lstar
New
Reged: 05/03/07
Posts: 3
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I used to think there were no surprise infidelities and breakups. I used to think it was impossible for these things to happen without a spouse suspecting something is wrong.
I take it all back. I thought my husband and I would be together for good. We had our fights, but always got past those. Then a couple of months ago, he decided we couldn't live together anymore and he wantedto be free to do what he wanted.
I still don't believe how he changed so fast, and this man I had grown so comfortable and satisfied with, just became like a stranger. I begged him because I love him and didn't care about my pride at that point. But he had made up his mind and that was that.
He went back with a woman he was dating while we were dating, and now he wants a divorce.
Has this happened to anyone else here? I still don't understand it.
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Just Plain Tired
Bronze
Reged: 12/01/06
Posts: 34
Loc: Louisiana
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Hello there.
I am a man who is currently considering divorce. I can tell you that we men don't "suddenly" make decisions that affect the rest of our lives. He did not "suddenly" change, this was probably some time in coming.
I don't want you to think I'm picking on you, because I am honestly trying to give you some feedback that I hope will help you. I am in a similar situation right now; I am strongly considering divorcing my wife.
The reasons why, in my case, are NOT because of "another woman". I want to get away from her because of her expectations that I should take care of her parents (who are in their FIFTIES and able bodied, but lazy and bad planners) and also because she (in my opinion) has a lack of respect for the good man that I feel I am. She nags constantly. I'm tired of it.
You said you were comfortable with him. Sometimes this makes a woman feel she can tell her man anything. Sounds good right? Does that include nagging? I'm not saying you did, I'm just throwing it out there.
Look, we men are constantly walking on eggshells around our wives because we know that what we say (men are very literal) is often mis-interpreted by women (women look for the "hidden meaning" in statements).
Did he leave you for this other woman, primarily? Probably. But there is also the possibility that this other woman makes him happy on some level OTHER than romantic/sexual because, perhaps, she knows when/what to say and when/what NOT to say.
Please don't think I'm picking on you, I'm just giving you some fodder for thought.
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lstar
New
Reged: 05/03/07
Posts: 3
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Thank you for your reply and help.
I don't know if he left me for her or not. I realize there could be a lot of truth in what you say and I appreciate your taking the time to give me your ideas.
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jbar
Platinum
Reged: 12/16/06
Posts: 1066
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===========================================================================================
He went back with a woman he was dating while we were dating, and now he wants a divorce...
Has this happened to anyone else here? I still don't understand it.
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Well, as they say, "That's how it goes!" Under "no-fault" divorce law he can leave if he wants to. It would be very unusual if you didn't come out better, financially, than he does--particularly if you have any children.
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InLimbo
Platinum
Reged: 10/27/06
Posts: 868
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Istar - sometimes when were so close to a situation we don't see it for what it really is. My stbx cheated also. I spent a couple of months telling people how I didn't even know him anymore. After really looking at the situation and getting distance I realize that he may have changed slightly, but not that much. I just saw him for what I wanted him to be, because I love him.
I will tell you that I never saw it coming. We had just had our second baby and I thought things were great. We had a nice home, nice life and an active sex life. The infidelity came out of nowhere and knocked me straight on my butt.
You will recover, though. Emotionally. I'm not always in agreement that the woman comes out financially better.
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Love like you have never been hurt. Dance like nobody's watching and sing like nobody's listening.
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E74
New
Reged: 10/29/07
Posts: 9
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my wife left little by little, or I wasn't "looking for the clues"...I couldn't have stopped it anyway, in hindsight. Its their brain and personality, not mine that was doing the leaving....not me!
It progressed and digressed, and it's over, I guess?
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Supercat
New
Reged: 04/26/07
Posts: 10
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You sound like I was, content with a great marriage until one day whamo! She didn't want to be a wife or mother any more. Yes there was hints of change, but it was readily attibuted to being perimenopausal. The divorce will be final in a few weeks. It sucks, but once someone makes a decision like that it's pretty hard to go back. So I've learned to be a single parent to three boys and wish her the best despite the damaged she's caused. I rest easy knowing that I wouldn't have loved her any differently had I known what was coming. One day she will realize what she has lost. Life goes on......
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Just Plain Tired
Bronze
Reged: 12/01/06
Posts: 34
Loc: Louisiana
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Maybe she will, maybe she won't.
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