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...I marry a man right after college. I stay with him during the rough times and have children. I am a good wife. ... Husband has an affair and says he wants a divorce. The kids are over 18 and in college.

Are you suggesting that I get nothing?
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Whether it is your husband who wants a divorce or yourself, AS LONG AS NO-FAULT DIVORCE IS THE LAW no damages will be available for "misconduct". This means that, as a practical matter, the reason for the divorce is essentially irrelevant. Therefore we are left with the question of whether you should get a certain "settlement" from your husband, of assets under his control, FOR NO OTHER REASON BUT THE FACT THAT YOU WERE MARRIED TO HIM. This contention is patently absurd, as the same "argument" would apply even if you had been the worst wife and mother in the world, making your husband's life miserable and causing him to be unable to acquire as much wealth in the first place. Although in the vast maze of confusing, contradictory law and argument in divorces there exists some theory and case law which maintain that all factors, including those you mentioned, should be considered in determining any "settlement", this is just another possibility among many--and a long shot at that.

I argue therefore that the only just way to look at this question is to consider that, under a no-fault system of divorce, it is encumbent upon each married party to either accept whatever they are presently and on a daily basis getting out of the marriage, with no guarantees that they will ever get more, or to divorce their spouse if they are not happy and cannot convince the other party to arrange for them to receive whatever they consider lacking. One method of making such arrangements would be a seperate, civil (post-nuptial) contract.

As an adult you cannot have your cake and eat it too, nor can you complain and caterwaul in the casino manager's office about how unfair it is that you tapped out and demand a consolation prize. Life doesn't work like that and neither should law. If you take chances in the hope of great rewards and you lose--and also received little or nothing in the process--then you have no one but yourself to blame. In the situation you described, my judgement would be that you have ALREADY gotten everything you deserved from the man and ever will deserve, in the form of the support and security you enjoyed during the marriage. Like the gambler who lost all of her money in the casino you also received the mental and emotional joy and satisfaction of moving, hopefully, toward the aforementioned great rewards--a not inconsequential benefit in itself, even if these rewards were never fully realized. You apparently never complained DURING the marriage, while simultaneously enjoying NO GUARANTEES OR ASSURANCES FROM ANYONE that you would ever receive anything beyond this! As long as the law refuses to consider awarding you damages for the adultery, why should your complaints that you should now receive anything beyond what you already have be credible?

To view this question in any other manner would mean the authorization of the same legalized theft against men committed daily by courts in this country, in which gold diggers are regularly made wealthy by being awarded a fortune from men whom they divorce under "no-fault" law, after doing virtually nothing but waiting for the man to work enough to generate sufficient wealth for the woman and her greedy lawyers to make their move. Your argument cannot be seperated from an argument in favor of such vileness, and will NEVER wash with any thinking, honest person!