| CantEatCantSleep |
| (New) |
| 11/20/07 02:11 PM |
| 24.16.40.199 |
Wife dropped bomb -- what to do?
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Hi everyone, Below is my story. I'm hoping someone can give me some info or advice that'll help me make a decision on what to do next.
Married 5 years. Been in committed relationship for more than 10 years. We're best friends, love eachother, affectionate, but not very intimate. Have known the lack of intimacy is a problem, I tried to get it addressed in counseling. Never went anywhere. I always thought we would work on it again some time and really make an effort to make it better before we took any drastic steps.
Well, a few days ago my wife said she's not happy with her life, wants to move out of the Northwest, said she "developed some strong feelings" for a guy she met on a biz trip, she loves me but she's not "in love" with me anymore and she wants to move out. She swears that although she dated the guy, she didn't sleep with him and she is not going to pursue a relationship with him.
So, I don't know whether to fight to keep the marriage or just move on. If my wife's no longer in love with me and we'd just be delaying the inevitable, than why bother? I'd rather just get through the pain and move on quickly. She wants to move in with a friend half way accross the country and think about it. I don't want to wait in limbo with knots in my stomach. Am I wrong?
Also, what are the legal repurcussions? She's been the primary bread-winner for the past 2 years -- I was for the first 8 (3 married). Am I going to get screwed now? I've given up my 6-figure career to pursue part-time non-profit and volunteer work. We agreed on that path.
I've asked her to find an apartment but they're really expensive. Should I push that? I need the house to provide stability for my son (from a previous marriage). Soooo confused. Any advice or related personal experiences you want to share would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks!
| drillsgt |
| (Bronze) |
| 11/27/07 08:10 PM |
| 206.138.130.3 |
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Re: Wife dropped bomb -- what to do?
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Hey sorry I cant really answer your question. I just wanted to let you know that was the exact words my wife used. I love you just not in love with you. I thought it sounded like some OPRAH B.S. But That was 6 of 7 yrs ago. I tried to work through it. I have never forgot it. Im just buying some time to get out. I personally am concerned when my wife talks about this guy or that guy just because of her cheating in the past. So I dont want to throw my feelings on that at you also. I hope someone on here can help you. In the short time I have used this forum it has helped me alot. I wish you the best.
| sailrdh |
| (New) |
| 11/30/07 11:26 PM |
| 24.16.44.167 |
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Re: Wife dropped bomb -- what to do?
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Dear CSCE
I feel for you. I'm into a divorce and my mistake was leaving the family home because then you become the outsider fighting to get back into the lives of your children.
So I feel nervous when I read you are encouraging her to move out. I would definitely push for that, that she leave, and things will be much easier for you, and she gets her freedom to choose a new life as painful as that may feel to you now. Good luck.
| adrenaline |
| (Platinum) |
| 12/25/07 12:49 AM |
| 204.17.31.126 |
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Re: Wife dropped bomb -- what to do?
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If there are no kids you will come out unscathed.
Doesn't sound like she will fight. You can do this amicably
| stack |
| (New) |
| 08/23/08 09:31 AM |
| 71.113.44.27 |
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Re: Wife dropped bomb -- what to do?
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Man! I work with two men, who went through this same situation. Seems to be common here in the NW. Good thing you don't have kids. Best of luck.
| priek |
| (New) |
| 10/08/08 09:20 PM |
| 71.39.129.103 |
Re: Wife dropped bomb -- what to do?
|
As to the other guy, seriously just leave it alone. this sounds like the conversation is very new, so you are about to start the roller coaster ride.
Whatever the case.. The best advice i can give is to get as far away and cut off all contact. if there is a marital home to sell, it's gonna be difficult in this market and you are in for an uphill road.
| div2wice |
| (Silver) |
| 10/08/08 11:34 PM |
| 24.27.230.70 |
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Re: Wife dropped bomb -- what to do?
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I am sorry for this shock...Since you both agreed on your current volunteer/non profit path, I think you should ask for alimony. I'm not sure about the exact laws in regards to alimony but it certainly won't hurt to ask for it. She has put you in a horrible position, especially with the way the economy is. I think you are completely entitled to something to get your life back in order, find a job, etc.
I would file and ask for the house. I think its perfectly acceptable to want it to keep stability for your son, I do believe a judge would agree since it was she who basically ruined the marriage.
I don't think its fair for her to ask you to wait around while she plays house with someone else and thinks about it.... however you need to make sure this is what you want, so take some time to get over the initial shock, then really sit down and think about what you want.