request after long separation
|
In CA, you were "legally separated" the moment one of you moved out. Furthermore, since you were married for 15 yrs, in CA, you have a marriage of long duration and the courts typically allow spousal support for at least half the length of the marriage. But to order permanent support, the court needs to consider all the factors in CA. Family Code 4320. If you ex is disabled, then he does have the "right" to pursue spousal support. And BTW, it would not matter when he became disabled, nor when you separated or divorced. That is not a factor in 4320. Your attorney should be giving correct advice. If I were you, I would subpoena ALL his bank statements, insurance policies, wage statements, etc. ALL financial records. He is REQUIRED BY LAW to supply them. Then you will have a better picture of his finances and if he is telling the truth. IT IS ILLEGAL in family court to hide income or falsify financial info and doing so can result in sanctions and fines, and more. He needs to be threatened with these FACTS. Also, you can request the court order your ex to be examined by your own medical expert to determine if he is disabled to the point he cannot work at all (do any kind of work). They will probably comply with this and order it. You will need to decide how much you want to pay to fight it or reach an agreement for temporary support to end at a specified time. In the end, it IS all about money. So you'll need to decide whom to give it to; your attorney or your ex.
| calfree |
| (New) |
| 06/17/08 10:34 AM |
| 72.207.124.73 |
|
Re: spousal support request after long separation
|
The problem I face right now is that the ex claims to keep no records. He files no tax returns, and keeps no tally of any income received from other sources other than his disability. I have had my attorney send 5 letters in the last 6 months, including interrogatories, etc, and his responses were next to nothing. He hasn't even filed a income and expense statement yet. He runs on a "cash" basis, underground, so to speak, and it is very diffilcult to gauge his true income. Of course, he hides everything. However, we did subpoena bank records and found some interesting stuff. Hopefully, the judge will see that he is hiding his true income. But we'll see. Based on what you said about legal separation, my new advice is this: if you decide to leave, then go ahead and file right away for divorce. I was always trying to play peacemaker, like a lot of women, and in the end it does no good. I waited too long, and his situation changed, from making much more than me each year, to making less, and now I have to fight this support issue. No matter what anyone says, I will go to my grave believing that it is manifestly unfair to be liable for support for something that happened years after we separated. THe fact that he got into a accident years after we separated is no fault of mine. When I left him, he was making 20,000 more a year than me, and never paid a dime to me to help. Knowing what I know now, I would have filed for divorce the day I left.
| calfree |
| (New) |
| 08/04/08 12:34 PM |
| 72.207.124.73 |
|
Re: spousal support request after long separation
|
Just an update. The ex seems to have gone underground. Even his own lawyer admits he doesn't know what's going on. The hearing was postphoned again to DEcember (!), and we are all waiting for any sort of response. My lawyer has sent out several letters to the other side with no response. Looks like we are stalled, and we may have to appoint a special litigator to force things along.
| gigi |
| (Platinum) |
| 08/04/08 04:52 PM |
| 68.110.66.68 |
|
Re: spousal support request after long separation
|
I'm not familiar with Ca law, but I'd think it would be easier now that he's disappeared. You proceed as if it's a default decree, leaving everything at status quo, which is how you wanted it, right? I mean, if he wanted or needed ongoing support, he'd be there and open about showing his records and tax returns. If he's not around, it means he doesn't much need your support.
Let me make a guess at what happened that made the extreme litigation happen a few months ago... he shows up at a lawyer's office, gives half the story, hears that he may be able to get support from you and gives authorization to go after you with everything they can muster up... The laweyr gears up the war machine and goes at it. The more they find out, the worse it looks for their client. They yell at him for not telling them everything that was relevant to the situation, and tell him that he's not as likely to get anything unless he starts showing proof of what he has been claiming to them... They tell him to get moving on fixing his tax situation asap so they'll have something to show your lawyer to prove he's on the up & up... and in the meantime he'd better start paying for some of the excessive litigation that he got the ball rolling on. He disappears and their bill goes unpaid.
What to do in this situation? Drag them into court on intermediate hearings ... like motions to compel him giving up his IRS documents and bank records to prove how he's been financing his lifestyle in the past 3 years... and when he fails to appear, ask the judge for a judgment in default in your favor since he's not pursuing the case... which there's probably a procedure in Ca civil law that allows lawsuits to be dismissed or judged in the petitioner's favor based upon the other side not showing up, and all you have to do is follow that procedure. something like providing notice and giving him time to show up and contest it...
