I have been married for twenty years. My husband wanted a housewife and that is what I have been whether or not it made me happy. This and raising our sons was to be my job. I wanted to leave many times but was told by others I could never make it without him and he has even told me I could not. The crazy thing is he loves me and is doing this because he loves me. I want him gone but need him. There are a lot of complicated factors involved. He has finally agreed to go to counseling but I do not think anything he could ever do at this point will make me feel emotionally safe with him but I have stayed because I need his pay check and insurance to meet my needs and I also do not want our sons to have their world's turned upside down. I know this makes me sound shallow but I do care about him for more than his money. At least at some point I did. I am not even sure how I feel now except numb. We do not make a lot of money as it is so I am not in this for his money. After staying all this time even when I received a very large settlement(almost one year's salary) which I intended to use to leave he has decided he has lost himself and he his leaving. I stayed to prove my love and paid off bills like an idiot.

I honestly want him to leave. I am not even sure I love him but I am sure I do not feel comfortable with him at all. I do not feel safe in my own home. He has never been physically abusive but I feel he has been emotionally abusive and so do others including my doctors and therapist. I have no clue what to expect. A week ago I never even dreamed I would be on a forum like this. I am in therapy and thought we were working our marriage out and now I am terrified about how I am going to survive financially. I have not worked in eighteen years because he feels my job is to run the house and raise the kids which I hate but I have tried to be a good wife.

What happens now? I know I could pretend I want him in my home and bed and he will stay but I am tired of doing this. I have suffered through this long enough but I am afraid if I do not do this that I will be left without the means to survive. I know that we can hardly pay our bills now. I also know that I have medical conditions that require expensive medicines and treatment so I have to have insurance.