| tiredofnagging |
| (Gold) |
| 05/10/08 12:07 AM |
| 68.108.57.232 |
Just starting out....
|
OK, I'm married almost 15 years, 1 child (age 8, a daughter whom I adore!). I no longer love my wife; she has been browbeating me for years and I'm just plain frigin tired of it. Aside from the monetary and property issues, I happen to want my daughter. She is adopted and my family paid all the costs, however regardless, I love her and I want to raise her even if by myself. Do judges rule for the mother in most cases other than demonstrated abuse by the mother?
Just one question out of many I'm sure they'll be.....
| Jada |
| (Platinum) |
| 05/10/08 07:28 AM |
| 69.115.64.195 |
|
Re: Just starting out....
|
[quote]OK, I'm married almost 15 years, 1 child (age 8, a daughter whom I adore!). I no longer love my wife; she has been browbeating me for years and I'm just plain frigin tired of it. Aside from the monetary and property issues, I happen to want my daughter. She is adopted and my family paid all the costs, however regardless, I love her and I want to raise her even if by myself. Do judges rule for the mother in most cases other than demonstrated abuse by the mother?
Just one question out of many I'm sure they'll be..... [/quote]
If both of you want primary custody, then there is going to be a costly court battle. You are better off coming to an agreement with your wife, because you aren't going to get full custody unless you can prove that the mother is unfit. Just like she won't get full custody unless she can prove you unfit.
It would help if we know what state. Most states have joint legal custody, only 5 have a presumption of joint physical custody.
It doesn't matter who paid the costs of the adoption. You are the father and your wife is the mother, period.
| tiredofnagging |
| (Gold) |
| 05/10/08 11:24 AM |
| 68.108.57.232 |
|
Re: Just starting out....
|
That may be the good news, I live in Nevada. So when it's time, the whole thing should go down quickly.
I hear you about my daughter and that's what I figured.......so if I want to be a single Dad I've got to prove that my wife is unfit. That may be a task except she's threatened to leave "both of us" recently. Maybe the thing to do is get things like that on tape.
| tookway2much |
| (Platinum) |
| 05/12/08 07:34 AM |
| 71.182.21.179 |
|
Re: Just starting out....
|
Honey, be careful. Since you are the one wanting out, wife could become agitated and attempt to use your daughter to hurt you. My s2bx and I also adopted a daughter. I love her more than my own life. My s2bx does things to hurt her because at times he can't get to me.
Get you a good layer, a very good one. And be prepared for the fight of your life,
| tiredofnagging |
| (Gold) |
| 05/13/08 04:22 PM |
| 68.108.57.232 |
|
Re: Just starting out....
|
[quote]Honey, be careful. Since you are the one wanting out, wife could become agitated and attempt to use your daughter to hurt you. My s2bx and I also adopted a daughter. I love her more than my own life. My s2bx does things to hurt her because at times he can't get to me.
Get you a good layer, a very good one. And be prepared for the fight of your life, [/quote]
TY for your reply. I don't believe she would do that; she is a good person. Fact is, I do not love her anymore and I believe the feeling is mutual. Guess we keep going out of habit or maybe comfort level. Maybe for our daughter.
Secondly and FWIW, there has never been infidelity on my part and I would bet on hers either. Just "irreconcileable differences I guess. I do find myself fantasizing of life without her and I gotta admit, it sounds good. I suppose counseling may be in order but I don't see my feelings changing so why waste the time and money. There is no attraction anymore.
So I am in a major bind. Now I realize why they call it the "Institute of Marriage". Send me to the nearest institute.
| taryn |
| (Platinum) |
| 05/13/08 04:43 PM |
| 75.185.132.243 |
|
Re: Just starting out....
|
[quote] Aside from the monetary and property issues, I happen to want my daughter. She is adopted and my family paid all the costs, however regardless, I love her and I want to raise her even if by myself. [/quote]
okay.
dont EVER let your little girl hear this line of reasoning.
she will feel bought and paid for.
and revamp your thought process in that arena!
that is NOT healthy for anyone!
try this line of thinking: if im getting a divorce my medical insurance company should have primary custody because they paid for most of the birth.
doesnt even make sense! See?
whatever means a child is brought into a family is how that child is brought into the family. and from there on it's in the past.
as for the rest....good luck.
is there ANY chance of saving this marriage?
irreconcialbe differences arent really worth the hell you, your wife, or you little girl will go through as a result of the divorce.
| Jada |
| (Platinum) |
| 05/13/08 09:24 PM |
| 69.115.64.195 |
|
Re: Just starting out....
|
[quote]That may be the good news, I live in Nevada. So when it's time, the whole thing should go down quickly.
I hear you about my daughter and that's what I figured.......so if I want to be a single Dad I've got to prove that my wife is unfit. That may be a task except she's threatened to leave "both of us" recently. Maybe the thing to do is get things like that on tape. [/quote]
I threatened to leave everybody when I was still married. Usually when the kids were really acting up. I didn't mean it.
Unless she actually abandons her child, you aren't going to be raising the child by yourself. And if your wife is the primary caregiver, her chances of being the custodial parent is good.
