cherishu
New
Reged: 09/17/07
Posts: 8
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I filed in June due to years of lies/deceiption/and alcohol/drug abuse. Was in counseling several times without any change. He had requested to divorce back in Sept. but decided to not file because he wanted to make it appear I am the "bad" guy. We have one child. He has not particpated in our childs upbringing (special needs child) only has contributed financially. Now I am living in a home where he is not being forced to leave, though I have proven emotional abuse. I am not financially able to get out on my own without some money from our home.
My biggest question is....am I the ONLY one in this state that is required to live like this? He is allowed to come and go as he pleases while I am working parttime, full time childcare (child is in school)but he is with me the rest of the time.
Just curious I guess. I feel pretty confused and alone.
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Samsung
Platinum
Reged: 06/14/07
Posts: 2108
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Your choice is the same as his: to leave the family home. Your choice is stay, as is his. He has the exact circumstances as yourself.
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cherishu
New
Reged: 09/17/07
Posts: 8
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No it is NOT my choice. It is COURT ORDERED for me to remain in the home..I am not allowed to abandon. I am NOT allowed to take our child.... my question was....are others made to remain in their home...court ordered...
BUT hey thanks for the compassionate response...
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chattycthy
Silver
Reged: 07/21/07
Posts: 53
Loc: Ohio
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yes. I am another just like yourself. It's a nightmare! I told him in Nov I wanted the divorce. We are still living together. Worst nightmare of my entire life! My next hearing isn't till Nov 19th. You'll get tougher as time goes on. You deserve to be there more than him. If he doesn't leave..it's his choice. I think the arguements are tough on the kids though. It is hard not to want to shout off the roof tops sometimes that's the worst part.
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Can't wait to start my life over again! Im gonna take a lot less crap next time!!
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Samsung
Platinum
Reged: 06/14/07
Posts: 2108
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Your situation is common when there are children involved. It is rare when there isn't. Ultimately, the view of the courts is the child has the right to live in the home, and get the benefit of both parents, until it is deemed who has custody. Whoever gets custody, then almost always gets the house with it. Whether they can afford to buy the other parent out is often complicated, but that's not what you were asking about.
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cherishu
New
Reged: 09/17/07
Posts: 8
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[quote]yes. I am another just like yourself. It's a nightmare! I told him in Nov I wanted the divorce. We are still living together. Worst nightmare of my entire life! My next hearing isn't till Nov 19th. You'll get tougher as time goes on. You deserve to be there more than him. If he doesn't leave..it's his choice. I think the arguements are tough on the kids though. It is hard not to want to shout off the roof tops sometimes that's the worst part. [/quote]
Well we have no arguements. We do not talk to eachother at all....I have tried to explain that my husband does not participate in our childs life. I am the one who takes him to school, picks him up (fortunately my job is very understanding) and then he and I are up stairs in the evenings doing homework. My husband comes and goes wherever/whenever he wants. My child has special needs so it complicates things, but I have gotten a bit easier with the knowledge that this one day will be over with.
He may desire to buy me out, but he is being so stubborn with every issue...I just don't know if I even want to allow him to. I would not beable to afford the home..and the custody issue has not been decided yet either. ....
It is very difficult to live this way..but helps knowing I am not the only one....
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chattycthy
Silver
Reged: 07/21/07
Posts: 53
Loc: Ohio
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Suprising same situation. Mine doesn't really do anything w/kids either. I do all the commuting, interacting, cleaning etc at this point. He lives in basement. He goes to the gym when they come home and returns long after dark. I can't afford the house. Looks like mine wants to buy me out. I can't wait to separate either.
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Can't wait to start my life over again! Im gonna take a lot less crap next time!!
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cherishu
New
Reged: 09/17/07
Posts: 8
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It is miserable isn't it chattycthy...I too can NOT wait to just be apart!!!!!
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chattycthy
Silver
Reged: 07/21/07
Posts: 53
Loc: Ohio
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Yes... it is real miserable. Yesterday my lawyer explained unless there is domestic abuse or severe psycological abuse that he will not be ordered to leave. I won't get alimony till I move out. Our hearing is coming up on the 19th of nov. My lawyer said sit tight till we get an agreement on the equity amount, cs and alimony from him and his attourney. He doesn't want to pay alimony. I want to continue to work part time so that I can go back to school for a higher paying position and would need the alimony to do so. He got his masters degree while i took care of the kids and worked. I am not gonna work full time unless I get completely strapped. I already work 20hrs/week. This is more than I have ever worked during my married life. He expects me to go full time and lock myself into a days/nights positon working weekends and holidays as a floor nurse which i no longer have to do as I have a better position w/great hours which i earned. It is funny that I helped put him through anesthesia school so neither of us would have to do these shifts and holidays anymore. Now he tells a different story. I helped him and he doesn't want to do anything to make my life easier. He just wants out to go shack up w/his new lover. I think the kids see that. I have lost alot of respect for him and they will lose respect for him too if he continues to make bad choices for us. He should do right by us. It's funny how quickly people forget that commitment they made "for better or worse" and how much they cared for you and promised "till death do us part." You bail... you need to continue to support your family..it's your choice. I can't respect someone who refuses to support me after they cheated on me! He made the commitment for better or worse, death do us part...live up to that..you said it..I heard it! I think i'll get out the wedding video for a review. I feel good about myself..wonder how he feels about himself.
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Can't wait to start my life over again! Im gonna take a lot less crap next time!!
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