Shari566
New
Reged: 10/02/07
Posts: 1
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Hello,
This is my first post here and I'm not sure if I'm in the right forum, but I thought I would try it and see.
My husband and I, married for almost 15 years and with a 9 year old daughter, have decided to separate. Is there anyone here that lives with their soon to be ex? We are trying that and are both wondering if this could really work out.
Financially, neither one of us can go out on our own yet, plus neither of us could afford our current home on our own. There hasn't been any abuse and for the most part, we are very respectful of one another. I have made our spare room into my room with my husband keeping the room we used to share together. We came up with our own schedule -- who takes what night to be responsible for our daughter, which leaves the other parent the opportunity to go to a local divorce recovery meeting, church or just to get out with other family members, etc.
I am self-employed and would have a hard time affording medical insurance on my own - I am currently carried on his policy. My husband and I agree that if we live separately, our daughter needs to be with me. His first marriage ended in a bitter divorce and he lost valuable time with his children. He wants to continue to be involved in the day-to-day activities of our daughter and living together will allow that to continue.
We are in the process of splitting up our bills and getting our finances separated from each other too.
So... does anyone have any experience with this? Can this be done? Is this only a short term solution? Any advice or information anyone has would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you
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PinkRose
Platinum
Reged: 07/09/07
Posts: 1754
Loc: Not sure!!!
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I did it for 7 months and I regret it but I was
treated with extreme disrespect and emotional
cruelty. It is hard to move forward when you
are stagnated. For me, I put myself through
extreme emotional torture.
Good luck to you.
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I'm a living sunset... there's light in my bones. You can push me to the edge, but my will is stone!
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KGrow
Platinum
Reged: 01/27/06
Posts: 3110
Loc: Colorado
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Most couples who can manage to cohabitate don't bother to get divorced. What has brought you to the decision to divorce?
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jbar
Platinum
Reged: 12/16/06
Posts: 988
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the problem here is getting the court to grant you a divorce, while your BEHAVIOR (to their way of thinking )indicates that you don't really want one badly enough to justify it.
Before you actually start divorce action you will have to have seperate residences, at least in Texas. This is largely to avoid the possibility of a court passing its "official blessing" on FORNICATION--yes, still against the law!
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Jada
Platinum
Reged: 06/02/07
Posts: 3240
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[quote]the problem here is getting the court to grant you a divorce, while your BEHAVIOR (to their way of thinking )indicates that you don't really want one badly enough to justify it.
Before you actually start divorce action you will have to have seperate residences, at least in Texas. This is largely to avoid the possibility of a court passing its "official blessing" on FORNICATION--yes, still against the law! [/quote]
People have gotten divorced while living in the same house. It is not unheard of.
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theanswerguy
Platinum
Reged: 04/12/07
Posts: 2147
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You can do anything you like as both of you agree . If neither party can afford the house put it up for sale and find suitable housing near each other . BTW , where do you live ? It sounds weird but a few states do have some bizarre laws about exspouses cohabitting .
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Never let your sense of morals get in the way of doing what's right. Isaac Asimov
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pinkie
New
Reged: 07/03/07
Posts: 22
Loc: Massachusetts
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I tried it for 3 months and realized that if I didn't make him leave we would wind up hating each other. For the kids sake we are trying to keep it civil. I hate him for what he is doing (he wants the divorce) but deep in my heart I still love him and for me I couldn't have him in the same house.
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kent
Platinum
Reged: 06/13/07
Posts: 2968
Loc: a melted glacier
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My ex-wife and I lived together for the WHOLE process and even one month after the judge signed the docs.
Part of it was harder, but I do think in the long run it gave some help.
When my ex-wife would enter her "funks" and yell at me more, it gave me a reminder of WHY this was happening. It gave me an additional date to look forward to.
It is HARD to live with the STBX during the process. I do not know if I would say it is a good thing, but it is what some of us have to do.
For some people it adds complications. If you do live together, you need to remember what your relationship IS and becoming NOT what it was.
It is a short term solution.
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Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.
Dr. Seuss
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Cie1416
New
Reged: 10/23/07
Posts: 1
Loc: NJ
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I have been living me my Ex since we filed for divorce and am still living with him after the divorce is final. He will not leave the house and is making my life miserable and that of his kids miserable.
The only way this works out is if you are friends and can agree to be civil to one another. If you think there will be the slightest problems then put the home on the market to sell it as fast as you can. I am stuck in a living nightmare and we can't sell the home he won' t pay the bills. I just got a job but there is no way for me to possibly pay the mtg, taxes and other expenses here. My children aren't getting proper meals because I don't have the money. My Ex has a business that he makes well over $130,000 per year but doesn't have to pay me alimony or child support until the home sells. This real estate market is killing me. I can't wait to sell and move on with my life. This is killing me and my kids but the Ex doesn't care as long as he kills me all is good.
GOOD LUCk
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chattycthy
Silver
Reged: 07/21/07
Posts: 53
Loc: Ohio
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What the heck..why is he not paying CS?? I am in the same position and mine pays CS..i have sole custody and live in the house and he pays the bills. We are miserable too! I can't wait to get the equity from the house. As soon as I do I am buying a place for myself and the kids.Our divorce is supposed to be final soon. I hope I dont have to wait long to get out!
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Can't wait to start my life over again! Im gonna take a lot less crap next time!!
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