Nothing you have posted proves the mother unfit.
| juliacinaz |
| (Platinum) |
| 05/15/08 09:17 PM |
| 68.2.56.129 |
|
Re: Just starting out....
|
Nothing you have posted proves the mother unfit. [/quote]
However I feel most of what you posted did not make you appear as a good person or parent. So basically you are done with your wife now but you still want the sweet child you bought? Unreal...I hope she gets custody. Maybe a long hard look in the mirror is in order? Just my opinion of course. I found the entire thread offensive. Have you any idea how emotionally and financially devastating divorce is on both parties? How emotionally difficult it is on children? Dang! Now I want to brow beat you too!
| Jada |
| (Platinum) |
| 05/15/08 09:47 PM |
| 69.115.64.195 |
|
Re: Just starting out....
|
[quote
I threatened to leave everybody when I was still married. Usually when the kids were really acting up. I didn't mean it. [/quote]
Clarification, the above was never said to the kids. Just to ex after the kids went to bed. And he knew I wasn't serious about it.
| EZmark |
| (Platinum) |
| 05/15/08 11:39 PM |
| 76.110.222.166 |
|
Re: Just starting out....
|
+1! "Get you a good layer, a very good one. And be prepared for the fight of your life"
I would add start making financial preps-discuss with lawyer.
She's abusive and you want to get away from her and be fair right? Soon she'll get abusive to the kid too, then you'll have to do something. She doesn't sound like a good person, you better start making preps yesterday or bad momma gonna get long term alimony, assets and the kid w/15 yrs. + leave you with nuttin. You got a lot of money to fight? Settle fast if no or you gonna have financial ruin long after expensive fight, maybe run out of $ near the end and fold. Prepare to be "softened up" with all sorts of actics making you think "it's best for the kid".
Forget about proving mamma abusive, judge doesn't care. You need to prove your own worth, the best you can hope for is 50% and that is unlikely. Don't mix money in with the kids in any way, not in the same thought or paragraph. She can do that but you can't! Be very careful, have a witness around. Good luck, first line has best advice. Ask him his plan to win in an interview and interview several. martindale.com
| mistake#2 |
| (Platinum) |
| 05/15/08 11:49 PM |
| 24.94.123.111 |
|
Re: Just starting out....
|
[quote]
She's abusive and you want to get away from her and be fair right? Soon she'll get abusive to the kid too, then you'll have to do something. [/quote]
He said browbeating, not abusive...do you need a dictionary or are you purposely trying to twist the words to give wrong ideas?
Browbeating - to intimidate with looks or words; bully.
To depress or bear down with haughty, stern looks, or with arrogant speech and dogmatic assertions; to abash or disconcert by impudent words or looks.
Let that be your lesson of the day, EZ.
| EZmark |
| (Platinum) |
| 05/16/08 01:15 AM |
| 76.110.222.166 |
|
Re: Just starting out....
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So "Browbeating" by that definition is in the dictionary. It is also another way to describe verbally abusive, which I suspect tired of nagging is on the receiving end of. Justice is in the dictionary too, and not found in family court as defined there.
Tired needs prep for a rough road ahead. I find making excuses over fine points of definitions and having the dictionary being read to me a form of nagging, and quite a turn off. Ooops, wrong thread. Good night
| tiredofnagging |
| (Gold) |
| 05/16/08 11:14 PM |
| 68.108.57.232 |
|
Re: Just starting out....
|
[quote]
Nothing you have posted proves the mother unfit. [/quote]
However I feel most of what you posted did not make you appear as a good person or parent. So basically you are done with your wife now but you still want the sweet child you bought? Unreal...I hope she gets custody. Maybe a long hard look in the mirror is in order? Just my opinion of course. I found the entire thread offensive. Have you any idea how emotionally and financially devastating divorce is on both parties? How emotionally difficult it is on children? Dang! Now I want to brow beat you too! [/quote]
Lady ( and I assume you are...) your crude comments regarding my daughter are completely and grossly innappropriate.
You know nothing other than you got hosed somewhere along the way. Someone sure did a number on your head or maybe it was the other way around. Too bad, so sad.
Dang, there always seems to be a creature like you somewhere every day.....
| juliacinaz |
| (Platinum) |
| 05/18/08 09:15 AM |
| 68.2.56.129 |
Re: Just starting out....
|
[quote][quote]
Nothing you have posted proves the mother unfit. [/quote]
However I feel most of what you posted did not make you appear as a good person or parent. So basically you are done with your wife now but you still want the sweet child you bought? Unreal...I hope she gets custody. Maybe a long hard look in the mirror is in order? Just my opinion of course. I found the entire thread offensive. Have you any idea how emotionally and financially devastating divorce is on both parties? How emotionally difficult it is on children? Dang! Now I want to brow beat you too! [/quote]
Lady ( and I assume you are...) your crude comments regarding my daughter are completely and grossly innappropriate.
You know nothing other than you got hosed somewhere along the way. Someone sure did a number on your head or maybe it was the other way around. Too bad, so sad.
