chattycthy
Silver
Reged: 07/21/07
Posts: 53
Loc: Ohio
|
|
Was married 19yrs have full custody.(3 boys) He offered to pay 1680/month and wants 1 yr alimony @ 1000/month. I have alway worked partime as a nurse. My income last year was 24,000..his was 177,000. Does this seem right?? I see my lawyer and financial guy Tuesday..my next hearing is nov 19th. Just need some ideas. He didn't address the college money issue as I asked him to. I want him to do some type of savings for the kids college he could manage..he didn't address it in the offer. He has a masters and wants them to attend college. He has a pattern of being cheap..any ideas what to do next if he didn't address it. Do I have to sign if I don't like the offer??
--------------------
Can't wait to start my life over again! Im gonna take a lot less crap next time!!
|
Jada
Platinum
Reged: 06/02/07
Posts: 3218
|
|
[quote]Was married 19yrs have full custody.(3 boys) He offered to pay 1680/month and wants 1 yr alimony @ 1000/month. I have alway worked partime as a nurse. My income last year was 24,000..his was 177,000. Does this seem right?? I see my lawyer and financial guy Tuesday..my next hearing is nov 19th. Just need some ideas. He didn't address the college money issue as I asked him to. I want him to do some type of savings for the kids college he could manage..he didn't address it in the offer. He has a masters and wants them to attend college. He has a pattern of being cheap..any ideas what to do next if he didn't address it. Do I have to sign if I don't like the offer?? [/quote]
You don't have to sign anything. And I wouldn't.
Your stbx has already consulted an attorney and is hoping to pull a fast one.
Typically, when there is huge discrepancy in incomes, like there is in your case, spousal support will be awarded.
And the length is usually for 1/3 -1/2 the marriage.
1 year doesn't even come close to that. I would definitely consult with an attorney and have college addressed during the divorce process.
Child support is going to what the guidelines say they are. Either one of you can agree to deviate, either under or over, but if there is no agreement, then it is what the guidelines state. Your attorney should be able to tell you what the amount would be per the guidelines.
|
gigi
Platinum
Reged: 11/06/06
Posts: 4779
|
|
I don't know if your state is one of those that considers college as something you can force the other parent to contribute to. Most do not. Your best bet, since he's not addressing it, is to hold out for the maximum spousal maintenance/alimony award possible and put a large portion of that aside on your own in case he fails to contribute to their school when the time comes, and of course work very hard to make certain he keeps a fun relationship with the kids through thier lives till they're starting school so that he feels involved enough that he will naturally contribute to thier school even if it's NOT because you forced him to do it.
Generally, it's a bad setup for the relationship between parent & child for the poorer parent to be able to tell the child that hse forced the richer parent to contribute to their college, and that the kid doesn't have to stay in contact or even discuss college with the other parent becasue that's been taken care of. BUT if the richer parent voluntarily agrees to do it, such that the poorer parent can't make those kinds of implications in the gazillions of opportunities that will come their way over the lives of the children, then it's good for the parents who are able to do so, to start a college fund for the kid.
On the other hand, if there are zero college funds accumulated during the marriage, if you always spent everything & never saved for college, then why do you think that he should be required to start saving for college now?
I'm not saying I disagree with you, but I'm giving you the higher earner's NCP's perspective on this and this would be part of the explanation of why most states are not requiring college to be resolved by the parents at the time of divorce, leaving it to each individual parent at the time of college.
There are some bond & scholarship options that only exist if one or the other parent is not contributing, and it's often a good idea to make the kid be responsible for discussing it with the parents each separately to find out his budget/scholarship/loan options.
|
Jada
Platinum
Reged: 06/02/07
Posts: 3218
|
|
[quote]I don't know if your state is one of those that considers college as something you can force the other parent to contribute to. Most do not. Your best bet, since he's not addressing it, is to hold out for the maximum spousal maintenance/alimony award possible and put a large portion of that aside on your own in case he fails to contribute to their school when the time comes, and of course work very hard to make certain he keeps a fun relationship with the kids through thier lives till they're starting school so that he feels involved enough that he will naturally contribute to thier school even if it's NOT because you forced him to do it.
