| taryn |
| (Platinum) |
| 05/10/08 11:46 AM |
| 75.185.132.243 |
do you make it up to the kids?
|
when the other parent says they are going to take the kids to an event or activity,
and the kids are really looking forward to it,
and THEN the parent doesnt follow through do
YOU try to make it up to the kids?
im struggling here.
sometimes i just Cant!
some of what he says he'll do and then doesnt i cant afford.
so the kids are just disappointed.
but what about other events?
recently my kids were all excited that their dad was going to take them to this one event.
im thinking it's not going to happen
and ALL theyve talked about here is this event.
running to the car the one says 'dad! today we can go to (the event).'
dad says, 'umm. not today.'
biggest kid looks at me like "SEE!? i KNEW it".
the other one will hold on to hope for hte next few weeks.
i breaks my heart,
how much 'picking up the pieces' do you do?
i am taking them to a similar event in a few weeks,
but it will be REALLY hard for me to afford to do the one im planning and the one stbx isnt following through with.
what do you all do?
| Jada |
| (Platinum) |
| 05/10/08 12:33 PM |
| 69.115.64.195 |
|
Re: do you make it up to the kids?
|
Don't try to make up for what their father does. Go ahead and make your own plans and follow through with them.
You have no control over what your jerk of a stbx does. He is responsible for his relationship with his kids and keeping the promises that he makes. He is also responsible if he breaks those promises.
And one day, he will realize just what he threw away. Because one day, the kids will be able to choose not to see him. And there isn't a court in this country that will order an adult to visit their parent.
| ttina |
| (Platinum) |
| 05/10/08 12:50 PM |
| 205.188.117.143 |
|
Re: do you make it up to the kids?
|
And your if your ex knows that you will be the safety net for these promises, he'll keep making them. The older one already knows.... Keep your promises, follow through with your responsibilities.... this will "make up" for ex's irresponsibility. As sucky as it is when he does follow through and he is the "fun" parent. A child never stops wishing for this or that from a parent... they just learn when not to get thier hopes up.
| taryn |
| (Platinum) |
| 05/10/08 07:24 PM |
| 75.185.132.243 |
|
Re: do you make it up to the kids?
|
bless my kids hearts!
they arent even asking me to make it up to them!
and it does seem he isnt planning on taking them.
BUT they are excited to go to the event i planned.
and with me...they know i follow through!
so it will be all good!
i have a LOT of respect for my kids.
they are realizing who their dad is
AND they still love him, which is SO good for them.
AND they no longer are expecting me to pick up his slack1
no crying or begging this time or anything!
they may have figured out and accepted how things work!
gotta love kid wisdom and kid loyalty to their parents!
even if the parent lets them down!
i would HATE it if my kids turned bitter against their dad.
it would be so bad for them.
| tookway2much |
| (Platinum) |
| 05/12/08 07:39 AM |
| 71.182.21.179 |
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Re: do you make it up to the kids?
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It appears this problem arises is 6 out of 10 relationships.
The kids will all soon realize that "Dad, is a liar." You can't make that up to them, But you can keep your word and give them someone to believe in.
| germangirl631 |
| (Platinum) |
| 05/12/08 08:56 AM |
| 63.127.202.141 |
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Re: do you make it up to the kids?
|
I make it up in other ways. Sign up DS for a camp he likes for a week (knowing his dad won't come pick him up all summer), take him for day trips to amusement parks and stuff that I really can't afford, but I feel guilty knowing he's not getting time with his dad. I at least want him to have fun memories of his childhood. It's very hard. I don't want to spoil him, but I also don't want him to feel like he's any less special, or less deserving since he doesn't have a dad around.
| Samsung |
| (Platinum) |
| 05/13/08 07:42 AM |
| 75.163.17.247 |
|
Re: do you make it up to the kids?
|
"It appears this problem arises is 6 out of 10 relationships.
The kids will all soon realize that "Dad, is a liar." You can't make that up to them, But you can keep your word and give them someone to believe in."
Where did you come up with a statistic like this? Or, is one you just made up, that portrays husbands and fathers as non-caring liers?
| taryn |
| (Platinum) |
| 05/13/08 09:20 AM |
| 75.185.132.243 |
|
Re: do you make it up to the kids?
|
[quote]"It appears this problem arises is 6 out of 10 relationships.
The kids will all soon realize that "Dad, is a liar." You can't make that up to them, But you can keep your word and give them someone to believe in."
Where did you come up with a statistic like this? Or, is one you just made up, that portrays husbands and fathers as non-caring liers? [/quote]
i didnt mean to make it sound like this is only Dads who do this.
it could be either parent.
in my case it IS the dad.
either way, i just wanted to know what people did.
sorry if i came across being 'anti-dad'.
i know of plenty of good divorced dads and good divorced moms. and visa versa.
| mistake#2 |
| (Platinum) |
| 05/13/08 01:47 PM |
| 24.94.123.111 |
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Re: do you make it up to the kids?
|
I don't discuss the promises with the kids that their dad makes...I try to change the subject or just give unemotional type of responses such as "that's nice" instead of getting excited with them or asking questions about an event.
When my 13 year old was little, his dad used to send letters filled with all sorts of promises that I knew were bull...c'mon you haven't seen the kid in months, can't pay the child support, have claimed bankruptcy & fraudulently claimed child on your income tax but your going to bring him 1500 miles to DisneyWorld? My son couldn't read yet and I told ex that if he was going to fill the letters with such crap then he could send them to his parents to read to the kids cause I wasn't going to.
Now the older ones are old enough to know that a promise from their dads really isn't a promise...and I carefully word activities that I hope to do with them as I don't want to promise something I can't deliver either. The 8 year old turns maybe's into Yes's but I think that's both part of his age and his disorders.
I don't hurt for money, but I'm still not going to spoil my kids rotten to make up for the dissapointments from their dads...I'm about life lessons and I think that's a very good lesson to learn about life, it's sometimes dissappointing and you can learn to lift yourself up from that or you can wallow in self-pity.
| Jada |
| (Platinum) |
| 05/14/08 06:58 AM |
| 69.115.64.195 |
|
Re: do you make it up to the kids?
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Her statement didn't say anything about gender until she addressed the original poster directly and even then, it was just pointing out how the original posters stbx falls into those numbers.
The 6 out of 10 wasn't gender specific. Until you posted, that is. Then it was YOU who made it gender specific.
| Jada |
| (Platinum) |
| 05/14/08 06:59 AM |
| 69.115.64.195 |
|
Re: do you make it up to the kids?
|
[quote][quote]"It appears this problem arises is 6 out of 10 relationships.
The kids will all soon realize that "Dad, is a liar." You can't make that up to them, But you can keep your word and give them someone to believe in."
Where did you come up with a statistic like this? Or, is one you just made up, that portrays husbands and fathers as non-caring liers? [/quote]
i didnt mean to make it sound like this is only Dads who do this.
it could be either parent.
in my case it IS the dad.
either way, i just wanted to know what people did.
sorry if i came across being 'anti-dad'.
i know of plenty of good divorced dads and good divorced moms. and visa versa. [/quote]
Nothing you posted was anti-dad.
| Samsung |
| (Platinum) |
| 05/14/08 07:58 AM |
| 75.163.17.247 |
|
Re: do you make it up to the kids?
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Sorry, if I misinterpreted any posts. I always assume the worst when posters like Jada are stalking others, hijacking threads, and is integrating her often slanted stuff. I won't respond to her posts anymore, but I can about guarantee she will respond to this.....she always must get the last word in.