Dang, there always seems to be a creature like you somewhere every day..... [/quote]
I am innapropriate? HA! Read what you wrote man!
You are totally unaware of my situation and of who or what I am. Read what you posted. You stated more than once how you just want your daughter and you will LIE to get her by saying your wife is unfit. I am not a creature and neither is your STBX. I am trying to get you to look at yourself and realize what your intending to do has very serious consequences. Not just for your stbx but for your daughter. My daughter knows what her father said about me and knows it is a lie and has to face her lying father. Think about your child's opinion of you for trying to take a loving parent away for no good reason except your own selfishness. Is this what is best for the child? My wife nags me so I will lie and say she is unfit? That way you don't have to deal with her? Is this your mindset? I am here to tell you that is not going to work. You will alienate your stbx, cause mountains of legal fees and your child will lose respect for you in the process. Is that what you want?
| Jada |
| (Platinum) |
| 05/18/08 09:23 AM |
| 69.115.64.195 |
|
Re: Just starting out....
|
[quote]
Lady ( and I assume you are...) your crude comments regarding my daughter are completely and grossly innappropriate. [/quote]
Crude comments? Uh, she didn't make any crude comments about an innocent child.
She just told you what she thought of your crude actions.
Learn the difference.
| juliacinaz |
| (Platinum) |
| 05/18/08 09:34 AM |
| 68.2.56.129 |
|
Re: Just starting out....
|
[quote][quote]
Lady ( and I assume you are...) your crude comments regarding my daughter are completely and grossly innappropriate. [/quote]
Crude comments? Uh, she didn't make any crude comments about an innocent child.
She just told you what she thought of your crude actions.
Learn the difference. [/quote]
Yeah...What he is planning is what is grossly innapropriate. Such a pity. Thanks Jada.
| tiredofnagging |
| (Gold) |
| 05/18/08 12:05 PM |
| 68.108.57.232 |
|
Re: Just starting out....
|
Crude comments? Uh, she didn't make any crude comments about an innocent child.
Uh actually she did when referring to a child that was bought. Heard that too many times from people who know nothing about adoption. Also, I guess too you don't understand about being non-judgemental to people who are looking for advice or simply venting.
What seems clear form your posts is that you seem to hate all men. For whatever reason. I could say that's because you were sh!tty wives and got what you deserved. But I won't stoop to your level, which ranks about as high as amphibious turtle sh!t.
Besides, how do you know if my wife is fit or unfit. Answer is you don't have a frigin idea. You just assume that it's all me. Must be that men sh!t. Perhaps you should consider an alternative lifestyle.
| juliacinaz |
| (Platinum) |
| 05/18/08 12:13 PM |
| 68.2.56.129 |
|
Re: Just starting out....
|
[quote]Crude comments? Uh, she didn't make any crude comments about an innocent child.
Uh actually she did when referring to a child that was bought. Heard that too many times from people who know nothing about adoption. Also, I guess too you don't understand about being non-judgemental to people who are looking for advice or simply venting.
What seems clear form your posts is that you seem to hate all men. For whatever reason. I could say that's because you were shitty wives and got what you deserved. But I won't stoop to your level, which ranks about as high as amphibious turtle shit. [/quote]
Actually I just dislike people who act like you are acting. I know plenty about adoption..point is you where the one who said you deserved custody because you paid for the child. Name calling just shows your true colors. I am done...you will receive no more replies from me. Go ahead and bash away. Whatever makes you feel better about your poor choices.
| tiredofnagging |
| (Gold) |
| 05/18/08 12:16 PM |
| 68.108.57.232 |
|
Re: Just starting out....
|
I know plenty about adoption..point is you where the one who said you deserved custody because you paid for the child.
If you knew even the first thing about LEGAL adoptions, you would never infer that a child was bought. Secondly, if you actually read a previous post I happen to adore my daughter. The issue of MONEY seems to rear its ugly head in just about every divorce discussion.
DOES IT NOT????
| Jada |
| (Platinum) |
| 05/18/08 12:39 PM |
| 69.115.64.195 |
|
Re: Just starting out....
|
YOu said:
Uh actually she did when referring to a child that was bought. Heard that too many times from people who know nothing about adoption.
My response:
I know quite a bit about adoption as I have two family members that are adopted. That leap must have hurt.
You said:
Also, I guess too you don't understand about being non-judgemental to people who are looking for advice or simply venting.
My response:
You are looking to take a child away from someone who you have said is a good person. Simply because you want to raise her by yourself.
You said:
What seems clear form your posts is that you seem to hate all men.
My response:
What seems clear is that you are confusing not agreeing with you and not supporting you blindly in your efforts to raise your child by yourself with hating men.
That leap really must have hurt.
You said:
For whatever reason. I could say that's because you were sh!tty wives and got what you deserved.
My response:
One could say the same to you. Your point?
You said:
But I won't stoop to your level, which ranks about as high as amphibious turtle sh!t.
My response:
Thanks for the laugh. Hello pot, meet kettle.
You said:
Besides, how do you know if my wife is fit or unfit.
