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Donna69
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(New)
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05/05/08 06:00 PM
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74.95.142.129
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I dont kow what to do
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Well, My ex is driving me up a wall. I'm hoping someone can shed some light and give me some advise. I am really saddened for my four boys ages 15, 13, 10, 7. My ex and I went to a mediator at the beginning of our divorce to set up an agreed upon visitation schedule. He decided that he would take the four boys 3 weekends a month and 2 boys ever tuesday. Well 2 years later and he has not taken the boys on the weekends at all. My boys would literally sit at the window and wait for him, he would never show. This is really crappy. Well two years later they are used to it. He picks them up on the tuesdays and gives them a story that the poor boys believed for a long time. Now they don't really care. My ex states to them all the time how much he loves them. He states that he cant pikc them up becasue of the gas prices. And the latest thing is he told them he cant see them on tuesday because he will be in jamaca. My oldest boys are very upset, the two younger ones dont really know the difference.
My question is: is there anything I can do to make my ex take the kids. Right now I have no time for myself and I am at my wits end with the kids in a bad mood every weekend. If I have to let them go with them, why cant I make him take them? I get very little child support and cant afford them with me all the time. I budgeted for one weekend. They are actually eating me out of house and home.
I was hoping I could get some advise. I cant afford a lawyer right now and I am worried about the boys emotional well being.
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newlife07
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(New)
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05/05/08 10:05 PM
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72.66.252.166
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Re: I dont kow what to do
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Have you searched your area for any counseling resources for your boys? There may be somewhere you can take them to take care of their emotional well-being. You may even be able to find a pastor at a local church-many can counsel and may do it for nothing. My kids dad has never really put any effort into getting my now 14 and 16 year old(he left 2 years ago). He is supposed to have them 6 nights a month and then whenever it works for them to get together. They have never spent the night and I can probaly count less that 20 times that he has actually come to get them and spend time with them. My kids have come to terms with it and have formed their own opinions about their dad. I felt like all I could do was support them, love them, and let them know that their dad loves them and shows it the best way he knows how and then let them make their own decisions about him. I know how difficult it is to never have a break, but hang in there and look for that help.
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Donna69
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(New)
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05/06/08 02:12 PM
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74.95.142.129
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Re: I dont kow what to do
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Yes, they are in counceling, however, he shows up and they cant say what they want to about him because he sits there and they are afraid that if they say something bad about their dad, he wouldnt pick them up anymore. So they dont get much out of it. He insists on being there because we have joint legal custody. I dont think it is fair to the kids. All this man wants to do is hurt me and he doesnt realize he is hurting the kids by his actions. I didnt know if there is something I could do because of it legally. free consult from lawyers are hard to come by..lol.....
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Re: I dont kow what to do
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It's not counseling if they can't say what they need to. The counselor should make him leave the room and have the boys talk in private. Why pay for counseling that is serving no purpose? I would call the counselor about that. Also, if he is not taking the children as agreed upon originally, could you request an increase in child support since his parenting time is not what it is supposed to be? In my state, they take that into account (overnight stays) when determining child support. Sometimes that threat is enough to get the NCP to step up to their duties.
You usually can file a child support re-eval on your own without a lawyer.
I understand how you feel. I get no break either. NCP lives 10 hours away. Has seen DS 1 1/2 days in the past 14 months. And those hours were while I was at work, so it still wasn't even a break.
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Beat-Down
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(Platinum)
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05/06/08 03:06 PM
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165.249.0.62
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Re: I dont kow what to do
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[QUOTE] My question is: is there anything I can do to make my ex take the kids. Right now I have no time for myself and I am at my wits end with the kids in a bad mood every weekend. If I have to let them go with them, why can’t I make him take them? I get very little child support and can’t afford them with me all the time. I budgeted for one weekend. They are actually eating me out of house and home.
Your x hasn't taken the boys on the weekends in two years. If he doesn’t want to spend time with them you probably shouldn't send them there. It is a shame the he doesn’t take the time for the children. It sounds to me that what you really need is a break from the kids. Do you have any close friends or family that may be able to keep the boys for a while to give you some “you” time?
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Re: I dont kow what to do
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I actually had my stbx-in-laws watch my son for a week while I went away on vacation. They got to see their grandson, and I got a break for a week.
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Donna69
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(New)
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05/06/08 04:37 PM
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74.95.142.129
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Re: I dont kow what to do
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Germangirl,
I hear ya. I know it isnt counceling, but all the councelor says is that is good that both parents are there. MY X is a manipulater. He is totally different when around others. I just want my kids to be happy and see their father they love. He isnt bad towards them....But he has no time with them. 10 hours a month is all. Two kids every tuesday for 5 hours at a time.
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Donna69
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(New)
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05/06/08 04:41 PM
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74.95.142.129
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Re: I dont kow what to do
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Beat Down,
I have no one, all the friends we had are not my friends anymore, they all took his side because he told them lies about me.
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Donna69
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(New)
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05/06/08 04:43 PM
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74.95.142.129
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Re: I dont kow what to do
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Germangirl,
In minnesota they take the income of both parents but I dont think they take the amount of time each parent has. I will look more into it. Thanks for the info.
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