mistake#2
Platinum
Reged: 07/19/06
Posts: 3139
Loc: Florida
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With your childrens ages it shouldn't be too hard to now start a new job...youngest one may only be in school half day but the other children are old enough to go all day. So daycare might be an issue for the youngest.
Curious how long you expected to be a stay at home mom for?
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**2 1/2 weeks to go...should start counting down the days**
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NeiJean
New
Reged: 03/14/07
Posts: 9
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Well, first let me point out that I never was the type of person to become financially dependent upon someone. I quit working initially to care for his son from his first marriage, and soon thereafter, my first child was born. He was gone a lot, and we moved for his career a few times, making it very difficult for me to pursue a solid career. In addition, when I did work or go to school outside the home, he would become extremely jealous, making things up to accuse me of. Even though I would never cheat, I was treated as though I had already done so. This is when the abusive crap came out the most. I always put the marriage before my own needs, and sacrificed my career to make things work. I found ways to succeed in spite of this, and found jobs working from home, and earned a degree through an online program, within a context that worked for our marriage. This also enabled me to be there the kids, so I 'made lemonade', making it work. During this time, his income soared, while mine is entry level.
I actually had hoped to go back to work soon. What I'm trying to do now, is to do everything wisely, which is why I appreciate the feedback on this forum so much. As Jada pointed out, my attorney suggested that I not necessarily go to work right now. Also, after his pressure kept me Out of the formal work force for so long, now he demands that he'll only cooperate IF I have a job. The job is just one game he will play; he'll keep coming up with more excuses, as I meet one demand, there will be more. So it becomes very confusing, particularly when I'm trying so hard to maintain stability for the children.
Anyway, as mentioned in my previous post, I just accepted an offer, so this decision is made. Although it's not much compared to his income, having my own income will remove at least some of his manipulative ability. In my state, it is very difficult to force him out of the house, and it would be so bad for the kids to have me return to work, have their parents divorcing, and to have to move out of their home. I have already moved to the other room. His games will get worse, and I'm just trying to find my way out.
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tractormom
Silver
Reged: 06/11/07
Posts: 67
Loc: Nassau coutny, NY
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gee it almost sounds like my house. First off; he is playing a game! and I bet he is good at it. It wont be easy, but you must do what you can t avoid him. have you retained an attorney? If so, report his activity to your attorney.
You must do what you can to avoid him. While he is at home, leave, go out, take your daughter with you.
He can't argue with someone who wont fight back.
Tractormom
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colady
Bronze
Reged: 08/30/07
Posts: 38
Loc: Colorado
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I know these posts are old but damn, this is my life too!! Why do we make such stupid mistakes for the man we thought we would be with the rest of our lives? I have a degree as well but its kinda old and I need to "renew" it by going back to school.
He is STILL living here and even my girls comment they are tired of him acting like everything is NORMAL..does he not get it that he is indeed hurting the kids by doing this?? Well if he keeps it up, eventually he will hang himself and they will find out what kind of a person he really is.
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KEL
New
Reged: 08/08/07
Posts: 4
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WOW...sounds similar to my situation. I'm not quite where you are at yet, but I wondered how I would get him out of the house (since I have no where to go)and I've thought about moving to another bedroom. My husband is emotionally and verbally abusive and seems bent on hurting me and our marriage. I am a work at home mom with two small businesses in CA and have been married 13 years. I dont make enough to support our 2 kids and the bills. Please let us know how it turns out for you.
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