My response:
Your posts. You yourself have said that your wife is a good person, here is a direct quote from you:
"TY for your reply. I don't believe she would do that; she is a good person. Fact is, I do not love her anymore and I believe the feeling is mutual. Guess we keep going out of habit or maybe comfort level. Maybe for our daughter."
You said:
Answer is you don't have a frigin idea. You just assume that it's all me.
My response:
Well, your posts do indicate that you think it's all about you. Nowhere have you stated that the mother is unfit. You have, in fact, stated that she is a good person.
One can only go by your posts.
You said:
Must be that men sh!t.
My response:
No, it must be that reading your posts sh*t.
You said:
Thanks for the suggestion, but I'll pass. I like men too much to consider an alternate lifestyle.
| tiredofnagging |
| (Gold) |
| 05/18/08 10:40 PM |
| 68.108.57.232 |
|
Re: Just starting out....
|
YADA YADA YADA
It must be nice to have that much time to dissect my post. You are a classic. But you just can't seem to put this away, can ya?????
| tiredofnagging |
| (Gold) |
| 05/19/08 01:40 AM |
| 68.108.57.232 |
|
Re: Just starting out....
|
I know quite a bit about adoption as I have two family members that are adopted. That leap must have hurt.
Are they your children? Because if they're not you're speaking third party. So realistically you don't know sh!t. Only adoptive parents truly know what the experience is truly like. So again you cackle your way to where your nose don't belong.
It's better to keep your mouth shut and have people think you're a fool than to speak and remove all doubt.
| Jada |
| (Platinum) |
| 05/19/08 06:22 AM |
| 69.115.64.195 |
|
Re: Just starting out....
|
[quote]
It's better to keep your mouth shut and have people think you're a fool than to speak and remove all doubt. [/quote]
So, when are you going to start taking your own advice?
| tiredofnagging |
| (Gold) |
| 05/19/08 02:59 PM |
| 68.108.57.232 |
|
Re: Just starting out....
|
What are you, the house conscience?
GET A LIFE. GO AWAY. BACK INTO YOUR CAVE. GO TORTURE A MAN.
| mrpat |
| (Platinum) |
| 05/19/08 03:08 PM |
| 68.41.4.141 |
|
Re: Just starting out....
|
I know I might have said I'm not going to sit in judgment anymore..............But come on man. You stated that you wanted to make the wife look unfit and you made the implied comment about the money spent for adoption. You do have a opportunity to have your daughter 50% of the time. Just don't let her see you acting like such a dik, or she might not want to see you when she's older.
| tiredofnagging |
| (Gold) |
| 05/19/08 03:22 PM |
| 68.108.57.232 |
|
Re: Just starting out....
|
How about nobody sitting in judgement.......we're all here over issues. Nobody is better than anyone else, even the cacklers.
| cubsfan |
| (New) |
| 05/19/08 08:22 PM |
| 12.167.161.2 |
|
Re: Just starting out....
|
Dude, if you even want a chance of getting some constructive advice on this site, learn to seperate the wheat from the chaff.
While I certainly don't agree with what everyone on this site says, I have also gotten some really good advice because I don't make each disagreement a pissing match. My Granddad used to tell me that the only thing that happened in a pissing match is that you got your pant legs wet.
Don't go down that road man. There are a lot of good people on here that are willing to share their experience, strength and hope. But if you're willing to engage in a pissing contest with each person that gives a dissenting opinion, people won't even bother to respond.
I hope you find what you are looking for in the divorce process. If Mom is a bad mother, present the evidence as a truthful fact. Don't make stuff up, it will come back to haunt you some day with your daughter.
My SO's ex has told his daughter all kinds of bad things about the SO & I. As she has gotten a little older and seen with her own eyes what is really going on, she is beginning to question the veracity of what her Daddy is telling her, and losing respect for him each time he does.
And remember, whether she is a bad Mom or not, she is still MOM and always will be.
| tiredofnagging |
| (Gold) |
| 05/19/08 09:46 PM |
| 68.108.57.232 |
|
Re: Just starting out....
|
Ironically I'm not making up stuff. She shrieks at our daughter all the time. She has now admitted she has anger mgmt problems. I told her if she doesn't get help (professional, meds, etc...) I will divorce her and if she continues to browbeat the both of us, I will attempt to take her.
Memo to the critics.....What do I tell her when she asks me why mommy always yells at her????
Constructive and reponsive, non judgemental conversation is good, accusations are not. A pissing war I don't want, however I back down from no one.
| tiredofnagging |
| (Gold) |
| 05/22/08 11:07 PM |
| 68.108.57.232 |
|
Re: Just starting out....
|
Didn't think the "experts" would have anything constructive to say, can't say I'm not surprised....
Problem is, it seems to be the husbands fault ad nauseum, that the female is capable of doing wrong. So sad. Well, I'm married to the b!tch on wheels and her specialty is accusing me of not taking care of things while I'm unable to work. (I have a ruptured disc from an auto accident and in constant pain, I usually wake up with no feeling in my hand)
Sadly a conversation that will never take place:
Wife: "How was your day? Does your neck hurt today? Is there anything I can do to help?"
