| megs |
| (New) |
| 09/05/06 05:00 AM |
| 74.132.88.1 |
Want to move out of state
|
Hello, I came here seeking advice:I am going through a divorce- filed in May, 06 after 10 years of marriage. I have a 2 1/2 year old daughter & currently my ex & I have joint legal & physical custody of her..he participates a lot in her care-good dad...etc...we split visitation equally...I fell in love w/ a former co-worker through talking, chatting, seeing him occasionally..hes married w/ 3 kids living in pittsburgh,PA-he has great financial debt as he just finished law school a year ago at age of 42...im 35. He is looking to get a divorce but is financially unable to unless he goes to live at the YMCA or something...his wife is very dependent..doesnt make a lot of money & is unable to support herself..etc...so...there are all these obstacles in our way...my dillema is whether to move there to be with him..have him live with me close to his kids (he couldnt live separated from them) while he pays down his debt...Our connection is very strong..we fell in love with eachother really unexpectedly-neither of us has been able to figure out what to do here...I know the law says i need my ex's permission to move..the question i have is :has anyone really ever done this with a small child? How selfish is this to take away a child from her family? Her dad, her grandparents? How can visitation be arranges to ensure she has a relationship w/ her dad? Im miserable thinking I could ruin her life-but yet I love this person like I have never loved anyone else?? Any advice out there?
| RWT |
| (Platinum) |
| 12/24/06 01:25 AM |
| 209.240.228.94 |
Re: Want to move out of state
|
I don't visit this area of the forum much and I see your post has been on here since September with no replies. The practical considerations you describe seem to be tremendous hurdles. I'm afraid you can't follow your heart on this one.
First, you say he's still married. Strike number one.
Second, he has huge financial debt. Strike number two.
Third, he lives far away.
If he leaves his wife for you, how do you know he won't leave you for another heartthrob somewhere down the road.
Financial debt puts a huge strain on even good relationships with a solid foundation.
Third, the distance obstacle really makes this an impossible dream. You might just be a safe dalliance for him. Someone to flirt with on the side who is safe because he knows how high the other hurdles are.
Sorry, but that's the opinion of a 55 year old man. If you try I'm sure you can find a good man, relatively debt free and single closer to home. You may be infatuated with him because for these three reasons, he is "forbidden fruit". If you were my daughter (I have one who is 35 and divorced) I'd say the same thing. Forget about him.