| Deannainlasvegas |
| (New) |
| 07/24/07 10:44 AM |
| 207.200.116.195 |
Hi I am new here and need some guidence
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Hi my name is Deanna and I am new here. I found this site yesturday and was so happy to have stumbled acrossed it and am hoping I can get some help with my situation.
I am 38 yrs old and have been married to the same man since I was 18 yrs old, married at 19, we have never been seperated and went through alot together in our long marriage but have manage to stick it out, we now have two small boys 3 and 1.5 yrs old. He can be a good man but as in every marriage we have issues that have me at my wits end and I want to divorce him to give myself and my boys a better life. The problem is, he said he will contest the divorce and refuse to sign any divorce papers and will drag this out in court till we both grow old. He said he will tell the judge that he doesnt want a divorce and he means it too, the reason I cannot stay with him is because if i had to choose my children over him, i choose my children and if i stay with him i stand a chance of losing my boys who are my number one priority. What can I do? right now im a stay at home mom, he doesnt want our boys in childcare and doesnt want me to work I feel trapped at times because he wants to spend all his time with me and i need room to breath he is very attached to me for what ever reason he doesnt seem to be able to function with out me thus i feel smothered by him. I tried to make our marriage work but i just cannot handle his dependance towards me...Can he really contest a divorce? Are there any attorneys that help you do a divorce for a lesser fee? I cannot afford 10 gran for this heck i cannot afford anything right now but i mostely cannot handle him right now..there is more if anyone needs to know more details of what is going on i will explain sorry this is so long, your advice would be greatly appreciated Deanna
| Sarah1014 |
| (Platinum) |
| 07/24/07 11:32 AM |
| 24.14.185.5 |
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Re: Hi I am new here and need some guidence
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I am usually the person here to say, "Chuck it!" But for some odd reason, I'm thinking I would try counseling first.
Just go and see what happens. If it fails after that, you can say you tried. He needs to hear from a neutral person that he's strangling the life out of you.
| GuinnessGirl |
| (Platinum) |
| 07/24/07 09:05 PM |
| 12.226.174.220 |
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Re: Hi I am new here and need some guidence
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I may be overreacting but it sounds like there is more here than meets the eye. Why are you worried you'll lose your boys? How much control does he want over your day-to-day activities? Are there any anger control issues? Usually someone who is this controlling displays other bad behaviors as well.
I agree that maybe counseling could help. He can't be completely happy being this dependent on someone else, either. Have you suggested this to him before?
If you are unhappy enough to consider divorcing, there must be lots more weighing on your mind than the fact that he doesn't want you to get a job outside the home. Is there?
| Deannainlasvegas |
| (New) |
| 07/24/07 11:27 PM |
| 207.200.112.165 |
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Re: Hi I am new here and need some guidence
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Thanks for your replies. I was trying to keep it simple but I must explain so it is clearer why i want a divorce.
I busted him again selling weed out of our garage it wasnt to many people but to his friends and I do not condone that for any reason at all. When i busted him before he said he wouldnt do it again well he just got busted again I am worried i will lose my boys if he gets busted with it by the cops and both of us will go to jail. I do not smoke, I do not drink and I do not do drugs I am a stay at home mother to my boys and he is the provider, he does smoke weed out in the garage in small amounts which I am against but I let it go, but I cannot and will not under any circumstances condone him selling it. I hate it and I do not want my kids around it. I have even asked him to stop smoking it because the boys are getting older and i do not want them to see or smell it. If he is going to do these smoke it or sell it then I must leave this marriage for the sake of my children. He is a good person do not get me wrong, but to a fault he is very dependant on me as he wants to spend every single minute with me unless he has something interesting to do like go to the garage to get high or go shooting with his friends, he doesnt want me to have a social life although I do it any ways but he wines like a baby and it gets old..i feel he doesnt want me to get a job because of his jealous nature and because then I will have more independance then he can handle does that make sense? he knows that if i do not have a job it will be harder for me to leave him well i am in the process of looking for a full time job now, because I will not and cannot give him that kind of control over me. I am a very strong woman and i love my family but I have only so much i can tolerate from a person and drugs is not one of them. We have gone to counseling for other issues and it didnt work to our advantage, because of this, i find that my only other option is to leave or at least make him know that I am serious this time because as I said before he basically didnt take me serious the first time i busted him....this time i must make it clear to him that i wont allow him to put our kids or myself in danger. I hope this clears things up a bit more...
| Sarah1014 |
| (Platinum) |
| 07/24/07 11:39 PM |
| 24.14.185.5 |
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Re: Hi I am new here and need some guidence
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Go to counseling about the weed. Bring up the fact that you need to get the hell out of the house and work.