Me: "Thank you for asking. I could sure use a neckrub"
I always ask her how her day was and I listen to her answer. She is an angry woman who can't deal with the imperfections of life. I'm doing the best I can to run the house, pay bills, shop, laundry, take our daughter to and from school, and keep the house clean. AND look for work I CAN DO. But nothing seems to be enough. Criticism is expected and punctual.
That is what I like to refer to as browbeating. And she does shriek at our daughter. Again so much that she asks me why.......
I know I'm gonna blow one day soon.
| EZmark |
| (Platinum) |
| 05/23/08 09:16 AM |
| 64.178.162.154 |
|
Re: Just starting out....Focus on ending
|
Get medical docs in order. do not work, make 0$. get atty. advice. You are in a position to file and make hersupports you. Of course she will be a complete deadbeat as the MAJORITY of women ordered to pay support are, but you will not have to support her lazy butt and if you recover can have your kid and your income. Include her "browbeating" and failure to care for you as arguements for special share in any equity in lieu of alimony. Get her an employment eval and extrapolat her potential until she's 67 to see how much she owes you if ordered to become her slave, offer to setttle for 10% off. If you can stay home and care for the kids but not work that's even better, you'll get CS & the kid. With an MRI and that injury could be just what the doctor ordered. Now is the time to wallow, you can get better later.
| taryn |
| (Platinum) |
| 05/23/08 10:55 AM |
| 75.185.131.248 |
|
Re: Just starting out....
|
[quote]Crude comments? Uh, she didn't make any crude comments about an innocent child.
Uh actually she did when referring to a child that was bought. Heard that too many times from people who know nothing about adoption. [/quote]
the 'bought' comment was actually started by YOU when you stated you child was adopted and your family paid for most/all of the fees!
YOU brought that $$ aspect into it.
quite possibly you didnt mean to, but you mentioned custody right after or before you mentioned who paid for the adoption. making it SOUND as if you should have custody because of who PAID for the adoption.
That's how im thinking the 'bought' comment came into this.
had you simply stated you had a daughter whom you love and you feel you should have full custody, it would not have been an issue.
and it shouldnt.
a son or daughter is just that regardless of how they become your child.
| KGrow |
| (Platinum) |
| 05/23/08 11:10 AM |
| 24.8.144.220 |
|
Re: Just starting out....
|
"Do judges rule for the mother in most cases other than demonstrated abuse by the mother?"
Joint custody is the norm these days. A father shooting for sole custody is typically seen as vengeful. It can backfire on you in that the court gives some credit in a battle for primary custodian to the most cooperative parent.
Your best strategy is to get a good lawyer, file first, remain in the marital home, care for your daughter and exercise as much patience with the situation as you can muster.
| tiredofnagging |
| (Gold) |
| 05/23/08 11:28 AM |
| 68.108.57.232 |
|
Re: Just starting out....Focus on ending
|
[quote]Get medical docs in order. do not work, make 0$. get atty. advice. You are in a position to file and make hersupports you. Of course she will be a complete deadbeat as the MAJORITY of women ordered to pay support are, but you will not have to support her lazy butt and if you recover can have your kid and your income. Include her "browbeating" and failure to care for you as arguements for special share in any equity in lieu of alimony. Get her an employment eval and extrapolat her potential until she's 67 to see how much she owes you if ordered to become her slave, offer to setttle for 10% off. If you can stay home and care for the kids but not work that's even better, you'll get CS & the kid. With an MRI and that injury could be just what the doctor ordered. Now is the time to wallow, you can get better later. [/quote]
Believe me, when it's time I will have the evidence. She may end up with custody but I will have my dignity back. And that might be good enough......or not.
What a lot (not all) women seem to think that its always the husbands fault. Like the infidelity....Oops, I didn't mean to kiss that co-worker "friend" of mine or spend the night "out".
Sidenote, on some obscure cable channel there's a show called "The Cheaters". A must watch for equal perspective.
Thanks for your input and support.
| ttina |
| (Platinum) |
| 05/23/08 12:20 PM |
| 64.12.117.143 |
|
Re: Just starting out....Focus on ending
|
My suggestion is to leave emotion especially anger out of the equation. If you go in with both barrels blazing you will be seen as unstable and selfish. Think before you speak, keep neutral especially in front of daughter. Also keep in mind that daughter still loves momma even if you don't.
| EZmark |
| (Platinum) |
| 05/23/08 01:06 PM |
| 64.178.162.154 |
|
Re: Just starting out....
|
"Joint custody is the norm these days."
K Just a Clarification, IMO everything you said is true and good advice.
Joint LEGAL custody is the norm. That means making major decisions both parties must agree. Often the CP only has to inform the NCP, and the NCP gets to offer advice ie: CP does whatever she wants.
