E74
New
Reged: 10/29/07
Posts: 9
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I want to learn and get a "average" of this Mediation process.
What to expect, what not to expect.. your stories or stories you've heard, please post.
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liberated
Platinum
Reged: 10/02/07
Posts: 550
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Well, I just had mine today and it is very fresh in my mind. I have ot admit I am still amazed at how successful it has been. Quick background: I told him on Sept 7 of my intent to file and asked that night for him to move out. He laughed at me...
On Sept 14th I filed, again asking him to move out by the end of Sept. Again, he laughed.
I requested a temporary orders hearing through my lawyer which was scheduled fo Oct. 12. He immediately got a lawyer and asked for mediation...so this was a concession on both parts...I wanted to skip it as useless-he didn't want the divorce in the first place.
We went this morning at 8:30, each of us with our lawyer in the room with us, but us in separate rooms. I told both my atty and the mediator that I was very uncomfortable with the thought of being in the same room. That was the only time all morning I was emotional. I immediately teared up at the thought, I am that afraid of him- just in general.
So they began with the numbers for child support. STBX wants to claim huge reduction in income for 2007, but some number was agreed upon, slightly less than standard, but not much. We have 5 children so standard is 40% of takehome pay AFTER he pays health insurance coverage. This was our second sticking point. We haven't ahd ins. for 4 yrs and he didn't want to pay for it now. He had actually come in and said he couldn't afford ANY CS...they laughed :) In the end, he agreed to put the kids on the insurance AND pay $1600/month. I don't know what was said in his room,but that mediator is BRILLIANT.
Then we moved on to division of assets. We listed everything on a spreadsheet his/hers, found a total net worth and then divided it in half. In the end, he gets to keep all of his retirement accounts, one large savings acct. we had jointly (25K) and his truck (newish). I get the house (with 200K equity), my 2000 PAID FOR minivan, and peace of mind. I will refinance the house, borrowing 61.4K to buy him out. I have to do this within 90 days of the divorce becoming final. There are so many parts of this process that are standard that neither party has much to argue about, really.
So then we talked about visitation. We both agreed that I do the huge majority of the parenting (I homeschool all 5-he works and travels) so EOW plus Thursdays from 6-8 PM is what we agreed to.
Each time the mediator would go into one room, with some issues and offer up the most likely option. I think once my STBX realized that all I was asking was standard and tha any judge would award nothing less, he didn't want to waste any more money on trying to fight it. He's not stupid :)
Once we came to those agreements, the mediator typed it all up, we proofread and made minor changes, and then he drafted a final copy. This we all signed...it is a legally binding document and I cannot change my mind and call in the morning to adjust it. It will be filed withthe court on Wednesday and we will abide by that until the final decree is signed. THat was listed as expecting to be done by November 20!
Oh, and my biggest issue was getting him out of the house. We went back and forth and finally he agreed to be out by Nov. 30th at 5 p.m. That is a Friday the weekend AFTER Thanksgiving weekend so I am hoping he'll just be able to move out the long holiday weekend. Yes, the timing sticks for the children. But I don't see much way around that. Any longer and it will push into Christmas.
The mediator told us both how impressed he was with our ability to get the job done and always keep the kids at the forefront of the priorities. That's something we've never had a problem with-the kdis. It's just each other we can't do well. So this process took care of that.
I had to pay his fee (my half) onthe spot. We were there about 5 hours and for my salary range, it was $425. I also have to pay my atty for his time (OUCH!) but it was so worth it to me. I spent about $1500 to do this and I have never felt better about any amount of money.
I honestly did not expect this to work, but I am hugely relieved that it did.
I hope yours will go smoothly as well. Half the battle is not knowing.
Kim
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Kimberley
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E74
New
Reged: 10/29/07
Posts: 9
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So he's going to live with you until Nov 30th?
So 20% 1st kid, 5% each one thereafter. This is what I've heard.
I agree Thanksgiving, Christmas, before the school year..there is no "good time".
Having to refinance in 90days, sounds hurried. Are you aware of how and when and where to do this? Your already pre-approved?
Sounds like yours worked out great. Not to pry, but was he proven to be at fault or in other words why did the divorce happen? I've heard sometimes if the other party is "obviously or grossly at fault in the marriage" they get "spanked" a bit more...they lose their bargaining power with the mediator.
thanks so much, your freshness of the post, really describes your mediation procedure well.
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liberated
Platinum
Reged: 10/02/07
Posts: 550
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I have already givenmy numbers to a lender and he thinks I will be able to qualify. He's running the application today to see how it goes. I have perfect credit, lots of equity, and a decent income + child support. It won't be easy for me, but I am a good investment on the lender's part...so I think it will be fine. Our children don't ever remember living anywhere else (been here 12+ yrs) so this is important to all of us that they stay in their home.
No, there was no discussion of fault. I think it was understood that I was fearful of him, he certainly acknowledges fault sometimes, when he's not blaming me :) how's that for an answer?
And yes, he'll be here until Nov. 30. It's gonna be a long month :)
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Kimberley
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chatter box
Platinum
Reged: 11/09/07
Posts: 1197
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I would say it was a waste of money except it did show the judge we were trying to work things out. Of course she broke all the agreements before we had it finalized with the judge. It was also the only way I could get out of the alamony, so in the long run it saved me money, but it did nothing for my visitation.
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Supercat
New
Reged: 04/26/07
Posts: 8
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I had mediation in Texas on 31 Oct. It was very successful. They brought us both in with our lawyers together in one room to state our starting postions and the rules. We then departed to our own room. The mediator worked between the two rooms to achieve a compromise. In four hours we were done, with all issues settled. The process also cost me around $1500, but it was worth it. I had it easy in that there were no custody issues, just division of assets. The other side even offered to finance the small amount that I owed her in the end. I just wish I could have gotten them into mediation sooner (the other side resisted).
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regularguy
Platinum
Reged: 08/10/07
Posts: 218
Loc: RI
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Ours hit a road block. She offered to give me 10% of the house, me being reasonable and negotiating in good faith was willing to take 40% and make other concessions regarding other assets in an effort to move things along.
However, if she is going to be unreasonable and greedy then that deal is off the table and I'm going to go after every nickel that is legally mine.
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