cheeps
Bronze
Reged: 09/30/07
Posts: 33
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I've learned that there is still no communicating with my soon to be ex. Hello to everyone, I was hoping not to have to post my sob story but I have learned quite a bit here and I thank you for that.
I live in NC and have been married, a homeschooling SAHM for 17 years. I still homeschool my 16yo son, my other two stepchildren lived with their mom during their school years and with us the rest of the time. They are like my children and consider me to be the good parent. Unfortunately their mom and dad (my STBX) didn't do the greatest job with them.
My STBX is an alcoholic...when we split he was drinking 8-12 beers a night every night and more at times. He said he never drank when he was driving but he did pop 2-3 on the hour drive home; I found the cans in my car when we'd switch for some reason. He was a mean drunk but in a very quiet way, no arguing, when he got bad I sent him to his room to play his mandolin or we would just get away from him. It was known in our house not to talk to him after 7pm. He was a very high functioning Alchie.
I finally called it quits after he embarrassed our exchange student one night. Poor kid could not figure out why this drunk guy was breathing beer fumes down his neck muttering insults while he was playing PC games. Everything just came to a head...so I asked him if he'd stop or go to counseling...no to both, so a few months later I asked him to leave.
So we were married 17 years...we had discussed me going back for job training or school when my 16 got in high school, then he might be able to cut down his work or maybe retire if I made enough.
Divorce is on the horizon so now I'm now in college going for a masters so I can get a job in 3 years, I just started.
I have asked for spousal support for 4 years...he makes 85K, I make nothing; I school my son and do Guardian Ad Litem work and I'm a Teen Court judge, these two programs have given me good job experience, I just need the credentials to go with it to get a job...no one wants a 30 years old BA.
We are trying to settle out of court...he refuses to give me 1400 for 4 years and 850 in CS for 16yo. He will graduate at 19 because he has always been a year behind. STBX wants him to just go and get a GED. My son is very insulted. There is more but Blah, blah, blah...it doesn't really matter.
I need 1400 for four years, (married 17 in NC) and 850 for son until he graduates in 3 years.
Does this seem to follow the law? My lawyer says yes, but he's my lawyer....he wanted me to ask for more.
I'm also going to give my STBX some land, about 5-10 acres to be nice....he acts like I owe him. Again, my lawyer sez I'm being too nice...I just want it to be over.
Any opinions or advice appreciated, cheeps
Oh PS, he doesn't want to pay me anything except CS 750 until son turns 18 and 1250 for me for a year. He says his job is volatile...I came up with a formula that would go with that but he ignored it. Should I even consider that again?
Edited by cheeps (11/11/07 11:58 PM)
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theanswerguy
Platinum
Reged: 04/12/07
Posts: 2147
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Child support is a separate issue and if you are the primary custodial parent , you can expect to receive CS according to state guidelines . You can find a NC CS calculator here to get a rough estimate :
http://www.alllaw.com/calculators/childsupport/north_carolina/
Alimony should be awarded as long as you can prove that you are financially dependant on your spouse and that he has the means to pay .
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Never let your sense of morals get in the way of doing what's right. Isaac Asimov
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Samsung
Platinum
Reged: 06/14/07
Posts: 2022
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Here's just a financial breakdown of your situation:
Gross pay: $85,000/yr
Net pay: $55,328/yr
Net pay is after Fed tax, NC state tax, FICA, and Medicare. It does not include deductions for a pension, medical insurance, or any other deductions.
Annual CS cost: $10,200
Proposed alimony: $16,800
Net pay after CS and alimony: $28,328.
$850 appears to be guidline support, but it would drop to $730 after alimony is deducted. Unless he is paying a very large premium for medical insurance, it doesn't appear that would change the amount.
$1400 appears to be a bit high for alimony for his income, but, at the same time, 4 years is probably shorter than what you could get.
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cheeps
Bronze
Reged: 09/30/07
Posts: 33
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Gee, this sounds really dumb but what do need to come up with to show I was dependent on him? Thanks for answering....cheeps
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cheeps
Bronze
Reged: 09/30/07
Posts: 33
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Thanks, Samsung...I really want to save us both lawyers fees by not going to court. But I realize that is totally up to him now....the land he will get is worth about $50,00-$70,000 so I don't really think I'm being unfair. Lawyer asks me why I'm trying to pay him off....~sigh~
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gigi
Platinum
Reged: 11/06/06
Posts: 4839
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Sam, I think you've forgotten that the net changes when there's $1400 deducted for alimony because that's a before-tax deduction. Alimony is taxed to the recipient, not the payer, so he gets back a huge refund at the end of the year (or adjusts his withholding through the year to account for it) and that makes a huge difference.