Joint PHYSICAL custody with the mother as the primary CP is the norm at least 92% of the time, with Dad (NCP) getting "visitation" between an occasional supervised dinner up to liberal, which is every other weekend and on night during the week, 30-40% of the time. There is a presumption against rotating (ie:50%) shared custody in almost every state codified or by case law. Rotating only granted when the parties agree and then sometimes the judges refuse, never if the parties don't agree. This automatic removal of Dad from the childs life is supposedly in the child's best interest? Anyway it is a common tool used for ransom. You can usually buy more time with your child, if not now try again later.
and +1 starting, you better bury your (justified) anger. Ommmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
| stoltz |
| (Platinum) |
| 05/23/08 01:26 PM |
| 32.97.110.142 |
|
Re: Just starting out....
|
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However I feel most of what you posted did not make you appear as a good person or parent. So basically you are done with your wife now but you still want the sweet child you bought? Unreal...I hope she gets custody. Maybe a long hard look in the mirror is in order? Just my opinion of course. I found the entire thread offensive. Have you any idea how emotionally and financially devastating divorce is on both parties? How emotionally difficult it is on children? Dang! Now I want to brow beat you too!
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Wow. I didn't see anything of the sort in this person's post. As far as the "browbeating" goes, I can definitely relate. It's no coincidence nagging is the #1 thing men hate about their female partner.
| tiredofnagging |
| (Gold) |
| 05/23/08 02:45 PM |
| 68.108.57.232 |
|
Re: Just starting out....
|
YOU brought that $$ aspect into it.
quite possibly you didnt mean to, but you mentioned custody right after or before you mentioned who paid for the adoption. making it SOUND as if you should have custody because of who PAID for the adoption.
That's how im thinking the 'bought' comment came into this.
had you simply stated you had a daughter whom you love and you feel you should have full custody, it would not have been an issue.
and it shouldnt.
a son or daughter is just that regardless of how they become your child.
Memo to this particular adoption expert....the fact that I MENTIONED the adoption cost (there has to be one right?) was part of my anger. And let's not forget that anger is sometimes a part of divorce. Hence, there should be NO JUDGEMENT here (I've mentioned this before).
Question to you.....Ever been abused in any way, shape, or form? Have you ever been on the other side of the coin? Is it fair to say that you're here because you are either divorcing, divorced or been longtime divorced.
Get off your high horse, ladies
| tiredofnagging |
| (Gold) |
| 05/23/08 03:18 PM |
| 68.108.57.232 |
|
Re: Just starting out....
|
"and +1 starting, you better bury your (justified) anger." Ommmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
Wise words indeed. The minute they get to you, they've won.
| tiredofnagging |
| (Gold) |
| 05/23/08 04:32 PM |
| 68.108.57.232 |
|
Re: Just starting out....
|
"Wow. I didn't see anything of the sort in this person's post. As far as the "browbeating" goes, I can definitely relate. It's no coincidence nagging is the #1 thing men hate about their female partner."
Nothing beats a nagging wife, not even water torture. Somehow they have the ability to get under a mans skin and fester like a virus. And to be fair, men just get 'er done.
| taryn |
| (Platinum) |
| 05/24/08 12:42 AM |
| 75.185.131.248 |
|
Re: Just starting out....
|
[quote]
Memo to this particular adoption expert....the fact that I MENTIONED the adoption cost (there has to be one right?) was part of my anger. And let's not forget that anger is sometimes a part of divorce. Hence, there should be NO JUDGEMENT here (I've mentioned this before).
Question to you.....Ever been abused in any way, shape, or form? Have you ever been on the other side of the coin? Is it fair to say that you're here because you are either divorcing, divorced or been longtime divorced.
Get off your high horse, ladies [/quote]
1. many people on this board ARE adoption experts as many are adoptive parents.
most of the time they just dont mention the 'adoptive' part as, for most of them it is irrelevant.
For all you know, *I* AM an adoption expert.
Hell i could run an agency,
be an adoptive parent,
and been adopted myself.
2. i have suffered abuse.
3. yes. i have anger.
but not at you i dont know you so why would i bother caring enough to HAVE any anger?
and i did not find i aimed any anger at you.
however i can see that it could be interpreted that way.
4. oddly, at first i found you post to be merely information getting, with a few ways of communicating to be lacking. (such as mentioning who paid for the adoption int he same paragraph as the fact that you feel you should have full custody.)
i was thinking it was just one of those thought processes where thoughts all run together in one paragraph but that Most LIKELY you didnt mean anything negative by it.
however, (oh....now i AM on my high horse)
the more you post, well the more you are sounding
not so nice (on the low end)
OR
like a complete [censored] [censored] on the high end.
i do not find my responses to have been worthy of the responses you have given ME.
do not [censored] with people on this board when you are new and no NOTHING about their back ground.
the VERY things you are claiming others to know nothing about
are ACTUALLY situations many of us have intimate experience with and could relate to your senario and offer advise.
but, your are quite the little bridge burner on this thread.
id be curious what kind of communication expert you are in the real world.
file for divorce.
if youre this charming in your marriage,
you wife will only shed tears as she picks up the yardwork slack. otherwise you will be nothing but a distant memory.
i hope she find your thread here.
the court will love that opening paragraph as to why you should have custody of your 'adopted' daughter who your family 'paid' the cost of.
gotta love that qualification....this is my daughter, she's adopted...what the [censored]! i mean who CARES! about that aspect. she's your daughter and that's where that should end!
those qualifcations you posted
make you sound like a real bonded caring Daddy.
go with that.
step back, SIR.
you are getting out of line.
and dont bother correcting me
or whatever little nasty message you want to
respond with.
i will no longer respond to your posts.
by the way...have you met JBAR?
| KGrow |
| (Platinum) |
| 05/24/08 09:48 AM |
| 24.8.144.220 |
|
Re: Just starting out....
