| shouldbesleeping |
| (New) |
| 02/16/08 12:26 PM |
| 217.229.190.212 |
Trapped
|
Someone please help. I have decided to divorce my wife because she has been abusive in every way to me for the past 10 years. I have made it clear that I no longer want to be married.
It's hard, because I'm leaving the Military in about 4 months and I am stationed in Germany. I told her that I want to be friends, and just be a Dad, while She's the Mom, and I want to be able to be with the kids while we go through this, So I haven't been going to the barracks room they put me in last time she was abusive to me.
The hard part, is that I can't seem to resist her when she wants to sleep with me. I don't want to be rude, mean or nasty to her, but if I'm not, She takes it as me wanting something more. That if I'm nice, I must want sex, and therefore to patch things up.
Everytime I do, I feel like an awful person. Right now, I just don't know what to do. I know I'll feel awful when I do it, but the heat of the moment overtakes me, and I do it, and I am miserable afterward. I don't want to be married to her anymore, and I know that sex means more to her than just the venting of frustration that it is for me. But I'm still so damn attached to her. She's the only woman I've ever slept with and I find it so hard to say no when She's wanting it.
It's really messing with my head right now. because I know for a fact that I want to leave her. All of the terrible stuff that's happened, I'm willing to forgive, and be friends with her, so that the kids can see that Mom and Dad, still care enough to be nice around them.
Is there any way to distance myself from her during this time without being a jerk to her? I, as of this moment, never want to have sex with her EVER again, but I don't know if I can resist when she decides She wants it.
| movingon2 |
| (Platinum) |
| 02/16/08 08:23 PM |
| 72.218.62.60 |
Re: Trapped
|
1.Run don't walk back to the barracks!
2.Take a cold shower and think of the bad times...it works!
| WolRon |
| (Platinum) |
| 02/17/08 03:34 AM |
| 66.242.81.47 |
|
Re: Trapped
|
"Is there any way to distance myself from her during this time without being a jerk to her? I, as of this moment, never want to have sex with her EVER again, but I don't know if I can resist when she decides She wants it. "
A. Tell her if she wants sex, that's all it'll be. You're still leaving. That sort of thing happens all the time with divorcing couples.
and/or B. Have sex with someone else. Gets you less attached to your STBX.
| Jada |
| (Platinum) |
| 02/17/08 07:57 AM |
| 69.115.64.195 |
|
Re: Trapped
|
[quote]and/or B. Have sex with someone else. Gets you less attached to your STBX. [/quote]
And could end up costing you. Some states will take adultery into consideration when it comes time to determine spousal support and division of assets. Not to mention that this guy is in the military. It may look very bad for him if he cheats.
Better to wait until the divorce is final.
| Samsung |
| (Platinum) |
| 02/17/08 08:26 AM |
| 75.163.22.235 |
|
Re: Trapped
|
Sir, you are a soldier. Learn to self-disipline yourself.
| WolRon |
| (Platinum) |
| 02/17/08 12:08 PM |
| 66.242.81.47 |
|
Re: Trapped
|
"Not to mention that this guy is in the military. It may look very bad for him if he cheats.
Better to wait until the divorce is final."
Ah yes, forgot about the military. Yep, better just stick with option A.
Actually, this could give you an opportunity to test out the rodeo theory. You know, the one where you mount your partner and tell her that her sister was a better lay, then see if you can hold on for 8 seconds...
| saamrodi |
| (Platinum) |
| 02/17/08 10:34 PM |
| 24.32.252.253 |
|
Re: Trapped
|
"Have sex with someone else. Gets you less attached to your STBX."
"Ah yes, forgot about the military"
Ah yes, dont forget that your still married. Some of us, including Wolron here......get kind of upset with the "during marriage" thing....
| WolRon |
| (Platinum) |
| 02/18/08 01:28 AM |
| 66.242.81.47 |
|
Re: Trapped
|
"Some of us, including Wolron here......get kind of upset with the "during marriage" thing...."
I do; but if it's truly over, it's over. Then you're just talking about a technicality...
| Jada |
| (Platinum) |
| 02/18/08 10:42 AM |
| 69.115.64.195 |
|
Re: Trapped
|
[quote]"Some of us, including Wolron here......get kind of upset with the "during marriage" thing...."
I do; but if it's truly over, it's over. Then you're just talking about a technicality... [/quote]
That technicality is a big one.
| pdm1960 |
| (Platinum) |
| 02/19/08 06:13 PM |
| 129.198.241.67 |
|
Re: Trapped
|
shouldbesleeping,
Its not difficult to be coerced into sex when you don't want it when you're in a relationship such as yours. She has a sense of control over you and she knows it. I understand you are in the military and going to be released in about 4 months. I know its a BIG stigma in the military but I would recommend an appointment to the mental health folks and talk to a counselor before getting out. Use your barracks room whenever you need to get away. There needs to come a point when you stick up for yourself and realize enough is enough. Abuse should not be tolerated, especially if it is physical. And when she comes on to you, call someone or go somewhere where the urge isn't so great.
| shouldbesleeping |
| (New) |
| 02/23/08 10:20 PM |
| 217.229.183.198 |
|
Re: Trapped
|
Thanks for all your replies. It means alot to know that there are good people out there. I'm still struggling to get through this, and I'm at my house for my kids. But She and I aren't talking ever since they threatened to EROD her back to the states, and leave the kids with me if she didn't cut out her threats and aggressive behavior.
| broken0504 |
| (New) |
| 02/27/08 02:38 AM |
| 139.139.83.70 |
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Re: Trapped
|
Considering the fact that she is physically abusive I dont understand why they wouldn't EROD her back to the USA. I also reside in Germany and we have sent back several spouses (male and female) who have been physically and emotionally abusive towards the soldier. Im having a hard time believing that there isn't another side to the story. Being a spouse overseas is very difficult, it has been the demise of my marriage as well. My husband has changed dramatically, by becoming emotionally and mentally abusive...I recommend you get that barracks room, seek mental help through the mental health care services, and avoid your spouse 100% Even with children, the military provides services to assist you to see your children and still raise your children. What kind of environment is that for your two kids to see you and your spouse fight,argue and bicker...its times to move on and grow up and think more about your children than the sex.
| shamrock1269 |
| (New) |
| 02/27/08 10:08 AM |
| 70.140.245.254 |
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Re: Trapped
|
I'm the ex-wife of a military man. You cannot, repeat, CANNOT, sleep with someone else while you are still married. You can ruin your career if you get caught, and I know that you are well aware of this. I understand your need to be with the children, and how difficult it is to leave the wife.
You are suffering from the same PTSD that abused wives go through. That's what's making it so difficult to leave. So, here's the thing, go to Behavioral Svcs, or Mental Health or whatever it is that they're calling it these days. You need help to regain your self-esteem, and explore the reasons that you cannot seperate yourself from this abusive situation.
I hope that all works out for you.