But even with your calculations, the NCP ends up with a bigger net take-home than the CP who has been staying at home & home-schooling his child for all these years. He's simply wrong to think he can change that at age 16 for the kid.
Cheeps, in our state, you'd probably get about $1800 for 5 to 8.5 years. The length of time is 30-50% of the length of the marriage, and teh amount is the difference. This amount would be your income in the child support formula, and his income would be his 7083 per month MINUS this amount, and then the other items would be plugged into the formula accordingly.
What is this acrage that you're "giving" to him? Is it marital property? Why would you want to give it to him? If it's marital property, split it 50-50, if it's not, then keep it. That part of this shouldn't be that tough to figure out. Are you getting something additional in property settlement to offset the acreage that you're giving to him?
Don't offer to give this to him if he doesn't deserve it. Take the value of it and consider it your alimony if you want, but don't just hand him something in one area of the settlement if he's not doing right by you in all other areas. I assume that land has value. You're asking for $67,000 total in alimony. Is the land worth that much? If so, then keep the land & dont' ask for ANY alimony! Why in the world would you give that bird in the hand away for the promise of a payment of $67K over the next 4 years? On the receiving end of alimony, if you are able to be frugal & manage money, it's always better to get the equivelent of a lump sum settlement and manage it yourself, rather than trust him to be able to continue to pay your monthly payments for the next 48 months! Let alone... you'll have to pay taxes on the alimony but not on a lump sum settlement.
Yes, you may have to SELL the acreage to get the value out of it, but if you can get an accurate appraisal (fair market value being CLOSE to what you will get out of an actual sale), then great!
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cheeps
Bronze
Reged: 09/30/07
Posts: 33
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Gigi, thanks for your post, no, the land is mine...I inherited land and money during the separation last year when my father and stepmother died. The lawyer tells me that does not get taken into account in our state. The laws protect me on that one. My STBX wants me to live off that though. He had been good to me this year and continued to pay the house bills and give me money....he just wants it to end there.
I just feel bad for my son...my stepdaughter also feels shate on, I pay for part of her nursing school out of love and support for her; she is my daughter even though she is a step. Her father agreed to help but backed out. I will never understand why he thinks all his kids should just get a ged.
I'm a sap...I will give him the land. He may sell it if he wishes but he says he will leave it to his kids...that is what I asked him to do.
If he really fights and I don't get what I need, he gets no land as it is not part of the divorce agreement, I'm off to bed...you guys have been great, thanks cheeps...
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liberated
Platinum
Reged: 10/02/07
Posts: 550
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HI cheeps, I don't have much to add or much time, but I wanted to share that we have much in common. I too have been married 17 years and have homeschooled my children (now 15, 14, 11, 10, and 6). I am divorcing my abusive husband finally after realizing it is never going to change. I do have a business I started a few years ago and we have made our agreement and I am staying in the home and buying him out. I look forward to seeing you around. This is a veritable treasure trove of support and information.
Kimberley
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Kimberley
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cheeps
Bronze
Reged: 09/30/07
Posts: 33
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Thanks Kimberly, a crazy mess isn't it? I just wonder why motherhood and family seem so de valued. I don't WANT the moon...I want to get my life going. The minute I get a job...I'd stop alimony but won't tell him that yet.
I feel awful for my kids...he thinks at 18 they should have it all together and be close to self supporting.....in his dreams!!
All my kids are good decent kids, no major drug problems, work problems...etc. The one that works for him, that's 21 is going to be an alcoholic like him...but he's still a decent kid in so many ways.
Anyway...thanks to all who have posted and any input is wonderful. cheeps
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cheeps
Bronze
Reged: 09/30/07
Posts: 33
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Hi All, I'm I stupid or decent to include a clause that sez if his income goes down, his support to me goes down. He is not the type to quit a job at all....his company is in flux and he would get another job if something happened.
Is there a formula one can use for instances like this? I will get support for four years.
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