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"Joint PHYSICAL custody with the mother as the primary CP is the norm at least 92% of the time, with Dad (NCP) getting "visitation" between an occasional supervised dinner up to liberal, which is every other weekend and on night during the week, 30-40% of the time."
I was advised by my lawyer not to get wrapped around the axle about the "primary" designation. In my state at least, it has minimal legal significance. You can have minority of parenting time and still be the "primary custodian" or "primary residence". It doesn't change CS calculations. It doesn't affect the way you interact with schools or medical providers. If you can negotiate an acceptable parenting schedule with joint legal custody, stop fighting, sign the papers and get on with life.
| EZmark |
| (Platinum) |
| 05/24/08 11:22 AM |
| 76.110.222.166 |
|
Re: Just starting out....
|
"If you can negotiate an acceptable parenting schedule with joint legal custody, stop fighting, sign the papers and get on with life."
Oh I agree with you- who cares about a designation on paper, even though it does carry some legal consequences. I also agree with you if you can negotiate an acceptable parenting schedule why wouldn't you sign and move on? That assumes your dealing with a reasonable X, very often not the case with lazy, greedy or vengeful women. In my case she wanted everything and would not give an inch unless given no choice by court order. Anything not detailed in the order, and there is plenty, she interpets as she does what she wants.
My point is that your statement about joint custody being the norm, while true, does not mean that (sic:joint custody) rotating or even an acceptable parenting schedule is the norm. For those in litigation at least 92% of the time it results in "liberal" visitation (30%) or less. That "norm" is grossly unfair to good Dads and NOT in the childrens best interest.
I even think there comes a time to stop fighting for your kids, even with an abusive or alienating X. Eventually you run out of money and resources, time to spend in court from your job, and the constant vicarious pain of seeing the kids being damaged. Unless you're in that lucky 8% where the woman blew her case.
Get on with life, stay busy etc. all that's important and good, but every time I think about how the system put those kids where they don't want to be and where they are being damaged I feel bitterness and anger towards the X, the system, and people who rationalize and perpetuate the injustce of it all.
| Samsung |
| (Platinum) |
| 05/24/08 12:48 PM |
| 75.163.17.247 |
|
Re: Just starting out....
|
"I was advised by my lawyer not to get wrapped around the axle about the "primary" designation. In my state at least, it has minimal legal significance."
This obviously varies greatly from state to state. In mine, from a legal standpoint, 100% of the money goes in one direction. Beyond child support, medical insurance, CP's daycare and extras, even from the angle of any government assistance, only the primary parent qualifies, even when physical custody is shared 50/50. And, from a tax standpoint, the 50/50 NCP cannot get the earned income credit, working family credit, or credits for daycare paid or school supplies.
| tiredofnagging |
| (Gold) |
| 05/24/08 12:54 PM |
| 68.108.57.232 |
|
Re: Just starting out....
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" There's something that puzzles me here. How come someone named taryn is so critical and b!tchy and KGrow, EZmark and Samsung offer constructive advise?"
For those of you that have been helpful (and you know who you are, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. For those of you who are vindictive, I thank you to go away. Taryn has suggested she will. That would be nice.
AGAIN, like most here I have a serious life issue and AGAIN judgements are not useful.
GOT IT?
| tiredofnagging |
| (Gold) |
| 05/24/08 01:02 PM |
| 68.108.57.232 |
|
Re: Just starting out....
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Taryn, this is for you.....
Clearly you are angry and we happen to disagree. But instead of moving on, you seem to go out of your way to dissect my words and insert your criticism whenever possible.
I don't know you (and others) but you stick out like a cancre sore.
Get a life. Do whatever it is you do when you're not browbeating a poster. And your "sailor like" vocabulary ain't helping either. Makes you look out of control.
| Jada |
| (Platinum) |
| 05/24/08 03:37 PM |
| 69.115.64.195 |
|
Re: Just starting out....
|
[quote]Taryn, this is for you.....
Clearly you are angry and we happen to disagree. But instead of moving on, you seem to go out of your way to dissect my words and insert your criticism whenever possible.
I don't know you (and others) but you stick out like a cancre sore.
Get a life. Do whatever it is you do when you're not browbeating a poster. And your "sailor like" vocabulary ain't helping either. Makes you look out of control. [/quote]
And you wonder why not many people want to help you.
You come across as someone who will lie to get your way.
I wouldn't be surprised if the only reason you want custody is because you don't want to pay child support.