Generally, it's a bad setup for the relationship between parent & child for the poorer parent to be able to tell the child that hse forced the richer parent to contribute to their college, and that the kid doesn't have to stay in contact or even discuss college with the other parent becasue that's been taken care of. BUT if the richer parent voluntarily agrees to do it, such that the poorer parent can't make those kinds of implications in the gazillions of opportunities that will come their way over the lives of the children, then it's good for the parents who are able to do so, to start a college fund for the kid.
On the other hand, if there are zero college funds accumulated during the marriage, if you always spent everything & never saved for college, then why do you think that he should be required to start saving for college now?
I'm not saying I disagree with you, but I'm giving you the higher earner's NCP's perspective on this and this would be part of the explanation of why most states are not requiring college to be resolved by the parents at the time of divorce, leaving it to each individual parent at the time of college.
There are some bond & scholarship options that only exist if one or the other parent is not contributing, and it's often a good idea to make the kid be responsible for discussing it with the parents each separately to find out his budget/scholarship/loan options. [/quote]
On the flip side, it isn't fair for the parent making less money to have to foot the entire bill because the parent making more money refuses to.
Fortunately for my kids, I live in a state that does take college into consideration. And has been addressed in my court order.
And even if the original poster doesn't live in a state that does take college into consideration, and more states are starting to do this so it's real hard to say most don't, that doesn't mean that it can't be addressed in the settlement agreement and included in the agreement.
Just think of what the parents can tell the child, we thought college was so important that we made sure that both of us contributed to you going.
|
gigi
Platinum
Reged: 11/06/06
Posts: 4779
|
|
7 states extend support beyond age 18 or high school. Of the 7, only one goes beyond 21. That is Massachusetts, and only if the child is still in college.
Most do not... more than that, the huge majority (86%) of states do not extend support requirements beyond high school. Parents in the 43 states wich do NOT consider college to be a time to obligate either parent to pay for, if they have such an agreement between them, they can usually get the court to enforce it if it's part of the decree that they agreed to.
It's not an issue of asking the poorer party to pay the majority of the expenses, but rather an issue of making sure teh CP and the children have incentive to make certain the child maintains a good enough relationship with the NCP so that if the NCP earns enough money to fund college, they will have incentive to do so... (and lots of parents don't earn enough to fund college even if they stay together, so what makes people think that the money magically appears when they split?)...
I still can't understand why people think they have the right to force payments for college after a split when they've not saved a dime towards that expense before the split? Do they think that life suddenly becomes CHEAPER when the same amount of salary is now supporting two separate households rather than one?
|
Samsung
Platinum
Reged: 06/14/07
Posts: 2007
|
|
Ohio has no maximum for length of alimony. With a 19 year marriage, it is highly likely it will be longer than a year. Are you an RN or LPN? It could make a big difference when they impute your income for the amount, but not for the length you recieve it.
|
gigi
Platinum
Reged: 11/06/06
Posts: 4779
|
|
Oh yeah, I forgot, my point on the college thing was that this is something SHE can save for if she pushes to get a reasonable alimony amount. And with a 19 year marriage to a man who earns several times what she could possibly earn, she's probably got a likelihood of a LOT of alimony for a LONG time! She should hold out for more alimony if he's not putting college costs on the table. Frankly, even if he did put it on the table, better for her to get it as alimony and save it herself so she has control over it & can make decisions for herself on whether or not she agrees with the kids' plans for college and how much she is willing to contribute to those particular plans (no parent should be required to fund a $50,000 a year undersater basketweaving degree if they don't agree with it).
All other things being equal, if he offered her $2,000 a month alimony for 10 years or $1,000 a month for 5 plus another $1000 a month that he contributed to the kids' college funds, she'd be better off taking the $2,000 a month & putting it into a fund that SHE manages for the kids college, and then let him contribute MORE, if HE wants, when the time comes.
|
theanswerguy
Platinum
Reged: 04/12/07
Posts: 2143
|
|
The amount and length of his offer is insufficient . If a judge does finally decide the SS issue , you an expect to be imputed wages based on working full time which would , most likely , lessen the final award . College costs can't be ordered but can be agreed to .
