needoptions
New
Reged: 06/26/07
Posts: 6
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My husband and I have been arguing for over two years now. We have three kids, 10, 6, 5. We have lived in our area for 5 years. I would like to file for divorce, but this may have many complexities. As short background, I was in an auto accident and was convicted of agg. dui. I am on probation, and having been doing everything I am supposed to do. I have also been a stay-at-home mom for the past 7 years and have no income of my own. The stress level in this house is adversely affecting my 10 year old daughter, who happens to be very precocious for her age and knows everything that is going on. My husband is very controlling, has taken my cell phone, and is probably in the process of hiding assets. He will use the conviction in a way to "punish" me. He is also out of the house 12+ hours a day for work. What options would I have as far as any negative consequences possibly in court? Would my conviction have an adverse affect against "custody"?, would he be required to pay spousal support as it was agreed between us for me to be home with the kids so we don't have "latchKey" kids? At this point my income earning potential is not great, as I cannot drive (yet), my kids will be starting school again in September, 2 going all day (out at 3:15) and one in K getting off bus as 12:00 p.m. Would need child care, which a part-time job would eat up! I can go on and on and on, but I have had enough with his pettiness and things always having to be his way, etc. Cannot live this way. He has also refused to go to marriage counseling, as "I" have all the problems, and he is perfect. Would a divorce be worth it? Should I live in hell until my kids are in school full-time with no access to a phone or funds? Believe it or not, this is just the gist. Any feedback and advice would be GREATLY appreciated; and other questions you may have will be forthcoming. Thanks.
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RemLex
Gold
Reged: 04/22/07
Posts: 146
Loc: Chicago, Illinois
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Check the phone book for divorce lawyers in your area. Makes some phone calls and see about getting in for a free consultation...It never hurts to find out what your rights are and he/she may be able to advise you on the asset hiding issue ( if thats what he is doing).
Have the two of you tried to get some type of personal or group counseling? That couldn't hurt either.
Start with a few calls to lawyers....sometimes you can get a conulstation over the phone ( since you have a driving issue) however, if you could get in there it's much better. You get a feel for the lawyer and they get a feel of you.
Good Luck
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~a clear conscience is the sign of a bad memory~
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needoptions
New
Reged: 06/26/07
Posts: 6
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That's what I'm going to do; however I was also looking to see if anyone had a "similar" experience and what that was, and what they might have experienced. Thanks.
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Samsung
Platinum
Reged: 06/14/07
Posts: 2222
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One important question: when you had the accident while intoxicated, were the kids with you?
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needoptions
New
Reged: 06/26/07
Posts: 6
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unfortunately, yes. but, and this may not make a difference, but we were coming home from a family function. that is the only time we go out. I guess it doesn't make a difference, because what happened, happened. The charges for driving with them were dropped.
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Samsung
Platinum
Reged: 06/14/07
Posts: 2222
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As my attorney told me, aggravated DUI WITH the kids in the car, is often a "smoking gun" to lose custody. Even with the charges dropped, there is certainly a record of it, and you couldn't deny it on the stand.
Have you seen an attorney? They would know best the prevailing attitude in your local family court.
Other than that, everything points to you being the primary parent.
Edited by Samsung (06/27/07 06:55 AM)
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jersey girl
Platinum
Reged: 08/07/06
Posts: 1646
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How long ago was your DUI and conviction?
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needoptions
New
Reged: 06/26/07
Posts: 6
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November 1, 2006 was conviction date, charged around May 20, 2006.
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Samsung
Platinum
Reged: 06/14/07
Posts: 2222
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When's the last time you had any alcohol of any kind? If you even have had 1 drink this year that someone could document, it could spell trouble. You need an attorney to present the proper course to take.
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needoptions
New
Reged: 06/26/07
Posts: 6
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I have, but only at home, and nothing lately. My husband also has been doing so even though he knows my probation states that I am not "supposed to be around it." Before we started "fighting" again, he would even give me some beers when he got home. He still buys it every few days (now being careful to pay cash only, so as to not leave a trail of receipts for his liquor purchases) and keeps it in a locked refrigerator so only he can have access to it. I was thinking of going through the garbage and pulling out all the bottles with his fingerprints on it. He has even gone so far as to take the empty boxes and garbage bags full of empty bottles to dispose of at his worksite. He knows that even with my "conviction" that this could be a factor for him too, yet he continues to do it. Should we go to court, his daily drinking will also be brought up and he knows that.
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jersey girl
Platinum
Reged: 08/07/06
Posts: 1646
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Ok - the hair on the back of my neck is standing up. You have a DUI conviction, he is toting bags of bottles to a job site and has a locked fridge?
It sounds like both of you need to be in counseling for alcohol abuse and all of the issues that it has brought into your life. My concern isn't him bringing up your drinking or vice versa. My concern is either one of you taking full custody of a child without facing that alcohol is a major part of your life and by extension your childs.
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annieonce
Platinum
Reged: 03/29/07
Posts: 221
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I'm with Jersey Girl on this one the point wasn't that you where coming from the family function but that you drank and were driving with your kids in the car. This divorce if you decide to go through with it is going to add presure on you maybe it would be a good thing to seek counceling and get some help.
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needoptions
New
Reged: 06/26/07
Posts: 6
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I need to do so for my probation, which I am in the process of doing. It may or may not matter, but I have been doing everything that the court has instructed me to do. I believe that with my compliance and the fact of my husband's daily excessive drinking, that the court would see things in a different matter. I am going to continue with the divorce and get custody, find the accounts he hid, ask for spousal support and obtain the necessities that I need in order to live.
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