recruiter
New
Reged: 10/15/07
Posts: 1
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My wife of 13 years was caught in a year long affair with a subordinate at work. She kept her job but promised to end the relationship. Her boss put strict rules in place for the 2 of them. They continue to work together but she has refused to leave the job or have any physical interaction with me for over a year. We have 2 young children and I am not leaving them. This is getting unbearable. What are my options?
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theanswerguy
Platinum
Reged: 04/12/07
Posts: 2143
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Divorce or stay together . If you divorce there's a good chance she would be awarded primary custody of the kids .
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Never let your sense of morals get in the way of doing what's right. Isaac Asimov
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stoltz
Platinum
Reged: 01/29/07
Posts: 1478
Loc: Texas
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1. Do nothing - grin and bear it.
2. File for legal separation. I know very little about this approach, but hopefully someone with more experience/knowledge will chime in.
3. File for divorce and leave this woman.
For option #3 ...
Now, keep in mind that unless your wife is shown to be a danger to your kids, she will most likely be awarded custodial parent (CP). What this usually means is that you'll end up paying child support (CS) to her and become and every-other-weekend (EOW) father - IOW, see them 1-2 nights a week and every other weekend (IF SHE ALLOWS IT! **). Most likely the affair will have almost no bearing with regards to the divorce, child support, and child custody. I'm not saying this to scare you into staying with her - only what to expect as a father who wants his children but cannot stand his wife.
If your wife is civil and understands the children's need for their father in their lives on equitable terms, she will either award you the CP or be open to a favorable (for you) custody/support agreement. If not, the law is NOT on your side as a father.
(**) - CP's routinely make an "excuse" to miss having the NCP pick up the kids. This is illegal, of course, but is done a lot because the CP's realize the courts very rarely enforce the issue.
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MommaMia
Platinum
Reged: 02/17/07
Posts: 376
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[quote](**) - CP's routinely make an "excuse" to miss having the NCP pick up the kids. This is illegal, of course, but is done a lot because the CP's realize the courts very rarely enforce the issue. [/quote]
Or even more often, the NCP doesn't even take the parenting time they are given and the CP goes above and beyond to ensure that the kids get to have a relationship with both parents, only to have the kids let down again and again while the NCP blames the CP for the rest of their life.
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stoltz
Platinum
Reged: 01/29/07
Posts: 1478
Loc: Texas
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Or even more often, the NCP doesn't even take the parenting time they are given and the CP goes above and beyond to ensure that the kids get to have a relationship with both parents, only to have the kids let down again and again while the NCP blames the CP for the rest of their life.
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First, I'd like to see a non-biased report that shows this to be true. Does it happen? Yes. More often than not? I seriously, seriously doubt it. Of course, given the scant amount of time that many NCP's are court ordered to see their children, I'm sure some of them begin to drift apart from their children. Additionally, children themselves - especially teens - may start opting to go out with friends rather than see Dad. Again, SOME (not many, not most, and certainly not all).
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MommaMia
Platinum
Reged: 02/17/07
Posts: 376
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Happens just as often as your totally biased and bitter generalized statement.
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EZmark
Platinum
Reged: 06/04/07
Posts: 292
Loc: Florida
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There are too many statistics to prove what Stolts and Answerguy are saying. The courts are extremely biased against fathers. Most lawyers will tell you they see PAS in at least 50% of the cases, so you can expect the woman to begin alienating the children from you unless she is the exception, the court will enable her and she will do it for control and money. Also men get custody less that 10% in most states, so dads seeking releif from horrible women end up losing their house,retirement,bank accounts, credit, and ther kids, and do not get rid of the wife but end up paying them money and fighting to see the kids at all. Some give up and decide to save themselves, and then they are derided by mommamia. OK some M/F low lifes only care about themselves, but the deadbeat dad stereotype makes me as angry as the nurturing faithful mommy stereotype.
If you can stand it, for the kids sake, you need to prepare your case and protect yourself. You need to get everything in your name, get your assets squirreled away, lots of preps. Three years need to pass or it looks bad. Start on a tight budget, document everything. You need to be thinking evidence, establishing status quo. If you are that involved with the kids stay so, and make sure you do things with witnesses. If you divorce you're going in with everything overwhelmingly stacked against you so you need to do everything you can to help yourself or you will get scrwed. Get an atty to give you advice. Keep a calendar. Prepare. Don't give up, those kids need a father. The statistics also show what happens to kids that don't have dad to come to. Good Luck.
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jcwags123
New
Reged: 10/21/07
Posts: 8
Loc: cleveland, ohio
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sit her down and TALK!!! this is the source of alot of my problems; we dont talk, hold her, tell her how you feel and both of you ask for a second chance. yes she cheated on you and you hurt; but what brought her to the cheating? you obvioulsy loved each other at one time ( you got married right?) try your hardest to work it out. i hope i get a second chance
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" I believe divorce is the easy road. I am ready to take the hard road."
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Retsparf
Silver
Reged: 09/13/07
Posts: 67
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Happens just as often as your totally biased and bitter generalized statement.
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lol - yeah right.
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LoveChild
Platinum
Reged: 05/19/07
Posts: 269
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[quote]sit her down and TALK!!! this is the source of alot of my problems; we dont talk, hold her, tell her how you feel and both of you ask for a second chance. yes she cheated on you and you hurt; but what brought her to the cheating? you obvioulsy loved each other at one time ( you got married right?) try your hardest to work it out. i hope i get a second chance [/quote]
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Only you know if this will work. We all know once a woman has been scorned, even if only in her mind, you are toast.
No physical contact for a year is what he said. Sounds bleak.
Start protecting your assets, paperwork from accounts, etc. Lock them up in a safe deposit box. Start cutting her off from money if you are making more than she is. Buy yourself a Rolex too.
Shoot for good visitation, I got 50/50. I don't know why I am feeling good about that, because I have just as much right to see my kids as my cheating ex-wife, but that's how the system is.
And remember - every month you wait, she is 'earning' 50% of your paycheck.
ps - MommaMia, you usually are more rational than that. You seem to think that the courts have no bias.
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