Divorce Support Forums: The abusive female

How men are abused :

1. The destruction of the reputations of her victims. This is usually done in the first instance by carrying out a whispering campaign of false and malicious allegations amongst close friends of the perpetrator. This campaign is then broadened to friends of the victim. This has the effects of destroying the victims credibility and making the victim feel surrounded by hostility. The abuser has gathered a "gang" of supporters. The manipulation of the gang is often through seeking sympathy for some false charge against the abuser or, by telling gang members the victim has/or is planning, to do something against one or more members of the gang. Another technique is to discover what the victim loves to do and set out to destroy it. In the case of where the victim enjoys making or collecting things, for example. Personal damage to property is very common, or turning others against the victim so the victim can no longer participate in their chosen hobby or activity.

2. Vocal attacks. Having set the scene with the whispering campaign, the abuser and those she has manipulated now begin to vocalize their accusations. Often the stream of accusations will be deeply personal and tailored to create maximum fear in the victim. A male victim of this attack, for example, may be accused of being a child molester or rapist. He may be accused of attempting to start an affair with someone else's partner. Getting him fired from his job is another technique reported by victims. Even personal family members can be duped by female abusers into believing the "real" abuser is the victim.

3. Violent attacks. The female abuser will use violence in several different ways. She will often manipulate others to attack the victim on her behalf. This may involve angering other males with false allegations ( "He [the victim] said he wants to have sex with your little daughter. He said he is going to attack you one night when you come home from work. He said you are a homosexual," etc..). It may take the form of personal physical attacks on the victim; trying to goad him into hitting her so that charges will be brought. It may take the form of a false allegation to the police such as a rape allegation, child molestation allegation, etc.. Though not physically violent, these allegations, where they are false, are certainly violent in nature and are calculated to bring maximum fear and distress to the victim. Paying others to hurt her victim is also a means by which female abusers attack their partners, as is the administration of toxic or poisonous substances. Spitting into food is very common. Victims report commonly that they are ambushed by their abusers. Men are often violently attacked when they are sleeping, sitting on the toilet, have their backs turned to the victim, have children in their arms and are thus rendered powerless to defend themselves. The throwing of hot liquids such as fat, boiling water, coffee and tea etc.., are also reported often. Other weapons include; baseball bats, knives, forks, garden implements, pieces of wood or metal, household furniture items, car jack handles, plates and cups being thrown, etc..

4. Using children to abuse males. This is by far one of the most common and disgusting forms of abuse there is and it is an almost exclusively female form of abuse. Though there are always exceptions to every rule, the exceptions in this case are rare indeed.

All abusers, irrespective of gender, seek control over their victims. They actively look for things in the lives of their victims that are vulnerable to attack. For female abusers, the bond between a father and his children is a natural target for abuse. It is the one target that can reduce a man to a shadow of his former self within weeks. It can cement the abusers need for domination over her victim so solidly and so completely that he will do anything she desires of him . Abusers are well aware of this fatherly bond and the power of it. The bond is the perfect target and yes, they will often do all they can to destroy it. Just threatening to destroy it is often enough to guarantee a compliant victim. What is often even harder to bear is watching an abusive female turning the hearts of the children against the father.

5. Manipulation of the authorities. A sobbing female who appears to be in great distress can have a powerful effect on police officers and judges etc.. Female abusers are very aware of this. They will change from aggressive abusers to helpless looking "victims" at the drop of a hat. Untrained police officers etc. will easily be taken in. Tragically, this can result in the victim being arrested and removed from the house while the children are left behind with a female abuser. Within abusive relationships men report that female abusers are incredibly skilled at emotional and mental destruction of their victims. Constant false or exaggerated accusations can leave the victim feeling disoriented, confused, angry, fearful and depressed. This is amplified when the abuser has manipulated others into joining in with this abuse. Another technique that has been observed is the abuser will constantly criticise everything the victim tries to do with respect to the home, children, personal habits, work related matters, handling of money, personal appearance, hobbies and interests, friends, sexual performance, D.I.Y, personal tastes such as art, movies, television programs and on and on. The list is almost endless.

Personal verbal attacks that are designed to rob the victim of confidence are also very common. The victim will told over and over again that he is useless at anything he tries to do. Phrases such as, "Men are all stupid." "Men are all bastards." "Men only want one thing." Become personalised into, "You are stupid." "You are a [censored]." Etc. It would seem that the abuser is justifying herself by thinking that if society tolerates these sexist remarks against men there must be validity in her using them. However, she fails to see that by personalising them in this way she is being abusive.

Constant lying and deceit is another common theme male victims report.

6. Destruction of personal property. The abuser will empty a bank account or deliberately damage a vehicle so that it cannot be legally driven. Clothing will be destroyed. All techniques to prevent the victim being able to escape, or continue working, or socializing. The destruction of personal documents such as birth certificates, passports, photographs of loved ones, heirlooms, drivers licences and medical prescriptions is very common.

7. Threats . A common theme that male victims report are when the abuser makes threats to involve them in legal fights that will bankrupt them and cause them to lose their business or home if they do not conform to the abusers wishes. These threats may be anything from blackmail to removing the children to another state . A common threat is to throw the victim out of the house by falsely reporting abusive behaviour to the police. Using children as weapons of abuse is extraordinarily common. Self harming, false rape allegations, simulating fear of the victim and then calling the police are also reported techniques.

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Never let your sense of morals get in the way of doing what's right. Isaac Asimov