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done4
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(New)
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01/27/08 11:26 AM
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72.10.93.24
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korea
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My husband is in Korea, I'm in GA. I'm a legal resident of GA but have only been back here for 7 months. He is stationed in Korea but claims to be a resident of Florida. We have 3 kids one is 21, one is 19 and going to college here, the other one is 14 and lives here with me. I want to file for divorce but I don't know where to start and I don't know what I can do. WIll he have to still help me pay for the 19 year olds college....at this point I've been paying for it out of what I make...and any idea on the percentage that I will get for my 14 year old? He is a major and lets just say he is a lying, cheating, SOB. Oh yes, we've been married for 23 years.
Any advice would be helpful.
Thanks
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movingon2
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(Platinum)
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01/27/08 11:48 PM
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72.218.62.60
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Re: korea
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If you have been married 23 years the military pension is an important issue. Due to him being in Korea, you in GA and him stating FL as his legal residence be very careful in regards to jurisdiction issues and the courts regarding division of the military pension. Make sure you obtain an attorney who is well informed on issues relating to military divorces.
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pdm1960
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(Platinum)
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01/28/08 02:06 PM
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129.198.241.67
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Re: korea
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Done4,
Sorry to here about your situation. I am assuming there is 20 years of ovelappng time between the marriage and military service. If this is the case, you are entitled to 50% of his retiement when he retires. If he is not retired, any spousal support/alimony and child support will be based on the state laws in which you file. It won't matter that he is a Florida resident if you file in the state of Georgia. Find an attorney that specializes in family law and is also fluent with military marriges. Depending on the state law you may or may not be eligible for spousal support/alimony. However, if you are awarded spousal support/alimony it may be for only a specific time frame (i.e. one year). Additionally, your children will continue to have medical benefits (tricare)and other base privileges until they are 21 unless they are enrolled in college. The privileges are extended to the age of 24 if they are enrolled. Also, if the SOB stays in the military and the courts award you a specific percentage of his pay once the divorce is final, OR, if child support is based on a percentage of his pay, stay on top of any annual pay increases (and paygrade, O-4 to O-5 is good chunk of money) so that what he has to pay also increases. If your 19 year old is going to college, ask your attorney if it is possible to get the SOB to help pay for a portion of the cost. Hope this helps. Good Luck and Stay Strong
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done4
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(New)
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01/28/08 09:55 PM
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72.10.93.24
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Re: korea
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I have made an appointment on Friday to talk to the legal office at Ft.Stewart here. I'm not sure how things will work out. He gets paid over 22 years and we have been married for 23. He has a break in active duty time so he can't retire for about 3 more years. Thing is, he has been an ass all along but is really being an ass now....he got busted by the Korean cops for a DUI and pretty much deadended his career. I begged him NOT to go to Korea again because I knew it would be the end of us. He was just there a little over a year ago, came stateside and we all moved so he could go to school and he went right back to Korea for 2 years and last week said he is staying for another 9 months so he can just retire from over there. He has had at least one affair that I know of and probably more because every freaking word he speaks is a lie.....oh I'm so ready to move on. I've been alone pretty much our whole career because he has alway had jobs where he wasn't home...constantly tdy. Stupidest thing I ever did was stay for the kids. Any how, thanks for the help.
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pdm1960
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(Platinum)
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01/29/08 01:30 PM
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129.198.241.67
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Re: korea
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Done4,
You will realize more as time goes on that you made the right decision. The legal office should be able to direct you to local attorneys that specialize in family law with an understanding of military benefits. I am not sure about the break in service but it sounds like you may be eligible for close to 50% of his retirement pay. Make sure that is addressed in the divorce paperwork. Until then you should be able to get child support from him as well as some type of spousal support (depends on the state). My divorce is not yet final (almost 2 years in the court system) but well worth it. You will find this out as you empower yourself with the understanding that you can live a better life without this guy. You have already been doing it most of the last 20+ years. It won't be easy at first, but nothing worth having is ever easy. It will be worth it. Also, your children with continue to get medical coverage and base privileges and depending on how the courts calculate your overlapping time married along with his time in service you may be eligible also. Stay strong, surround yourself with supportive friends and family and don't give in.
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done4
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(New)
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02/01/08 05:44 PM
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72.10.93.24
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Re: korea
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I saw the lawyer today...everything can be done and over in a couple of months if he agrees to everything...I didn't file yet..I'm hoping to see a counselor to get my head together first. So why do I feel so horrible. I've been crying all day and I can't eat...my daughter wants to know what is wrong and I can't tell her. I told my 19 year old and he is very supportive but is very worried about his dad and thinks maybe he's having a mental breakdown. I HATE THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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pdm1960
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(Platinum)
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02/04/08 05:32 PM
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129.198.241.67
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Re: korea
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Done4,
I totally understand what you are going through. I cried many times during the first few months. I thought the world was over. I was wrong. I did it by surrounding myself with great suportive friends, supportive family members, a great therapist, and a caring doctor. I went from 220 pounds to 190. I looked great for a change. I have a 6 year old from this marriage, try explaining to a 6 year old why she now lives in 2 places. I felt bad for my daughter but realized I needed to get myself together to show her everything was going to be okay. Someday maybe I'll tell you what happened to me but I can tell you this. If he is as bad as you say he is. And he hasn't treated you fairly or respectfully, you deserve a better life. It will be scary. I was scared to death. But I was determined to come out of this a better person. and now after 2 years, I don't think I'm a better person without her, I know I am a better person. You will get there, don't give up, stay strong.
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done4
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(New)
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02/05/08 07:55 AM
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72.10.93.24
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Re: korea
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I'm doing better right now. I saw a counselor yesterday...she thinks that since I'm not interested in dating that I should take the 2 more years that he will be in Korea and sock away some money. If I stay for at least 2 more years, we will reach his 20year mark and I can have medical even after the divorce also. I just don't know if I want to waste another 2 years of my life. I've already given over half of my life to this man and for what.
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done4
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(New)
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02/10/08 05:21 PM
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72.10.93.24
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Re: korea
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pdm, I sent you a couple of messages but I don't know if they went through. Can you let me know.
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