snowhite
New
Reged: 08/03/07
Posts: 4
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I got married to a Military guy last December; and now it's fallen apart. To make a long story short; he's not at all the person I knew before we got married; he's jealous, overly protective, hypocritical, and anger-ridden..
But anyways; I told him (after trying to make it work several times) that I need out for my own sanity; I was quickly blamed for the failed marriage and told I was a coward. (Just a small instance of him trying to portray himself as the victim)
ANYWAYS. Now I'm in the situation I am.. We're are not living together, we never have. However, he has been getting pay ever since we've been married, plus separation pay and I have not seen a dime of this money. Now since we're getting divorced, do I try to get some of this money or not? I'm not sure at all what to do about that.
When we first got married, I had to pay for the hotel room on our wedding night, he made me pay for my cell phone and other things that really added up when I only get Social Security because of a disability. He making me pay for these things and claiming not to have money (which was bs) really racked up my credit card. Not being able to work dampers my hopes of getting rid of my credit card; this is my main reasoning for wanting to get some of that money..
Especially since on his deployment, he has saved up over 20,000. It seems a bit excessive; plus he told me before when I was planning on moving out with him, he wanted me to wait a few months so he could save up even more. Who needs 30,000 to start out??
Anyways, I'm trying to think clearly, but it's hard; this impending divorce has my head spinning inevitably.
I just don't know what to do; I've never been through a divorce, this was my first marriage and I'm unsure of the whole money issue. Any advice/comments on that subject would be greatly appreciated..
Also; what would I put down as the reasoning for my divorce under the circumstances I listed?
Thank you so much in advance, I greatly appreciate any help.
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oregongirl19
New
Reged: 06/17/07
Posts: 3
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Well, I am going through a divorce myself, but I am an E-4 in the marine Corps and my advice to you dear, is to find out what command or unit he belongs to and go there or get a phone number to his higher up, such as an E-6 up to an E-9. You tell them the situation and that you are requesting back spousal support through the end of your divorce. He owes you money big time and if his command knew about this he would be in deep sh!t. He also needs to be paying you for rent wherever it is you are living. I know its sad, but true, that some people in the military only get married for the money and try to screw over their spouse. I know this from experience from my junior Marines. HE OWES YOU! And you need to take action now!
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Only14U
Platinum
Reged: 08/17/07
Posts: 296
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I agree with you completely! I am going to a divorce myself and my husband stopped sending me the money as well. He hasn't even filed for divorce and he is trying to screw me up. He is overseas and I am in the states. Sad, but he thinks he can take advantage of the system. He is an E6 and I am tryng to find out who his higher rank is, but I'm having a hard time. But, they can't get away with it. Eventually they will get cought up. But we have to speak up. He owes you big time. Be strong, don't give up and fight for what is yours. Contact the legal dept. they are very helpful and supportive.
--------------------
~Vanessa.
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snowhite
New
Reged: 08/03/07
Posts: 4
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Thank you both so much!
He just called my Father tonight crying and screaming, saying he thought about killing himself. (I know he would not go through with this, it's just more emotional abuse; trying to make me feel guilty)
Well I went to see a lawyer a little bit ago and she told me to apply for spousal support. Well I did this last week and he just got the paper work (main reason for him calling) and he was YELLING saying he would not pay for this, it is 'his' money and all this other junk. Everyone keeps telling me I should just let him have the money, but it doesn't seem right at all. I invested SO much in this relationship financially and he hasn't done crap. How is that fair? I'm left in debt while he sits on his twenty plus thousand?
He kept saying 'we'll both leave with what we came into it with' well I didn't come into this marriage with debt! It's not fair.
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alexis0207
New
Reged: 09/10/07
Posts: 3
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I'm about to divorce. My husband is in the Navy. We (mostly him) have racked up some serious debt. I found out yesterday the I am responsible for 1/2 the debt weather I caused it or not. You might want to look in to that. It's not the same in every state.
GET HIM GIRL, he sounds like a real sh!t bag. Their is some one out there who will treat you the way you deserve.
(No offense men, I know your not all sh!t bags.)
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Jada
Platinum
Reged: 06/02/07
Posts: 3467
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[quote]I got married to a Military guy last December; and now it's fallen apart. To make a long story short; he's not at all the person I knew before we got married; he's jealous, overly protective, hypocritical, and anger-ridden..
But anyways; I told him (after trying to make it work several times) that I need out for my own sanity; I was quickly blamed for the failed marriage and told I was a coward. (Just a small instance of him trying to portray himself as the victim)
ANYWAYS. Now I'm in the situation I am.. We're are not living together, we never have. However, he has been getting pay ever since we've been married, plus separation pay and I have not seen a dime of this money. Now since we're getting divorced, do I try to get some of this money or not? I'm not sure at all what to do about that.
When we first got married, I had to pay for the hotel room on our wedding night, he made me pay for my cell phone and other things that really added up when I only get Social Security because of a disability. He making me pay for these things and claiming not to have money (which was bs) really racked up my credit card. Not being able to work dampers my hopes of getting rid of my credit card; this is my main reasoning for wanting to get some of that money..
Especially since on his deployment, he has saved up over 20,000. It seems a bit excessive; plus he told me before when I was planning on moving out with him, he wanted me to wait a few months so he could save up even more. Who needs 30,000 to start out??
My response:
That $20,000 that he saved during your marriage is a joint asset. And subject to division in the divorce. Along with any 401K contributions made during the marriage.
And the debt acquired during the marriage is a joint debt, he will be held responsible for it along with you.
You have been married less than a year. I seriously doubt you will get spousal support. You may get temporary support while the divorce is being worked out.
Personally, I would push for the joint debt to be completely paid from the joint assets (namely, the $20,000 that he has saved during the marriage) and just walk away.
Chances are, he won't pay it. And I don't think they won't garnish it from his wages unless there is also a child support order. At least in NJ, they won't.
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Barbie27_71
New
Reged: 02/01/07
Posts: 5
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This may be too late BUT the first thing is if your husband is drawing BAH at the with dependent rate he has to pay you if you are separated. This will only happen if YOU take the appropriate actions. Also, the money he has collected from BAH w/ dependents and not provided you.. the military cannot force him to pay however in contacting the appropriate people in his Command he can be ordered to pay you or have the money garnished back by DFAS as an undue allowance. Typically a soldier will agree to pay. If you have yet to find out who the appropriate contacts are for handling this with your husband please feel free to contact me as I have been there done that and have had success. Best Wishes
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