JKplus2
New
Reged: 07/09/07
Posts: 15
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Hopefully this won't be too long. I'm married to a wonderful father that has a 4 yr old son. I started dating him the year his son was born, he hadn't heard from the mother so wasn't sure if he ever had a son. She told him she thought she was pregnant but he never heard from her after that. Almost a year after son was born, father gets sued for CS pending paternity. We had been dating for a year by this time. Right before son's 1st birthday, my DH sees him for the first time after paternity is established. EX then moves to N.C. because her husband is stationed there but deployed to Iraq for a year. After summer, she moves back here and allows DH every other weekend. No court order, just CS order.
A few months go by, DH sees his son off and on at her will. But this is more often than not because she doesn't work. Then she starts giving my DH trouble about seeing his son. DH files for custody/visitation. After paying an idiot attorney, we go for the court date, EX already has standard visiation papers (EOWE) drawn up by her attorney and DH's attorney tells him "this is the best you'll get from the judge, you better sign" DH does. AFter thats over, EX allows DH every other week summer visiation to go through summer until almost a year later. We love this and no one has problems, until she gets a new boyfriend (while married still). She starts wanting "her family" more time with son. takes every other week away for every other weekend again. Longer story short, she goes back and forth regarding visitation about every month, changing it. Son is now 4 years old and DH filed to modify custody. He wants full physical custody. DH and I got married in 2005, she is not married but dating. She has two kids with two different fathers, now pregnant with a third child with current bf. She shaves mohawks and puts color in son's hair, starting at age 2!! She's moved roughly 10 times in 3 years and mostly lives with family.
There is so much more detail and I'm sure I have really confused everyone so please ask many questions. Basically, we now have a trial date set and are willing to settle out of court with joint custody but only if DH is primary parent. What evidence should we bring to the table? We have letters from her that are threatening DH about visitation with son so we hope they help. Any adivice for evidence would be great. Or any advice on schedules would be great.
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Samsung
Platinum
Reged: 06/14/07
Posts: 2020
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You posted nothing that would compel a court/judge to award you primary custody. At the same time, if ordered parenting time is being denied, contempt charges must be procured everytime if you want it to change.
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JKplus2
New
Reged: 07/09/07
Posts: 15
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It's not me who is going for primary custody, its my husband. So you are saying he has no chance of getting joint legal or even joint physical?
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Samsung
Platinum
Reged: 06/14/07
Posts: 2020
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Judges are extremely reluctant to separate siblings. There would have to be neglect or abuse by her, for your husband to get physical custody. That being said, there's no reason your husband would not get joint legal custody, and court ordered parenting time.
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JKplus2
New
Reged: 07/09/07
Posts: 15
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If there is no abuse or neglect by my husband, why wouldn't they give him physical custody?
That being said, we would settle for joint physical and joint legal if she were willing to work with us on that, unless she chooses to proceed with court.
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Samsung
Platinum
Reged: 06/14/07
Posts: 2020
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I understand where you are coming from. Logic dictates that parenting time should be shared. Logic often does not apply in family law.
What's already been established is your husband is the non-custodial parent, with limited parenting time. In order to change this, judges barely look at what you have to offer, or why you want more time. Instead, they look at why they should reduce the time of the custodial parent. From there, abuse and neglect are really the only categories they consider. If you can't prove either of these, judges are reluctant to change the parenting order. Getting custodial changes are uncommon, to say the least, because of this criteria. To add, family courts greatly vary from state to state, county to county, and judge to judge. Laws are set up in a "grey" area, so the prevailing attitude of your area comes though. What this means, is the identical set of circumstances can result in completely different results, and both be supported by the law. With that being said, have you spoken to an attorney? In my area, from you described, the chances of a custody change are probably 1/100 at best. It could be very different in your area.
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JKplus2
New
Reged: 07/09/07
Posts: 15
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if the non-custodial parent is trying all this to want to see the child more, why would a judge not look at that and rather look at why should they reduce the other parents time? Courts are messed up if thats the case.
We have an attorney and are getting our ducks in a row. She's confident we have a chance but I'm sure any attorney would be.
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Samsung
Platinum
Reged: 06/14/07
Posts: 2020
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If your attorney feels you have a chance, then you probably do. Most will not take a case if they feel there is no chance of winning.
One of the reason the laws are the way they are, is they were initially set up long ago, when moms stayed at home, and dads worked outside the home. Of course, that has changed in our culture today. But, when legislators attempt to change the laws, they get bashed by groups that dont want change as anti-woman, and anti-child.....their fight for what's right ends up as political suicide. Good luck in your case.
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adrenaline
Platinum
Reged: 03/21/06
Posts: 3892
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[quote]If your attorney feels you have a chance, then you probably do. Most will not take a case if they feel there is no chance of winning.
[/quote]
Unless your attorney knows you have money to burn. Be extremely careful.
--------------------
The problem isn't the game; it is that nobody knows the rules.
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Jada
Platinum
Reged: 06/02/07
Posts: 3237
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[quote]Hopefully this won't be too long. I'm married to a wonderful father that has a 4 yr old son. I started dating him the year his son was born, he hadn't heard from the mother so wasn't sure if he ever had a son. She told him she thought she was pregnant but he never heard from her after that. Almost a year after son was born, father gets sued for CS pending paternity. We had been dating for a year by this time. Right before son's 1st birthday, my DH sees him for the first time after paternity is established. EX then moves to N.C. because her husband is stationed there but deployed to Iraq for a year. After summer, she moves back here and allows DH every other weekend. No court order, just CS order.
A few months go by, DH sees his son off and on at her will. But this is more often than not because she doesn't work. Then she starts giving my DH trouble about seeing his son. DH files for custody/visitation. After paying an idiot attorney, we go for the court date, EX already has standard visiation papers (EOWE) drawn up by her attorney and DH's attorney tells him "this is the best you'll get from the judge, you better sign" DH does. AFter thats over, EX allows DH every other week summer visiation to go through summer until almost a year later. We love this and no one has problems, until she gets a new boyfriend (while married still). She starts wanting "her family" more time with son. takes every other week away for every other weekend again. Longer story short, she goes back and forth regarding visitation about every month, changing it. Son is now 4 years old and DH filed to modify custody. He wants full physical custody. DH and I got married in 2005, she is not married but dating. She has two kids with two different fathers, now pregnant with a third child with current bf. She shaves mohawks and puts color in son's hair, starting at age 2!! She's moved roughly 10 times in 3 years and mostly lives with family.
There is so much more detail and I'm sure I have really confused everyone so please ask many questions. Basically, we now have a trial date set and are willing to settle out of court with joint custody but only if DH is primary parent. What evidence should we bring to the table? We have letters from her that are threatening DH about visitation with son so we hope they help. Any adivice for evidence would be great. Or any advice on schedules would be great. [/quote]
You haven't posted anything that a judge would consider grounds for changing the status quo.
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