Divorce Support Forums: am i over reacting?

Yeah, it was kind of funny with me, considering my background in evaluating people for drug and alcohol abuse issues, and my background in helping put people in jail & prison for such things. Part of what makes it possible for her to come up with STUPID accusations like this is that I've not given her a lick of real information about me, so she has no opprtunity to know me and have any REAL stories of my own foibles and HUMAN characteristics. All she has is speculation so she looks like an a$$ when she decides to speculate and tell a judge or therapist what she supposes about me.

Which is why the QUIET approach seems to work with her.

My husband hopes a quiet approach from him will actually allow her to find someone else to focus on as a target. She has a boyfriend... he disappeared for a while but he's back now. We think he ditched her when she said she was going to do something nasty to us, and when it didn't work out that she was able to do it, she probably told him about how it worked out, putting some version of spin on it that made it look like it was HER idea to do the right thing by my husband... but we don't care if he's back because she's given him a snow job or if he's back becuause ... well, whatever. We're THRILLED that he's back because it gives her anotehr potential target. We only hope they get married so that .... well, problem is that this woman won't be able to hold it together for long enough to keep him around for the long haul unless she gets him down the aisle darned quickly. When my husband got entangled with her, he was too young to know any better & by the tim ehe realized what a mess he'd gotten into, it was their honeymoon and ... well, 20 years has passed & most of the men who are her peers now are too savvy to stick around for the abuse she tends to heap on people, for long enough to have a traditional long-ish engagement. The best we can hope for is a quick engagement & then she can move on to her next target faster.

It just seems that the less contact with these toxic ones, the better.

But to leave him? I don't think that's actually necessary. You're there now, leaving would just be one more trauma/drama. the way to make it better is to shrink to very small size when she's around, be his support till the judge signs that it's final, and THEN start to plan your future together. But if your boyfriend's stbx is ANYTHING like my husband's ex, he needs LOTS of support and LOTS of ideas and LOTS of approval for every decision he tries to make in this wacky time he's going through. You can be that for him. Don't increase the drama by having a breakup scene, for sure!