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kymomof1
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(New)
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10/05/07 09:51 PM
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74.128.97.123
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Rocky marriage and husband takes job in CA
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We've been married only 3 years and it's been rocky from the beginning. We just cannot communicate and I am very lonely. I've learned through counseling that he is verbally and emotionally abusive. Trying to talk gets us nowhere, and when there IS improvement, it doesn't last. We have a 2 year son who I have stayed home with him from the beginning. My husband lost his job here and has found one in California. I've begged him to continue looking for something closer where the money will go further (we can afford for him to keep looking), but he really wants this job. I am on the fence, hoping for the best, but my gut telling me that I cannot move there. I feel he is choosing the job over us because we may divorce (finally) over this, but he thinks he's doing the right thing (supporting the family). He said that he could have our son in the summer and holidays (he would be in daycare most of the time I think) but I cannot even imagine him being away even overnight, much less accross the country. I am thinking the court would grant me full custody (all his family and friends are here and I've been home with him since he was born). Now I am scrambling to find a place to live, a job, daycare and what my rights are. I have an appt with an attorney. Does anyone have any good advice or similar situation to shed some light on all this confusion?
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saamrodi
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(Platinum)
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10/05/07 10:05 PM
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24.32.252.152
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Re: Rocky marriage and husband takes job in CA
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As long as there are no real reasons you should not have full custody, then I'm sure you will get full custody if husband moves to California. It shows he is not concerned with staying somewhat close enough to have "real" time with his child. I could understand if he was taking this job "for his family", but you stated he is already thinking about when he can have the child meaning he doesnt have the "family" in mind making this decision.
If he moves that far, I dont think you will have any issues on this topic.
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kymomof1
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(New)
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10/05/07 10:44 PM
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74.128.97.123
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Re: Rocky marriage and husband takes job in CA
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I will be left here to do everything and sell our house. We have only been married just under 3 years. When we met I had quit a job (it was planned and I had money to pay my bills) When he gets mad he says that I didn't even have a job when we met. (I put myself thru college-took 10 years, owned a home, have excellent credit, etc.) He may try to play that card in court when I ask for temp support while finding a house (the home we have is way out, too big and expensive for even us 3, and not close to when I would need to work and have daycare). It is 3x as expensive to live in CA and neither of us could afford to buy a house anytime soon. How would the court figure the child support? He makes $100,000 but it doesn't go as far in CA as it would here. Also, with such a short marriage what does that affect? We also have $60 from the sale of my previous home that I feel is mymoney and I would need to get back on my feet while finding a job.
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kymomof1
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(New)
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10/05/07 10:49 PM
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74.128.97.123
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Re: Rocky marriage and husband takes job in CA
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I feel like when he is mean to me, that it has a negative affect on my mothering. I am not a good mother when we are fighting, and have gotten frustrated and yelled at our son before. He is only a baby and I hate myself for this and feel terrible. He would make me also feel bad and tell me I was a bad mother. He has threatened divorce and to take my son away many, many times (even when I was pregnant). Can he try to do this to me? He knows I am a good mother, but will also criticize me especially when the opportunity is there and I leave myself vulnerable for it. Can he try to take my baby?
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kymomof1
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(New)
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10/05/07 10:55 PM
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74.128.97.123
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Re: Rocky marriage and husband takes job in CA
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I keep feeling bad for my husband having to go through divorce alone in CA (he is very much a "loner" and not very social unless it is a work setting). I feel sorry for him because as I told him, I don't think he realizes what he is also choosing when taking this job (considering our rocky marriage). He REALLY believes he must take this job and that there is not other alternative, no matter what I tell him or how muchm oney we have in the bank. I don't want him to have no money for himself in CA. Will the court in KY consider the high cost of living in CA and what he will have to pay for housing there? I don't want to hurt him or for him to not be able to afford to live there. BTW, his career field is pretty specialized and he did look here for a job too. (I still think he could find SOMETHING here in KY that he is qualified to do but he is pretty picky as this is HIS CAREER and not just a "job".
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