--------------------
Never let your sense of morals get in the way of doing what's right. Isaac Asimov
|
EllenP
New
Reged: 07/22/07
Posts: 24
|
|
I would have to agree with Gigi on this one....how can someone expect to agree to footing the bill for a college education when there appears to be no effort to have saved for it in the past during the marriage. My ex and I verbally agreed that we would do what we could when it came time for college...there are very few families that can pay 4 years of college out of their pocket without financial aid or grants of some kind. My daughter still went to college and graduated and my son is in school now and both my ex and I are contributing based on our incomes etc. As far as the spousal support, all things will be taken into consideration ie: current income of both parties, length of marriage, earning potential of both etc. I was subject to a work evaluation and although I only worked part time periodically through the marriage, they based my spousal support on what I COULD POTENTIALLY EARN as I re-entered the job market full time. Is November 19th the final hearing? The judge can help with the negotiations if this is just a pre-trial hearing and give you some idea of how he would decide the case if it went to trial. In my case, I was eager to settle to move on with my life, find a new home for me and my children so I negotiated with my ex to what we both considered fair. I did recieve less spousal support than I anticipated but to me it was worth not dragging out the whole process any longer (our divorce process lasted well over a year!) along with wasting more money for attorney's and not risking getting to trial before a judge and the outcome being worse for me than what I was negotiating for.
|
chattycthy
Silver
Reged: 07/21/07
Posts: 53
Loc: Ohio
|
|
Well in answer to the questions..I live in Ohio. I had a work eval and am an Rn and they said I had earning potential of 55,000/year..but said that I had a great plan of action for school and the goals were realistic and attainable. I explained I wanted to go back to the college I was enrolled a year ago to finish nurse practioner program there which would help me get a higher income after alimony ends. My hubby and I had talked about this several times and I was not able to when I first located here two years ago cuz I just started a stressful new job. They based the income for alimoney on the 24,544. figure that I made last year. I am employed and was hired as a .4 position which is 32 hours /payperiod. I now work 1 extra day a pay period just to make ends meet as someone else felt like dropping down her hours and I took them. He has cut me off from all other money we had access to jointly after he drained the bank accounts. I will need a new job to work full time. This is not a full time position. He claims he cannot make 177,000 this year as no OT..but rather is using his salary figure of 140,000. I get called everyday from agencies and mailed flyers wanting him to moonlight. Makes me laugh! He told me were were saving for college through a life insurance policy several yrs ago when the boys were very young. When the divorce became evident he told me that policy was not what he thought but rather term and is only now worth 6,000. He wants to cash it in which he wants to split. I am very scared of my outcome..people keep saying "is your attourney good??" How the heck do you know? I don't have any idea. She is in court constantly. The only people I talk with are her paralegal and secretary. I meet with her tuesday to discuss this offer. My hubby's attourney and my attourneys see each other in court daily and are friendly with one another. He has a high profile attourney. I like mine..but i don't meet with her till Tuesday this week. We have one week till the hearing and it is called a status conferance hearing. If we don't settle trial starts on Feb 14th. Should I expect a trial?? I have 14,500 on attourney expenses already which scares me. God knows how much he has spent. I still live with him as my income plus the cs @ 1900 can't support myself and my 3 kids here. I could rent an appartment..but 2 BRMS run 800/month and I know I would have difficulties keeping the kids with me in such a small place. Larger apts run in the 1000 range and I think I could get a house for nearly that if he would give me the equity which he already borrowed for 50,000 so I could put a down payment on a house. He wants me to give him 90 days to turn the 50,000 over which would mean my staying another 3 months! YIKES! He is buying out the house I can't afford which he really doesn't want. (4BRMS) I hope I offered the answers you need to help me. I could sure use more advice. Im a nervous wreck..looking for a place to live all the time, can't sleep and am working 3 days/wk taking care of kids etc. etc. etc. He hates me and won't speak to me cuz he things i am draining him financially and turning the kids against him. Is this normally how it ends?? He is lying to his relatives about me. Our families are distroyed by my finding out about his gay affair. He seems to have a serious relationship with this guy..so more power to their happiness together..while mine sucks. Is there any hope the kids and I will have a normal life ever again??
--------------------
Can't wait to start my life over again! Im gonna take a lot less crap next time!!
|
Previous
Index
Next
Threaded
Edit
Reply
Quote