I wouldn't divorce over weed. Maybe a trial separation or something. You need to get his attention. Weed is a hard habit to kick.
| Jada |
| (Platinum) |
| 07/25/07 12:02 AM |
| 69.115.74.232 |
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Re: Hi I am new here and need some guidence
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He can fight the divorce. And he can also be asked to pay your legal fees for doing that.
But he can't stop the divorce. And he can't drag it out until you are old.
I would look into your state's divorce laws and see how long it typically takes to get divorced.
| golightly |
| (Gold) |
| 07/26/07 06:30 PM |
| 68.111.5.190 |
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Re: Hi I am new here and need some guidence
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You are absolutely right to be scared about the weed. Even though "everybody does it" in certain places, it is still taken very seriously by law enforcement.
All it will take is one lowlife who bought it from him to get busted for possession. He will be offered a "walk" if he can identify one or two dealers. Then the cops start watching, digging, And if they see any other sign, they might get another "witness" to try to make a buy. And then he's busted. And you're probably busted too. Believe it or not, it is a punishable offense in a lot of states merely to be around it.
Although you would probably get off with probabtion and a black mark on your record (which would NOT be helpful when trying to find a job), he would probably be looking at jail time. Add up your combined lawyers fees and his lost earnings due to spending 30 days - 2yrs+ in the clink, and a divorce is startign to sound cheap.
DO NOT MAKE THE MISTAKE OF THINKING IT WILL NOT HAPPEN TO YOU!
I think you need to either 1) insist on a divorce. or 2) give him an ultimatum - the weed or his family. That way he will have a choice.
Best of luck to you, dear.
| jbar |
| (Platinum) |
| 07/28/07 04:59 AM |
| 68.88.203.136 |
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Re: Hi I am new here and need some guidence
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I would talk to a criminal attorney about the extent to which you could be considered involved if he is busted. To the best of my knowledge it is still against the law for a woman to testify against her husband in this country, but this may only apply to court testimony and not to tips to the police which could provide them with leads for investigation. The problem with divorcing him or voluntarily working with the police to nail him if he doesn't agree to the ultimatume you mentioned is that he may know some elements who, in sither case, would be happy to "pay you a visit" on his behalf, particularly if their own income is threatened by your dissaproval, so be careful!
This same warning applys if you divorce him without even mentioning the weed to anyone else. Whila a judge may order him to pay your legal bills, this order itself can be objected to and may create futher complication of the procedure you would still have to pay to fight. If you could afford it you could probably just take the kids and leave. I believe he would just let you go if you made it clear that his secret life would come out if he didn't leave you alone!
Disclaimer: Not Legal Advice
| Samsung |
| (Platinum) |
| 07/28/07 09:13 PM |
| 71.214.153.237 |
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Re: Hi I am new here and need some guidence
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"To the best of my knowledge it is still against the law for a woman to testify against her husband in this country"
It is not against the law. A spouse cannot be charged with contempt of court to compel them to testify. However, they can voluntarily testify if they want.
| quoi411 |
| (New) |
| 09/08/07 04:27 PM |
| 68.229.3.160 |
Re: Hi I am new here and need some guidence
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Try these people; they are very helpful and will give you a free consultation:
Clark County Legal Services Program, Inc.
800 South Eighth Street
Las Vegas, Nevada 89101
(702) 386-1070
(800) 522-1070
(702) 366-0569
(fax) TDD: (702) 386-1059 (hearing impaired)
| KGrow |
| (Platinum) |
| 09/09/07 12:02 AM |
| 24.8.144.220 |
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Re: Hi I am new here and need some guidence
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A bit of marriage counseling might be VERY effective for this situation. Please give it a try.