SouthernSky922
Silver
Reged: 04/24/07
Posts: 55
Loc: South Carolina
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I was wondering if there was a specific age that if a child does not want to visit their father, that she does not have to go. He wants to get her this weekend and she is terribly upset because she wants to play in her softball tournament and he refuses to take her to her extracurricular activities. Thanks for reading.
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Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. -- Anonymous
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theanswerguy
Platinum
Reged: 04/12/07
Posts: 2143
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18
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Never let your sense of morals get in the way of doing what's right. Isaac Asimov
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jano
Platinum
Reged: 12/20/06
Posts: 719
Loc: south carolina
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I was told the age was 15. I have the same problem with a younger child. I go and pick her up and take her to the events. He tries to make her choose between him or the event. I took that away because I will pick her up attend the event, and return her to him when he allows her to come back.
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theanswerguy
Platinum
Reged: 04/12/07
Posts: 2143
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There is an allowance for a child to state their preference with which parent he/she would like to reside with if the court finds their wishes credible but court ordered visitation must be followed until the "child " is 18 . You are the one that can be held in contempt for not following the court order .
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Never let your sense of morals get in the way of doing what's right. Isaac Asimov
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gigi
Platinum
Reged: 11/06/06
Posts: 4779
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Jano, you & I have discussed this before & your case is different because the father refuses to see the kids under reasonable circumstances. However, for a standard case, if an extracurricular is going to interfere with a regular visit, it's appropraite for the parents to negotiate to find an alternative time for a visit. Whichever parent is committed to helping the child find a way to attend their extracurricular is going to be the one pushing to do the right thing and find an appropraite alternative time, and the parent who fusses & fumes & won't accomodate a change is going to be a jerk. But being a jerk is no reason to withhold thier visitation.
It's the parents' thing to work out, and the hard thing to accept is that if the event falls on the other parent's time with the kid, especially if that time is rare, like every othe rweekend, then the CP should not be encouraging the kid to think that they can ditch visitation just because of the event.
It's a tough situation, but children of intact families sometimes have to miss their team's tournament because of a family reunion, or their school play becuase of a family funeral, or band camp because their parent's summer vacation falls on that week. It simply happens & this is part of kids learning that some things are more important than others.
So, which is more important, her Dad or her volleyball game?
Make certain her dad is first, and when there's no longer the struggle over this type of issue, then there will no longer be a struggle over whether she'll go to the special event or not... her Dad will take her to it, himself... or she'll decide it's not that important, but once you've put her relationship with her daddy in it's proper place and not encouraged her to think that she can ditch him in favor o fher favorite activity, then your priorities will be in the right place, hers will, and he'll be free to consider whether he is willing to give up a few hours of one of his visits to allow her to be with someone other than himself. AND, most importantly, it'll be between him & her, and you won't be part of the negotiation any more.
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SouthernSky922
Silver
Reged: 04/24/07
Posts: 55
Loc: South Carolina
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Actually...it is very ugly in this situation. The father has supervised visitation with his mother conducting the supervision. It is very ugly. He also refuses to take our son to his T-ball games in which he will miss 1/2 of his T-ball season because his father will not take him. I just feel in the best interest of the child, he should let the children participate in their activities that they want to participate in.
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Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. -- Anonymous
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jano
Platinum
Reged: 12/20/06
Posts: 719
Loc: south carolina
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Children shouldn't loose their childhood and be excluded from things because the parents get a divorce.The child's feeling should be respected in this also. It is a tight rope that you have to walk to make sure each persons rights and feelings are respected. I realize you need to encourage the child to see their parent, but the parent should also be encouraged to respect the child's interest.
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mamabugg
New
Reged: 08/07/07
Posts: 2
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I thought I was the only one dealing with this. Softball is my daughters favorite thing to do and she is very very good at it. She would like to try to earn a collage scollarship playing softball. But her father always give us a hard time about it. acusses me of taking her away from him. But nothing is stopping him from taking her to her game and watching her play. WEven in court the judges said that each parent is responsible for getting the kids to their activities when theyt are with us. But that doesnt stop him from refusing to take her or making her feel guilty for wanting to play on his weekend. The child should not be in tears because a parent wants to be selfish and not allow the child do do the things that they really enjoy. They should enjoy watching their child have a good time and be proud of how they play the game and encourage them to do activities instead of thinking about only them selves!!!
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