downandout
New
Reged: 07/13/07
Posts: 22
|
|
Just moved in two days ago,STBX and 9yr and 12yr girls are staying in the house I built,not bought but built over the course of several years,nicest house in the neighborhood.My drinking and smoking finally pushed her over the edge with no chance of reconciliation.I know what the law says 50/50 and all and with our assets I think I can expect a more realistic 60/40,with the least amount of litigation.Problem is I don't want to fight cuz it will get ugly I know.I just know yrs down the road,knowing some guy is working in my shop sleeping in my bedroom after I gave in to less than 50/50 will kill me.P.S.just venting outloud but I felt I had to leave so the kids wouldn't be displaced.Anyone else out there that can relate?
|
PinkRose
Platinum
Reged: 07/09/07
Posts: 1761
Loc: Not sure!!!
|
|
Down, why do you expect 60/40? I am hoping
for that too but I don't know if I will get it.
I really do not want to go the contested route.
Sorry you are going through this.
--------------------
I'm a living sunset... there's light in my bones. You can push me to the edge, but my will is stone!
|
adrenaline
Platinum
Reged: 03/21/06
Posts: 3892
|
|
[quote]Just moved in two days ago,STBX and 9yr and 12yr girls are staying in the house I built,not bought but built over the course of several years,nicest house in the neighborhood.My drinking and smoking finally pushed her over the edge with no chance of reconciliation.I know what the law says 50/50 and all and with our assets I think I can expect a more realistic 60/40,with the least amount of litigation.Problem is I don't want to fight cuz it will get ugly I know.I just know yrs down the road,knowing some guy is working in my shop sleeping in my bedroom after I gave in to less than 50/50 will kill me.P.S.just venting outloud but I felt I had to leave so the kids wouldn't be displaced.Anyone else out there that can relate? [/quote]
Your reasoning is understandable, but make sure that you can do this realistically I mean are you going to be able to afford this for the rest of the childhoods. What will happen if you can't? Sometimes we need to remember reality and just know that change is going to happen, and just make change as easy as possible. Know what I mean?
--------------------
The problem isn't the game; it is that nobody knows the rules.
|
downandout
New
Reged: 07/13/07
Posts: 22
|
|
Down, why do you expect 60/40? I am hoping
for that too but I don't know if I will get it.
I really do not want to go the contested route.
Thats just what it works out to,give or take.I'm just hearing alot of "Man don't let her walk all over you" "you better go get yourself an attorney and be prepared for battle etc.I know I need an attorney but was hoping that they just have to fill in and reveiw the paperwork.I've had so much agony so far don't want anymore,but don't want to feel like a chump either.Does that make sense???
|
PinkRose
Platinum
Reged: 07/09/07
Posts: 1761
Loc: Not sure!!!
|
|
So sorry for you Down. I feel like I am in a war
and I don't want to be in a war. I cannot trust
my STBX. There is misconduct for my case for
whatever it is worth.
I hope things turn out for you - but do not
give away 'the farm'.
You do need a Family Law attorney.
--------------------
I'm a living sunset... there's light in my bones. You can push me to the edge, but my will is stone!
|
downandout
New
Reged: 07/13/07
Posts: 22
|
|
but do not
give away 'the farm'.
You do need a Family Law attorney.
Well said,The reality is if I don't I won't be able to live with myself,if I find out later that trying to save a couple bucks really cost me everything.Don't know way I am fearing what is probubly the inevitable.
|
Jada
Platinum
Reged: 06/02/07
Posts: 3320
|
|
[quote]Just moved in two days ago,STBX and 9yr and 12yr girls are staying in the house I built,not bought but built over the course of several years,nicest house in the neighborhood.My drinking and smoking finally pushed her over the edge with no chance of reconciliation.I know what the law says 50/50 and all and with our assets I think I can expect a more realistic 60/40,with the least amount of litigation.Problem is I don't want to fight cuz it will get ugly I know.I just know yrs down the road,knowing some guy is working in my shop sleeping in my bedroom after I gave in to less than 50/50 will kill me.P.S.just venting outloud but I felt I had to leave so the kids wouldn't be displaced.Anyone else out there that can relate? [/quote]
So have you gone out and joined AA? You need to stop drinking(smoking isn't healthy for you, either). For yourself and for your kids. And you will need the support that you can get from AA to help you stop drinking.
While giving up drinking isn't going to save your marriage, it will show your kids that you are taking responsibility for your actions and stopping something that is very unhealthy.
|
HardKnox
Platinum
Reged: 06/13/07
Posts: 2731
Loc: Wisconsin
|
|
[quote]I just know yrs down the road, knowing some guy is working in my shop sleeping in my bedroom after I gave in to less than 50/50 will kill me.[/quote]
Just curious....what will it matter if you settled 50/50 or 60/40? Won't the same guy be working in your shop and sleeping in your bedroom? PLUS, now you'll have ADDED the ugliness.
I'm in the same boat as you. I know I did wrong, what with the smoking and drinking and all. And sure, AA (or some other alternate alcoholism counseling) isn't a bad idea if you're REALLY going in the tank and hitting the bottle. You have to think of your daughters, too.
Be careful. After you move out and there's no one to watch you you could REALLY start hitting the bottle. Might not be a bad time to take up a hobby or start an exercize program. I fully 100% understand the lure of drinking. It's hard to control and some folks just CAN'T control it all and have to abstain completely.
For me, I don't care if my settlement is 50/50 or 60/40 or whatever. I can make money easier than my STBX. I want her to have a nice apartment and be relatively financially secure, at least to the extent I can provide. It's not worth the fight.
|
LoveChild
Platinum
Reged: 05/19/07
Posts: 285
|
|
[quote]For me, I don't care if my settlement is 50/50 or 60/40 or whatever. I can make money easier than my STBX. I want her to have a nice apartment and be relatively financially secure, at least to the extent I can provide. It's not worth the fight. [quote]
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I don't understand the comment that you can make money easier than your STBX. Does that somehow entitle her to your money?
Why do you feel the obligation to 'provide' for her even though you won't be married?
This is the way many women feel, as if we have deprived them of a career, when actually they never had any career aspirations.
|
HardKnox
Platinum
Reged: 06/13/07
Posts: 2731
Loc: Wisconsin
|
|
Nah. It's not guilt. I still care for her immensely. Like I have posted before in this forum, I'm not GOING to drag around a sack-full of guilt, and anger, and hatred.
Sometimes it just doesn't "work out", you know?
At least, I don't THINK it's guilt.....maybe you have a point there.
|
Previous
Index
Next
Threaded
Edit
Reply
Quote
