| helpx4 |
| (New) |
| 12/03/07 12:16 PM |
| 70.128.74.94 |
boundaries - help please?
|
I am married have two bio children and two step children. We have all four now but no child support from bio mom since she wouldn't agree to change paperwork to show father has residential custodian to both children and we don't have the money to fight her about it. And basically father says that it is more important to have his son with no money from her (since this is the only way she said he can stay with us) then it would be for him to have to worry about sons well being with her. I agree but disagree, while we are doing ok and making our bills - we are now paying for four and she isn't paying anything towards her sons. Now I have found out my youndest son has a medicial problem and will need to be followed by a physician and will need medicine. This adds up on top of the already bills. I feel like this is unfair and need to know what other people have done to set boundaries. I don't want to play my kids vs her kids but come on I am doing for all of them and she is doing for none except for her usual email that says she will send something but can't EVER tell us when. What do I do? Tell them to call their mother when they need stuff? Then I am playing favorites and I said I wouldn't do that but I am at my wits end on this one.
| golightly |
| (Gold) |
| 12/03/07 08:07 PM |
| 71.209.16.74 |
Re: boundaries - help please?
|
When a chid has a medical problem that needs to be addressed, that should absolutely be a priority in the family's budget. It is NOT playing favorites. If it was one of your step kids that had the problem, it would receive the same financial attention from you. Make sure the bio mom, and all you kids know this (assuming they are old enough to understand that this bad luck could have happened to any one of them.)
I agree that to go to court is too expensive - financially and emotionally, and can yield unexpected and unwanted outcomes. Been there, done that. (I'm also a step mom of 2, also with 2 bios). What I do suggest is to have a conversation with her, and inform her of your changing circumstances. Explain that ALL four kids will now have less given the problem of the one. Then try to identify some specific things maybe she could take care of for her sons. For example: It would be great if you could buy them their winter coats this year; otherwise the best we can afford for them is 2nd hand on Ebay. Or.... would you mind taking Jr. for his haircut next week? Or....Jr. really needs a pair of soccer cleats, do you think you could take him shopping for them this weekend? Although it doesn't help pay your grocery bills, it at least takes care of osme of their needs so you won't have to.
Good luck - sorry about your little one.