Hello, I have been married for 7 months now but have been waiting for 6 months so that I can file for divorce. I PCS'd to california in February so I had to wait until now to file for divorce. I haven't filed yet but i have spoken to base legal. Anyway, let me go back in time. The only reason I married this girl is because she got pregnant during Thanksgiving. I believe that she stopped taking birth control because she knew that I was PCSing to California and it was a pathetic attempt to stay with me. I had told her that I would move first and then send for her later (But my plan was to just move on with my life). We ended up losing the baby so I have no attachment to her whatsoever. I pretty much have no feelings for her anymore and I am so unhappy having her around. She doesn't work or do anything except go to school. The problem is that when I say that it is over and that I want a divorce she gets all suicidal and crazy. I don't know how to take care of this situation and I am trying to seek advice from anyone. I thought that she could move back to her hometown but she has nothing there. She has nothing here in California either but she says that she has nothing. I would like to divorce her and help her finish school and move on with her life but for her her life is with me or nothing. I have never been stuck in a situation like this before but I need to move on with my life! Thanks in advance for any help.
What did the military legal aide tell you? 7 months married, means you would not have to pay much in the way of spousal support, if any.
It sounds like you want to try to do the right thing by her, and I applaud that. You however can not allow her threats of suicide to deter you from obtaining a divorce, since that is what it sounds like you want to do.
I won't even bother going into why you didn't use a condom. Yes, she was on birth control, but there are other reasons to use one, beside insuring a pregnancy doesn't happen. It certainly would have saved you a lot of hassle and grief. That however is water under the bridge.
If you are living on base, what steps do you need to take to get her out of the base housing? If you are living off of base, consider finding another place for yourself and inform her that the rent is paid up until "X" date.
If she wants to stay in California, she will need to get a job, it is very expensive here....I know, I live in Calfornia. If she decides she might as well go back home, buy her plane ticket for her and wish her well.
Just don't allow her to use the emotional blackmail of suicide. This may sound harsh, but trust me, if someone is really serious about taking their life, they will.
Next time around, don't expect the woman to be responsible for the birth control, the man is equally responsible and you also need to protect yourself from STD's and AIDS.
Hello! My advice to you would be to send her to therapy. You might need some too. Not as a couple but as indviduals. She needs to dettach herself from you and realize that it is over. She needs to move on with her life and might not know how. On the other hand you need to learn how to deal with her and her "suicidal threats". You will not need to pay allimony support for her, you haven't been married long enough. This is just a matter of you having the courage to file for divorce and waiting 6 months for it to take effect. Use those 6 months for your advantage. Tell her she will have 6 months to get a hold of herself and it is really over after that. In the mean time under the Law she is still your wife and you are still responsible for her, so think carefully and cover your self. I hope this helps. ~Best of Luck!
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