Ask your lawyer, there's probably a way to get this to happen.
| calfree |
| (New) |
| 08/05/08 01:25 PM |
| 72.207.124.73 |
|
Re: spousal support request after long separation
|
Wow. I think you hit it on the head. My lawyer has gone ahead with something called bifuracation, which, as she explained it, allows for the divorce to go through without these other issues like property to be settled. My lawyer had a talk with the other side and presented them with some of the financials we have gathered up and I think you are right. They cannot win. The only thing left is to divide the community property, which he has hidden away in storage and won't allow me access. The CP is worth over 70K (expensive collections of various collectables), and I suppose he'll leave the state with it now. My ex only wants to hurt me. He cannot forgive or forget that I left him, even though it has been 7 years. He carries a lot of hate around with him. Hopefully, this special master litagator can get through this BS and present his findings to the judge so he can make a final determination.
| gigi |
| (Platinum) |
| 08/05/08 02:01 PM |
| 68.110.66.68 |
|
Re: spousal support request after long separation
|
Do you know WHERE the storage unit is? As the current wife of a person who owns a storage unit, I'd bet they have to tell you whether or not there's a unit in his name. I'd call several close to his most recent home. If it's that valuable, he'd keep it in storage rather than dragging ti around with him if he's the unreliable type who has to keep moving.
But basically, unless you cna find it, you'll probably never get it back.
| calfree |
| (New) |
| 08/06/08 10:34 AM |
| 72.207.124.73 |
|
Re: spousal support request after long separation
|
Actually, I did a bit of sleuthing and found out where the unit is three months ago. My lawyer has sent over six letters to the other side demanding access so I can inventory and inspect the contents, but they just ignore everything and have not responded. We subpoened the storage records, etc.. But so far so my ex refuses to allow me access to the unit. He is probably emptying out the contents as I write this. I have a feeling once the judge sees all the evidence in this case it will go very badly for my ex. He is not being open and honest about his financials or the community property, and we can prove it. People keep telling me to do this and do that, but there is nothing I can do until a judge orders it, and a judge will not see this case until some effort is made between the parties to "work it out." The problem is that the ex is doing everything he can to delay and obstruct, and he seems to be able to do this with impunity. The only good thing is that his own lawyer seems to be growing tired of this also.
| gigi |
| (Platinum) |
| 08/06/08 12:17 PM |
| 68.110.66.68 |
|
Re: spousal support request after long separation
|
OK, I'm thinking there may be a way to get the judge to order the storage unit's facility to put another lock on the unit and maintain it in limbo till you get a court order to cut off his lock and find the stuff. You mgith want to get an emergency hearing on that since he's disappeared.
Some kind of injunction... a temporary injunction prohibiting access ... or heck, maybe there's a process for this.
I know if a storage unit owner dies, every state has a procedure for handling it... same as if it were a safe deposit box... like it gets totally locked so NO ONE can enter till a judge orders it.
There's got to be a way for you to get this to happen. Ask your lawyer. I'm surprised your lawyer didn't suggest this, to tell the truth. Maybe you didn't explain how worried you are about this? Or maybe they've never done it before... it's not something I'd think was very common!
| calfree |
| (New) |
| 08/07/08 11:22 AM |
| 72.207.124.73 |
|
Re: spousal support request after long separation
|
I appreciate the ideas. Believe me, my lawyer and I are looking at all possibilities. The problem is that everything moves at glacial speed. We have to give notice, then serve papers, then serve notice again, etc...My ex has also claimed in his declarations that I have the substantial part of the CP, which is a lie, but it puts me in the position of having to prove what I don't have! We are very close to creating a motion to compel and asking for sanctions, but even that process takes a long while. The other side (at least his lawyer) agreed to appoint a special master to examine the case. Then he'll make his recommendations to the court. So we'll see. But I appreciate your support! I will update as things happen.
| gigi |
| (Platinum) |
| 08/07/08 11:42 AM |
| 68.110.66.68 |
|
Re: spousal support request after long separation
|
Oh... hey... it just occurred to me... this past couple days we've been here worried about your property that's been msising for years... a lot but obviously you're getting by without it... and it seems like the possibility that he'll prevail on his spousal support demand has been all but abandoned! The IMPORTANT thing is practically a done deal! YIPPEE!!!
| calfree |
| (New) |
| 08/07/08 07:29 PM |
| 72.207.124.73 |
|
Re: spousal support request after long separation
|
Very true. My interest really on the CP is to just recover enough possibly to sell and pay off the lawyer. This whole thing is probably going to cost over 12K. I can't tell you how relieved I'll be to get rid of the ex. This should have been a simple divorce-no kids, no house, etc.. But he turned it into a three ring circus. What a nightmare...
But thanks for your encouragement. Believe me, it helps!
| calfree |
| (New) |
| 10/30/08 11:03 AM |
| 72.207.117.2 |
|
Re: spousal support request after long separation
|
Just another update:
My lawyer finally got the bifurcation done. I have been asking for it since July, now it is done, and I am legally free. The remaining settlement issues have yet to be decided, but an arbitrator has been selected. I have paid my share of the costs and provided all the paperwork, but the other side is yet again dragging their feet. However, it is only a matter of time before the delay in arbitrating (probably not the right word) is brought before the judge. Then I suppose he'll force things along. I just have to be patient. But it feels good to be finally free of the ex. What a gigantic pain in the ass he has been!