BTW, given your attitude here, I am not surprised that you are having problems in your marriage. I suggest you get therapy to deal with your issues.
| tiredofnagging |
| (Gold) |
| 05/24/08 07:21 PM |
| 68.108.57.232 |
|
Re: Just starting out....
|
Well, another do-gooder passing judgement. Do any of you bother to read my posts? I originally said that I adore my daughter. Which part don't you understand? Oh that's right, I mentioned $$$. So that's all your pea sized brain can comprehend. Very sad.
You come across as yet another bitter ex-wife who wonders why your marriage didn't work. Look in the dictionary under b!tch. Then look in the mirror. Same answer, yes?
You don't know me. So why don't you leave your lack of constructive advice at the door and if you can't be part of a solution don't be another problem. Good advice for an obviously bitter person. Maybe you'd still have a husband.
And lastly there are folks on this board who have offered very useful advice without being critical. Too bad you and some others can't seem to get past it.
| mrpat |
| (Platinum) |
| 05/24/08 07:40 PM |
| 68.40.174.9 |
|
Re: Just starting out....
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I get the feeling the "Browbeater" is more you than your wife. Your remarks lack both intelligence and taste.
You are a buffoon. You show it in your words and your very conscience.
| ttina |
| (Platinum) |
| 05/24/08 07:52 PM |
| 64.12.117.143 |
|
Re: Just starting out....
|
tired,
I am not going to condemn you for wanting to raise your daughter. There should be a tremendous bond between father and child.
What I am going to comment on is you appear to be very angry. Your first few posts said that the mother is a good woman, when you didn't get the responses you wanted she became a b!tch and she browbeat you and screamed at the child. This is the fuel that posters you don't agree with use to fuel their opinions. Your demeanor has deteriorated to name calling and acusing everyone who disagrees with you of pretty much being out to get men. This is not true in most cases. My husband has primary of his two. I think fathers should have the right of knowing thier children on more than a visitation level. I really do not like my ex, but I do not interfere with the relationship between ex and son. It is not in Son's best intrests. This is the line of thinking you need to take if you want to be taken seriously infront of a judge. I suggest you go to see a therapist to get your anger in check before you make any changes toward divorce. The process is long and hard.... if you blow up at annoyamous posters how are you going to react when some GAL or custody evaluator says something you don't agree with? If you loose control in that situation you can blow any chance at primary custody.
| Jada |
| (Platinum) |
| 05/24/08 08:03 PM |
| 69.115.64.195 |
|
Re: Just starting out....
|
I suggest you work on your bitterness. You and your child are the only ones who are going to be hurt by it.
| Jada |
| (Platinum) |
| 05/24/08 08:06 PM |
| 69.115.64.195 |
|
Re: Just starting out....
|
[quote]You come across as yet another bitter ex-wife who wonders why your marriage didn't work. Look in the dictionary under b!tch. Then look in the mirror. Same answer, yes?[/quote]
You just lost any argument you were attempting to make.
When one resorts to name calling, one really doesn't have anything to argue about.
| ATVILLAS |
| (Platinum) |
| 05/24/08 08:29 PM |
| 74.233.251.82 |
|
Re: Just starting out....
|
SO much for support on this forum!!! Nothin good to say! Then keep it shut!!
| Jada |
| (Platinum) |
| 05/24/08 08:51 PM |
| 69.115.64.195 |
|
Re: Just starting out....
|
[quote]SO much for support on this forum!!! Nothin good to say! Then keep it shut!! [/quote]
You know what, I wasn't the one calling names. Take it up with the person who was.
| ATVILLAS |
| (Platinum) |
| 05/24/08 08:54 PM |
| 74.233.251.82 |
|
Re: Just starting out....
|
My apologies, I broke my own rule!!
| tiredofnagging |
| (Gold) |
| 05/24/08 09:19 PM |
| 68.108.57.232 |
|
Re: Just starting out....
|
[quote]I suggest you work on your bitterness. You and your child are the only ones who are going to be hurt by it. [/quote]
Haven't you figured out by now that your advice is biased, and therefore meaningless to me? I guess I've provided a forum for miserable women to b!tch about man in general, me in particular.
And as far as anger, I am and mostly because of my situation, which a few of you don't seem to care about. Your constant yammering has simply exacerbated it.
Again, why not offer constructive advice. Again, that's why most people are here. Perhaps defending myself and my position is fruitless with a bunch of fruitcakes.
| tiredofnagging |
| (Gold) |
| 05/24/08 09:23 PM |
| 68.108.57.232 |
|
Re: Just starting out....
|
[quote][quote]I suggest you work on your bitterness. You and your child are the only ones who are going to be hurt by it. [/quote]
Haven't you figured out by now that your advice is biased, and therefore meaningless to me? I guess I've provided a forum for miserable women to b!tch about man in general, me in particular.
And as far as anger, I am and mostly because of my situation, which a few of you don't seem to care about. Your constant yammering has simply exacerbated it.
Again, why not offer constructive advice. Again, that's why most people are here. Perhaps defending myself and my position is fruitless with a bunch of fruitcakes.
EZMark and KGrow, thanks again. I will consider your valuable ADVICE.