kimber12
New
Reged: 11/25/07
Posts: 2
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My Thanksgiving was a disaster because my husband hates my children. I have 2 children by another relationship and have been married for 8 years. My husband married me knowing I had these children one is 22 and the other 17 the one child I have with him is 15. My problem is everytime my children are around as they do not live with me because of his abuse they live with their fathers, he is mean and nasty. We got into a big argument because I told him he shouldn't say mean things to me in front of the kids and he went off,called me a bunch of horrible names I so tired of the terrible words they hurt so bad. I recently went out to find an apartment and move because my self esteem is gone and I cannot take it anymore, someone please give me some guidance, I am lost and confused.
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sirk
New
Reged: 11/26/07
Posts: 7
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I would think so. What state do you live in? I live in a state that does not require any reason whatsoever. Perhaps you do as well.
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jersey girl
Platinum
Reged: 08/07/06
Posts: 1511
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Don't worry about grounds for divorce. They don't change anything - it is a divorce whether you call it emotional abuse or just irreconciable differences.
You sound like you hit your bottom in the relationship. That is the grounds for the divorce if you don't feel that counseling will help.
when you self preservation kicks in, it is a good sign that you are in a situation that needs to change.
Good luck and welcome here! The entrance fee stinks, but the support is real.
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gigi
Platinum
Reged: 11/06/06
Posts: 4779
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Jersey is right, you probably don't need grounds. It's your motive for divorcing him, but you really don't have to spend time figuring out how to describe it to anyone else. You only need to know what things to avoid in future relationships someday, but for now, to look forward, once you decide you've had enough abuse, it's plenty to simply say it's over & you're ready to move on. Avoiding making accusations against each other about emotional abuse will help prevent it from becoming a nastiner experience than it needs to be.
Once you decide to live separately from him, there is no more need to figure out what you didn't like about him, or the way he treated you. You no longer need to argue with him about who treated whom worse, who argued less effectively, who was meaner, who did wrong & who didin't earn enough...
If you can stay away from all the blaming stuff & simply figure out how to separate your household from his, it's a whole lot better. And figuring out if you have "grounds" or if he's been emotionally abusive is some part of blaming that will not be helpful.
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numbnms
Platinum
Reged: 10/18/07
Posts: 641
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It really depends on what state you live in. In MS for example to the abuse has to cruel and inhuman as defined as something so bad a reasonable person would find it cruel and inhuman (not either but both) or you could prove because of what was said you feared for your life.
Also in MS, you have to prove grounds for a judge to force a divorce, in order to file no-fault, both parties have to agree to file that way and agree on terms.
Which is weird because the court will force you to split assets aka home equity, but not liablities before a divorce is final; as well as establish temporary alimony and child support, also without anyone having to prove anything. So the whole thing is stupid, I guess we really are backwoods here.
--------------------
Forget waiting for the storm to pass
Learn to dance in the rain
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gigi
Platinum
Reged: 11/06/06
Posts: 4779
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Wow that's nasty... forcing people to say nasty things about each other just to make a divorce happen, and the only thing that needs to happen to force that is for one of the people to be reluctant to agree to the divorce in the first place... so suddenly everyone is full of anger & hate & ...
Well, it seems that the property settlement, child custody, alionoy & support arrangements already cause enough disagreement, without needing to say nasty things about each other just to get hte ball rolling, you know?
I don't think that's the majority of states that requires that. I know a lot of states ALLOW proof of fault, but very few REQUIRE it... thank goodness.
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