hs4kids
Gold
Reged: 07/27/07
Posts: 103
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i had a 1 yr restraining order against my husband,he violated and had to go to court today. he has been feeding bullshit and lies all weekend. i'll go to counceling,i love you,im sorry...all the bull and i fell for it..i dropped the restraining order against everyone's advise..i wanted to believe my husband...i even paid his $120 fine for the violation and told the d a i did not want him to go to jail...he told my children we were going to work things out and be a family again...we hung out for a while after court...he told me he loved me and all the same bla bla bla...later he text me and told me he had a girlfriend and was still seeing her kinda...in his words...havent heard from him since...this was hours ago...he wont answer his phone for me or his kids...have text him and get no reply...what have i done?????
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gigi
Platinum
Reged: 11/06/06
Posts: 4836
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You have tried to use the system to get something you wanted, and allowed to convince him of what you wanted, to the point where you were willing to do the wrong thing according to the law. I mean, in dropping the restraining order and the prosecution, you had to tell them that it was all exaggerated, or something similar, didn't you?
I get so frustrated when a woman does this, becasue at some point the people in the system won't know whether she's telling the truth when she says he beat her, or whether she's telling the truth when she says it never happened.
Next time, call police and get a restraining order ONLY if he has done somethign threatening. Don't let him break the restrining order just to wine & dine & bribe you (and if you really were afraid of him, you'd not have spent this much time with him over the weekend, so he's probably right, you probably did NOt need a restraining order). And if it's just an issue of you wanting him out of the house, file for divorce & temporary orders giving you the house & keeping him out.
No dismissing crimes just because you love him. You have children to think about. if you were being truthful in the first instance and he had been violent & you feared more violence, then you are wrong to have let him near you again. If you were being reasonable in letting him near you, then you should not have gotten the restraining order in the first place.
The ultimate result is that the restraining order is gone and hopefully you are safe. Your next move is to file for divorce without using a restraining order as a tactic to get him out or squeeze a better settlement out of him. If he is not violent and you are willing to let him come around & talk to you & the kids all weekend, then don't think of restraining orders, but rather think of just filing the divorce paperwork & doing it the right and calm & NON-threatening way.
And next time someone is violent with you or any loved one, don't let them weasel out of the criminal consequences by promising love. Love is not a good enough reason to take back a man who is scary out of control violent.
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stargazer40201
New
Reged: 08/20/07
Posts: 9
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It's tough when your caught up with an abusive partner and it can seem impossible to break free from, my only advice is bite the bullet and do it! if he is abusive and manipulative and you keep getting pulled back into a relationship you don't want to be in the only thing you can do is cut all ties as much as possible untill you are clear headed enough to be able to communicate with him without getting drawn back in. It sucks but we really do create our own reality and people treat us in a way we allow ourselves to be treated. get lots of counselling and good luck.
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jbar
Platinum
Reged: 12/16/06
Posts: 987
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...if you really were afraid of him, you'd not have spent this much time with him over the weekend, so he's probably right, you probably did NOt need a restraining order...
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Right. This makes one wonder how often the restraining order is not really needed or justified, but merely something which the woman uses as a controlling tool against the man. As easy as these orders are to get, and as often as controlling shrews seem to like to get them, is it any wonder that many men are paranoid and resentful about this?
Many women believe that some man is supposed to be their own, personal slave, and that it is the responsibility of the law to ensure this. Is it really surprising, then, that so many men are finally waking up and revolting against this simbiotic conspiracy, between demagogic politicians and greedy women, to defraud men out of their natural and civil rights? Is it surprising that they are, more and more, revolting against this process when it is combined with the simultaneous making--or saving--of enormous amounts of money for the state, at the man's expense, and to the profit of lawyers who take the man "coming and going", in their roles as the politicians who make the subject laws, the judges who administer them, and the attorneys who get rich arguing over them?!
Can anyone think of a more degenerate, corrupt or vile situation?
My favorite bumper sticker:
MARRIAGE IS A PARTNERSHIP!
Between the Woman and the State
Edited by jbar (08/21/07 07:52 AM)
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jersey girl
Platinum
Reged: 08/07/06
Posts: 1513
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See, jbar, this is the kind of thinking that gets people in real trouble caught up. Instead of calling one woman on her behavior, you are going to make a gross generalization about most women and restraining orders.
Not fair on either end.
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mistake#2
Platinum
Reged: 07/19/06
Posts: 3136
Loc: Florida
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Don't consider yourself a fool...consider yourself lucky! If you had good reason for that restraining order and he had the ability to talk you out of it, what was going to happen the next time a threatening situation arose? I'm doing a lot of assuming here but don't you think you are better off without him?
I never called the police on my abusive 2nd ex...I always figured it wasn't THAT bad (I didn't know he was abusing my kids too when I was at work or school). I threatened to leave if he didn't get help, many times. What finally put me over the edge though was his cheating. That was when I knew he was never going to change. Then the kids opened up, there was no turning back no matter how much he begged after that.
Go to counseling. If you are ever put in an abusive situation again, don't exaggerate it or lie that it didn't happen...it hurts all domestic violence victims credibility.
I saw this all the time in court and the worst case I saw was when the woman went back, her abuser broke both her arms and her collar bone. She went back to him after that too.
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**2 1/2 weeks to go...should start counting down the days**
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hs4kids
Gold
Reged: 07/27/07
Posts: 103
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for one thing all contact was over the phone...he was telling my 16 and 18 yr old kids he was going to ang himself...my kids were te4rrified and so was i...we have just lost a close friend a week ago...he hung himself in jail at age 22!!!!
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hs4kids
Gold
Reged: 07/27/07
Posts: 103
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i consider myself both lucky and a fool.....all contact was over the phone and thru my children whom he constantly places in the middle of all this!!!i trusted the man i was with for 18 years whom had always been mentally abisive but only recently physical....he knew all the right things to say...swore he was no longer using steroids,said he would check himself into an inpatient treatmrnt center that day...told my children and myself he was going to hang himself...my children were blaming me...i caved... i was wrong....i trusted him and let him manipulate me and my children again...i wanted the man i married back and clearly i have learned he is no longer that man...i am now back to starting all over and trying to move on...i have a hearing on monday to try to reinstate the old restraining order...pray for me and my children we need it....
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